An interesting and inspirational read. There's some good practical suggestions here for taking control of your life. It's a little more than suggestioAn interesting and inspirational read. There's some good practical suggestions here for taking control of your life. It's a little more than suggestions, maybe "plan" would be a better word. There's actually a little workbook in the back to help bolster self-esteem....more
It took me a long time to read this book. I have a "bad habit" of reading many books at the same time and switching back and forth depending on how I'It took me a long time to read this book. I have a "bad habit" of reading many books at the same time and switching back and forth depending on how I'm feeling at the moment. Women may appreciate the book more than men. For the first 2/3 of the book, it was painful for me to watch Charisse, the main character, make the same mistakes over and over again. It could have been monotonous, if it wasn't for Brady's great sense of humor. She had me laughing out loud many times. For example, here's a quote I came across in the first two chapters: "I'd pore through my journals at bedtime to help recollect the nightmares of boyfriends past." All in all, I consider the book a good read. If you're a guy who's always treated women with honesty and respect, you'll need a strong stomach.
Though a little foreshadowing was done, which indicated Charisse was at least thinking about getting herself together, that quickly dissipated as she continued to jump in and out of beds all over town, feeding the egos of her "bums" (if not creating a few new ones in the process). Admittedly, some of these were only recollections of "boyfriends past", but it kept me wondering how she managed to escape some dreaded disease. However, the payoff finally comes in the last third of the book, where she finally starts dealing with the psychological ramifications of a breach of trust experienced from a close male family member (cousin). The details of the incident are a little sketchy, but they're not really needed for the advancement of the plot, though it did leave me scratching my head a bit.
The ending was a little too quick and simplistic for me. Though Brady does hit on the main points of someone recovering from psychological trauma, it all happened a little too fast. Often, recovery takes many years, if it's ever achieved at all. I would have rather seen the first two-thirds of the book compressed into just the first few chapters, with the rest of the book dealing with her recovery. But hey, that's just me. I'm sure others will see it differently. Nevertheless, Charisse does learn her lesson, making up for her past deeds and providing a palatable ending for the book.
I've also read (most of) the memoir "High on Arrival" by Mackenzie Phillips. It has a similar feel of mistakes being made over and over again, but without the humor. About 2/3 the way through, at the end of chapter 22, I quit reading it as there was no indication that Mackenzie wouldn't keep making mistakes for the remainder of the book. In fact, if you read that last long paragraph at the end of chapter 22, you'll see why. I gave that book three stars, as it does have some historical merit. This book was better than that, so I've given "The Bum Magnet" four....more
While I was reading Jen Knox memoir, “Musical Chairs�, I also happened to be reading Mackenzie Phillips’s, “High on Arrival�. This gave me a comparatiWhile I was reading Jen Knox memoir, “Musical Chairs�, I also happened to be reading Mackenzie Phillips’s, “High on Arrival�. This gave me a comparative perspective on the two books. If you haven’t already read “High on Arrival�, my advice would be don’t bother and read “Musical Chairs� instead. Jen Knox’s book is what Mackenzie Phillips’s book should have been.
These books are the first ones for each author. Being a survivor of sexual abuse myself, I’m typically for any book that brings this horrific subject into the public realm. How else can such things be dealt with? Pretending that such things don’t happen, or that they always happen to someone else conveniently outside our families, doesn’t seem to work very well. So, I was really enthused when Phillips’s book came out. I watched the Oprah interview (and one or two of the others) and ordered her book.
In my opinion, Mackenzie Phillips is still in “pretend mode�. Her continual justifications of her father’s actions and affirmations of her love for him really grew tiresome. At this point I can’t even imagine that Phillips will be able to stay away from drugs. Let’s face it, she’s only been “clean� long enough to write the book (with the aid of coauthor Hilary Liftin � and even that didn’t help much). Phillips last arrest for drug possession was only a little over a year ago:
Problems like Phillips has don’t get fixed in a year. Her message seems to be:
1). If you’re in an abusive situation, continue in it until your perpetrator dies. 2). Once that happens try to see if you can fix what’s left of you, but only after you get thrown into jail for possession. 3). Continue to justify your perpetrator by saying things like; “he wasn’t a monster�, “he was a tortured man� (so that gives him the right to torture others?), “he was on drugs� (a “good� excuse for anything), “he was a musical genius� (as if that makes a difference?), “I had and have profound love and respect for him�, etc., etc., etc. 4). Then use your celebrity status to ram these ideas down the public’s throat.
I quit reading Phillips’s book on page 188, after a quite lengthy paragraph of these (and more) justifications. This is why I don’t think Phillips had made it very far down the road to recovery. I certainly hope that I’m wrong, I really do. I’d like to see her begin to lead a normal life, in the real world. But all this has got me wondering what it is that Mackenzie Phillips really does love.
It’s a shame that books like “High on Arrival� are given so much attention, while books like “Musical Chairs� linger in the background. Maybe our society should take a hard look within itself, as each and every individual should (addict or not), to preserve sanity?
In Jen Knox’s book, I can at least visualize her permanent recovery. It’s very difficult for those who have suffered from addiction and post-traumatic stress syndrome to fully recover and stay that way. Does anyone who suffers trauma ever really “fully� recover? Nevertheless, we can learn to lead normal lives, and find a degree of joy. “Musical Chairs� takes us down the path of much more typical roads to addiction and recovery, that almost anyone (even celebrities) should be able to relate to. Jen Knox’s ability to express herself as she goes through major events in her life, in both thought and feeling, is absolutely top notch. I found this especially true of her feelings (where Philips’s seem to be permanently blocked by drugs).
Jen Knox leads us through of a very honest and frank portrayal of her past. I admire her courage to take ownership of her past actions, let alone share them with the rest of the world. I’m sure her example will be truly beneficial to anyone who may read her work. (Phillips, on the other hand, keeps speaking as if it was another person who was doing these things, not her, as if she suffers from a split personality � which may be true.)
Though many women will read this book, they are not the only ones who should. If you’re a man, haven’t you wondered what goes through a strip-dancer’s mind, what REALLY goes through her mind and what she’s feeling while performing? Then you should read this book as well. It will give you quite a surprise (unless you’re already well acquainted with the psychology). Though this is only one woman’s experience, I believe it to be more typical than atypical of what women in this situation think and feel.
Criticisms? Jen Knox book isn’t perfect. There are some things I would like to have seen more fully fleshed out. For instance, what the meaning of her grandmother’s reoccurring delusion is. However, this is a memoir, not fiction. Reality seldom tires up all those loose ends of our lives. There are a few typos in the book; I think I counted about ten. Every book has typos, and as an author myself, I know how nearly impossible it is to get rid of them all. In one place there seems to be a sentence or two missing. But none of these cosmetic things are enough to distract from the story, or to affect my rating....more
It's been said that what makes a truly great author is honesty. An author needs to be honest with their topic, honest with their characters, and aboveIt's been said that what makes a truly great author is honesty. An author needs to be honest with their topic, honest with their characters, and above all, honest with themselves. Lori Newman excels in all three of these areas.
Sharing the details of her life was obviously painful for the author, but that pain comes across to us as well, in a powerful way. We feel her fear and confusion as the two men, who once professed that they loved her, join forces to do everything they can to destroy her sense of value, being loved and self-esteem � her very soul.
The latter half of the book mostly deals with her court battles. I thought this area might be boring. It turned out to be anything but. Astonishingly, Newman's skillful way of expressing herself continued to draw me into her plight, more so than I would have thought possible.
This book deals with a very poignant social issue. There are laws to protect people from physical and sexual abuse. Even so, they can be difficult to enforce and have various degrees of success protecting those who need it. However, there really are no laws, to speak of, that protect one from psychological abuse.
As psychological pain may be just as real and painful as physical pain, psychological abuse may be just as devastating as physical abuse. And yet, how can one escape from psychological abuse in a world that treats this social ill so lightly? That's what Newman's book is all about and why she has written it. This book is not only educational, but a very entertaining read as well. It certainly held my attention.
Newman’s book is also a warning for young women to be very careful about whom they entrust their hearts to. On the surface, there may appear to be very little difference between a “charismatic� individual and a narcissistic one. Indeed, people who have spent so much time polishing and refining the external expression of themselves, their “façade�, may be doing so to hide some very unpleasant things beneath it. And, of course, in the intimacy of marriage, this façade can’t be maintained for long.
A NOTE ABOUT THE KINDLE VERSION: I purchased this book as an ebook. In fact, if it weren’t for the Kindle Store's sampling feature, I probably wouldn't have decided to read it at all. On a topic like this, I was afraid that the book might just be someone's vengeful "spouting off" against their ex-husbands. We've all seen people like this, both male and female, who by lying to themselves and others try to pull everything around them, including the social institutions such as the justice system, into their own warped view of "reality". The sample convinced me that this was not the case with Newman.
There are two such individuals in the book, but they turn out to be her ex-husbands, not her. It is this very fact that empowers the justice system to work in Newman's favor. I'm often amazed that these sorts of people don't recognize that the very institutions they are trying to manipulate have to deal with people like them every day. I guess it all goes to show that you should never underestimate the ego of a narcissist! It is this very ego that the judges recognize, leading to the narcissist’s downfall. Nevertheless, this weakness may be very difficult for someone “under their spell� to recognize, and Newman provides many practical examples of how to break free from their influence.
The Kindle version has a few issues, but nothing that hindered my reading experience. The Table of Contents is inappropriately “wrapped� (it looks OK if you switch to “landscape� or the smallest available font on the Kindle 2), and occasionally you run into two words that have been joined together without a space between them. I recognize both of these aberrations as artifacts of the program(s) that converted the book into the Kindle format. Still, these are very little things and I certainly wouldn’t want to steer anyone away from the ebook on that basis. I’ve noticed there an earlier Kindle version (by a few days) of the book (same title and author) in the Kindle store. I don’t know what the difference is, but it’s probably better to purchase the later version (this version). ...more
When I showed a draft of this book to Sheila Pfeiffer, who became one of my editors, she said, “Why would you even want to write a book that talks aboWhen I showed a draft of this book to Sheila Pfeiffer, who became one of my editors, she said, “Why would you even want to write a book that talks about child sexual abuse?� That’s a good question. She thought it was pointless to write such a book, that men (and unfortunately a few women as well) in positions of power to perpetrate such acts are seldom exposed, let alone sufficiently restricted by society so that they don’t repeat offend.
In the book, “Shame, Blame, and Child Sexual Abuse� by Jane F. Gilgun, Ph.D., LICSW and a professor at University of Minnesota’s School of Social Work, is a case study of a man who molested thousands of little girls over a period of nearly fifty years before getting caught. These occurrences all happened within a 25-mile radius of where he lived. How is such a thing even possible in our society?
Another case study in that same book describes a mother whose son molested his daughter. Even after the son confessed to his crime, the mother refused to believe it and excommunicated her own granddaughter, blaming her and the authorities of conspiracy because she believed her own son could never do such a thing. The more respectable and influential a person is, the less likely their abuses will ever be reported, or even if they are, the less likely they will be believed. This coupled with the human tendency towards denial gives perpetrators tremendous power to commit their crimes in our society.
Which do you think is worse, cold-blooded murder, or child sexual abuse? Which one do you think happens more often? The answers to these questions should be obvious. And yet, what do our children constantly see on TV? From a child’s point of view, wouldn’t it be easier for them to conclude that murder is more socially acceptable than becoming involved in something such as incest, even if they are forced? It’s little wonder that many abused children never do tell what has happened to them, even throughout their entire life.
The Safety Factor series explores the thoughts and feelings of a girl who has been sexually abused, and her long road to recovery. Perpetrators of these crimes typically fail to relate to the damage that they’re doing, rationalizing that it’s OK because it doesn’t show up on their victim’s body as physical abuse does. They may even fool themselves into thinking that the child “wanted it�. To help keep these things from happening, everyone needs to know just what the effects of sexual abuse really are.
Another thing many people don’t realize is that severe emotional damage may linger for years after the abuse has stopped, often lasting for the rest of the survivor’s life. But it doesn’t have to be this way. So the approach of this book is twofold. First of all, to help prevent abuse in the first place, and secondly, to give hope and some practical information to those who have suffered abuse.
The bane of sexual abuse isn’t the only theme running through The Safety Factor series, though. Not by any means. A little while ago I got into an online discussion with a man who is a teacher of mathematics and science, of which I know a little something as well. I encountered him on a blog dedicated to faith and spirituality. He was trying to convince those there that they were ignorant fools to have faith in God (in slightly nicer words than that, but only slightly). I pointed out to him that all of science is based on mathematics, and even the mathematicians themselves have shown that mathematics is inconsistent within itself. I was somewhat surprised at the reaction I got from him, which was much like the reaction he was getting from the religionists, though the latter were considerably nicer about it.
If you don’t believe me about the fallibility of mathematics, take a look at this 1985 PBS show on You Tube. I’d recommend watching the whole 8-part thing starting here:
But if you’re in a hurry, here are the relevant portions:
and
Our society tends to portray science as some infallible god, whose very theories are facts beyond dispute. Seldom is the public presented with views to the contrary. The truth of the matter is that our modern (western) view of the world is largely based on 17th century thinking, with little but minor tweaks being made since then. Very few people realize this, but a good source on the subject is Butterfield’s book: The Origins of Modern Science. Starting The Safety Factor series out as a historical fiction novel at the beginning of the 18th century is one way of introducing the reader to the actual history of our scientific views.
Can I take credit for these “unusual� ways of looking at our universe? No, certainly not. Early on in my life, I had total faith in science much like the teacher mentioned above. During my college education I was fortunate enough to have a string of very good professors who shocked me out of my fallacious understanding. Dr. Brown, my astronomy professor, who taught me (among other things) that scientific theories are merely models of the world around us; that a model is not the same thing as what it represents; and that we should always be on the lookout for better models that more accurately predict reality. Dr. Vauter, my physics and cosmology professor, really threw me for a loop when he made the statement (in private) that, “Science is a religion, complete with doctrines, taboos, excommunications and so forth.� Dr. Albert C. Leisenring, professor of mathematics under whom I studied for an entire year learning Computability and Graph theories, introduced me to Bertrand Russell, Alfred Whitehead and Kurt Godel concerning the contradictions and limitations of mathematics mentioned above. And Rob Showman, one of my early professional mentors, who taught me that, “It’s never too late to start over again from scratch.�
Though all of this is common knowledge in these “ivory tower� areas of the human experience, they are certainly not common knowledge to the public as a whole. Another of the heavy-duty themes running through The Safety Factor series is a laypersons exposition into some of these ideas, and beyond, in the true spirit of science fiction. For instance, is the scientist who believes in the mathematical concept of infinity really any different from the person who believes in God? Or even more fundamentally, might the scientist’s concept of infinity actually be the same thing as belief in God, just labeled with different names so people can fuss and argue with each other about it? And what would happen if the concept of infinity were taken away from both science and God?
If you look at how most people view God, you’re almost immediately forced into two extreme viewpoints (ignoring agnostics, who don’t care anyway): either God doesn’t exist at all, or God is the be-all and end-all of everything in existence. There are serious problems with either one of these extremes, as philosophers and the clergy have been arguing about for millennia. Science can take us all the way back to the first few nanoseconds of the Big Bang, then things fall apart because nobody knows what happened “before� then, which is a problem if God=zero. On the other hand, if God is infinite, that is God must include everything that exists, then God of necessity must include every single atom and person (as in New Age “philosophy�, i.e. we are God) that exists in the universe, and even all evil to boot.
While I was in college, I was also fortunate enough to be able to study psychology in addition to my other studies. Whenever I see something as bipolar as how people view God, alarm bells go off in my head! Not only do people in general tend to adhere one of these two extreme viewpoints concerning God, but even a single person may flip back and forth from one “pole� to the other throughout their lifetime. If you think of these two extreme views as opposite ends on a number line, with zero on one end and infinity on the other, you might well ask, “What about all the space in-between?�
When faced with two extremes, isn’t reality usually somewhere in the middle? Someone who suffers from bipolar disorder is not considered normal or cured when they are at either end of the spectrum, even when at the end of extreme well-being and joy. What is desirable is to be somewhere in the middle, where balance between the extremes prevails. Is it possible to view God in this way, as somewhere in the middle between zero and all-everything? Is it possible that God exists, but is not infinite in the mathematical or religious sense? Ah, this is another thought that’s explored in great detail throughout The Safety Factor series.
Then there is the story itself. I’ve wrapped up all of this and much more in a story that can stand on its own two feet. So if you don’t care about the sociology, psychology, science and mathematics, just enjoy the story as an entity in itself. It’s more or less a modernized, adult version of “Alice in Wonderland�, having a charm all of its own. I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it!...more
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