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“A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.”
― Banksy

“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”
― Woody Allen

“The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays

“If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence.”
― Susan Beth Pfeffer, The Dead and the Gone

“I'm not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star.”
― Sojourner Truth

“Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Well,â€� she said. “I’m frustrated.â€�
“Don’t make me angry-kiss you.�
“Give me the laundry.�
“Tempers rising, faces flushed â€� This is how it happens.”
― Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

“Closed. Plenty of time to see it later, remember?" He leads me into the courtyard, and I take the opportunity to admire his backside. Callipygian. There is something better than Notre-Dame.”
― Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss

“Pompous fools drive me up the wall. Ordinary fools are alright; you can talk to them and try to help them out. But pompous fools â€� guys who are fools and covering it all over and impressing people as to how wonderful they are with all this hocus pocus â€� THAT, I CANNOT STAND! An ordinary fool isn’t a faker; an honest fool is all right. But a dishonest fool is terrible!”
― Richard P. Feynman

“I'm so horny the crack of dawn isn't safe.”
― John Sandford, Bad Blood

“Jiggery pokery!â€� said Harry in a fierce voice. â€�Hocus pocus â€� squiggly wiggly —â¶Ä�
“MUUUUUUM!â€� howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what!”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?"

Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him.

Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn't have to sit alone at lunch after all.”
― J.R. Ward

“I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland.”
― Jim Butcher, Turn Coat

“Meg, don't you think you'd make a better adjustment to life if you faced facts?"
I do face facts," Meg said.
They're lots easier to face than people, I can tell you.”
― Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

“That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours.

First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.â€� Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“The champagne was dead. So it goes.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

“You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.”
― jeaniene frost

“I was also built from delusional optimism and folly.”
― A.S. King, Please Ignore Vera Dietz

“Running ain't no bad thing. Leastways if you run in the right direction.”
― Mark Lawrence, Prince of Thorns

“I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father's shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable."

"How sweet," Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. "Every woman dreams of being told that she's preferable to a dead cow.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Secrets of a Summer Night

“We had our breakfasts--whatever happens in a house, robbery or murder, it doesn't matter, you must have your breakfast.”
― Wilkie Collins, The Moonstone

“A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable.”
― Anne McCaffrey, Acorna: The Unicorn Girl

“In a typical college romance novel, he'd be a gorgeous but troubled sex god who'd cure all my deep-seated psych issues with a good hard fuck. I'd smell his misogyny and abusive tendencies from miles off but my brain would turn to hormone soup because abs. That's the formula. Broken girl + bad boy = sexual healing. All you need to fix that tragic past is a six-pack. More problems? Add abs.

It's Magic Dick Lit.”
― Leah Raeder, Black Iris

“The alarm in the morning? Well, I have an old tape of Carlo Maria Giulini conducting the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra in a perfectly transcendent version in Shubert's seventh symphony. And I've rigged it up so that at exactly 7:30 every morning it falls from the ceiling onto my face.”
― Stephen Fry

“Michael had to pound me a couple of times to convince me not to go stage a rescue." Shane shrugged. "He hits like a girl, for a vampire.”
― Rachel Caine, Ghost Town

“Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold."
Question: What's the probability they will kiss?”
― Jenny Downham, You Against Me

“Sex without smiling is as sickly and as base as vodka and tonic without ice.”
― Stephen Fry, Moab Is My Washpot

“Let's pick it up," the man behind her said. "How many more of the tranquilizers do you have?"
"Just three," the girl panted.
"Gonna have to restock."
"Right. I'll just... head down... to the convenience store, and-" she didn't finish, the strain too much.”
― Marissa Meyer, Scarlet

“Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed. Eh bien, tant pis. Usually one's cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile, then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile, and learn from her mistakes.”
― Julia Child, My Life in France

“now, if there's anything stupider than buddy lists, its lol. if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out of the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it's not like anyone is laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll. like what a lobotomized person's tongue does. loll. loll. i can't think anymore. loll. loll! or ttyl. bitch, you're not actually talking. that would require actual vocal contact or <3. you honestly think that looks like a heart? if you do, that's only because you'v never seen scrotum. (rofl! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there a sec while i KICK YOUR ASS)”
― David Levithan, Will Grayson, Will Grayson