Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

Today's book is given to you by the letter "C." Cheesy, campy, cartoony and cliche-ridden. We meet Lord Alexander Hawke, the "hero" of this novel in the prologue when he's seven-years-old. Pirates board his family yacht in search of a treasure map. Apparently a descendent of the original owner of the treasure centuries ago just happens to catch wind that the descendent of the privateer that supposedly stole it is sailing on his yacht, and Alex's father, who doesn't know this nevertheless thinks to put the treasure map into his son's pocket before hiding him when he suspects there are intruders aboard. Quel coincidence! Alex watches while pirates festooned with a spider tattoo that spouts a sprinkling of cartoon villain Spanish murders his parents. The orphan is then raised by his grandfather and grows up "a expert in the art of blowing things up and killing people silently with a knife or one's bare hands."

When we next see Alex all grown up, he takes on three punks, breaking a clavicle of one who blocks his way and taking on him and his friends with relish. Oh, and the villain? He's lost all color in his iris because he was held in the darkness too long. See what I mean about cartoony and campy? Also, too many exclamation points. And much, much too much testosterone.