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This is the only warning you get: not full spoilers but, they are spoilers nevertheless.

Okay. I was asked by a friend of mine to do a review of Gone Girl.

Let's get started. *cracks knuckles*

First of all, Gone girl wasted hours of my life starting the action of Amy's kidnapping on page 41. What the hell? Why did you not just make page 41 page 1? I think you were trying to create suspense with those pages but, imagine someone who has a thousand "To-Reads." Do you really think they're going to wait a thousand pages for the story to start?

No.

I didn't think so.

Now, onto the characters. I am someone who LOVES did I mention loves? killers.

I loved Dexter, Hannibal, Queen Elizabeth the something who killed virgins and bathed in their blood (mostly kids) but, I did not like any of the characters.

Let's start with Nick. Nick Nick. You had one job. One job. Being a husband who doesn't cheat.

You failed. He cheats and I definitely definitely understand why Amy did what she did but, Nick. Nick what the hell is up with that ending? Why did YOU do what YOU did? You could've killed her or something? You're sad. I wasted precious time on the 'hype' of others.

I want someone vicious doing something for a cause that they (the characters and I) believed in. But who did I get in return?

I got the "Amazing Amy." Hmmmm....now what does that name entail? Risks, murder, or just something other than the pathetic person Amy was. When someone like her does what she does the first thing I look for is motive. Her 'motive?' That she "likes to win." Hmmm....well I went with that. Anyone can be pushed I suppose. I kept going and still didn't believe in why she was doing that. I love when killers give me that release of destroying what I cannot, the things they hate. Dexter had the urge to do harm and so he harnessed that through other killers. I really liked that. Okay I'm getting off topic trying to explain a point that's how bored I am. Amy Amy Amy. You were supposed to release my stress and help me get that rush when something interesting happened. You did not and for that I am sad. I pity you for "not winning" the way you wanted to. Instead you had to do what you had to in the end and call it "your point." you 'win', right?

The idea was good at its premise but, I saw nothing that intrigued me. Some may say I wasn't looking hard enough. Others may say I just don't understand. I think I wouldn't look anymore at the book if someone paid me. I'm sorry but, I think the hype was created because someone famous said something nice and everyone rushed to get the book. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I don't like hurting feelings.

The story was meh but, the premise was good.

Overall a 2.5 sadly disappointed stars.

Rounded up for some reason.