“[H]istory isn’t actually a proper story. It’s more like a soap opera. It never fucking ends. So it has to get cyclical.�
I'm not launchin
“[H]istory isn’t actually a proper story. It’s more like a soap opera. It never fucking ends. So it has to get cyclical.�
I'm not launching myself back into the book-reviewing game, but 's is such a hilarious historical romp that I feel I have to do something to encourage others to read and/or listen to it.*
I'm nowhere near as witty as Mitchell, so I'll just offer an assortment of his takes to tempt you into taking the plunge.
On the vibe of 10th century Anglo-Saxon monasteries: “a vaguely God-themed Club Med.�
On the 1045 marriage of Edwin and Edith: “It’s unlikely to have been a love match…it’s also unlikely to have been a no-hate match � and that was something that even medieval princes and princesses were permitted to shoot for.�
On why dynastic marriages are boring: “The endless betrothing of eight-year-olds to twelve-year-olds…�
On The Crusades: “a great scheme for posh murderous people, who were struggling to find meaning in their lives, to secure their places in heaven�.
On historians covering King John: “have failed to put even a scratch on the gleaming paintwork of King John’s famous shittiness�.
On Henry III's upbringing: “reminds me of the skewed life experiences of those child actors who make it big... Weird childhoods, even if they’re ostensibly successful, can screw you for life.�
On Henry VI's moment of ascension: “This wasn’t an ideal situation: the King of England was a baby and the King of France was mentally ill and likely to die quite soon, at which point the baby would take over as king of France as well.�
On why it kinda made sense that Mary I insist that she be married before having sex with a man (in order to have a “probably fatal pregnancy�/possibly produce an heir): “You can’t go burning hundreds of Protestants over what a wafer is made of if you’ve got a racy sideline in extramarital sex.�
I could go on, but I won't. Just read the book. ------------------------ * Yes, I do actually mean and/or when it comes to how you consume this book (listening and reading being the two options of which I'm currently aware). Going the audible route is great as you get all the nuance and comedy that come with hearing one of David Mitchell's famed Mitchellian rants (yes, that's a thing � look for it on YouTube). However, if you only listen to it, you will be deprived of the captions that accompany the visuals included, which are also :chef's kiss:! For example, I've seen the Bayeux tapestry (which, as Mitchell points out, is actually an embroidery) several times (courtesy of a school trip), but sans Mitchell's keen eye, it never made me laugh.
“King Harold is slain. He might be the one taking an arrow to the eye, or the one falling over in front of a knight. Some say both pictures are him but, if so, he had time to change his socks between injuries.�
Loading...
