Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

Reader: Oh, hi, book! How are you doing?

Book: Contemplating the sense of life! [Three pages speech about the sense of life], you see?

Reader: Erm... yes... anyway, have you been anywhere nice recently?

Book: I have been to the Sierra Nevada, captured by bandits, held for ransom and then gone to hell.

Reader: They killed you?!

Book: Oh, no, I fell asleep.

Reader: And you couldn't have done that at home?

Book: What is the sense in sleeping if you don't do it in charming surroundings? And at least now I understand the relevancy of my life, of my struggles, and why I am where I am and who I am and [forty pages on the sense of life].

Reader: Good for you. Hey, did you hear? Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are getting married.

Book: [Ninety pages on the truth and state of courtship and marriage, sex and procreation]

Reader: I'm sorry to hear that. You won't be watching it then?

Book: I don't have eyes.

Reader: Oh, right... sorry.

Book: No problem.

Reader: Well, are you alright now after your kidnapping?

Book: Not very. I have been kidnapped again.

Reader: Oh... okay? Do you need any help?

Book: A divorce attorney, I suppose.

Reader: ... you mean you've gotten married?

Book: No, I mean I've purchased a new house. Of course I got married. What else do divorce attorneys do?

Reader: Watching their friends get married and lovingly stroking their bank accounts?

Book: That too.

Reader: So, your kidnapping is your marriage?

Book: What else is marriage?

Reader: A reckless waste of money for the excuse to wear a beautiful dress only once in your life?

Book: It is the appreciation of the beautiful that results in wednappings.

Reader: You could always fake your own death.

Book: Oh, but I can't. I want to be with her.

Reader: Then why did you get married?

Book: She trapped me.

Reader: And that's what divorce attorneys are good for.

Book: But what is the use? I will always be her slave.

Reader: You can divorce her.

Book: Yet I shall always be her slave.

Reader: Or you can divorce her.

Book: And I shall still always be her slave.

Reader: Then clearly you get off on that and I wish you all the best. At least your sex life will be interesting.

Book: Sex with paper sounds rather painful.

Reader: You are an eBook.

Book: Oh, rig- *catches a virus and dies*

Reader: And I wasn't even invited to your devildamn wedding! *shakes head and trots off to become a divorce attorney*

(Curtain)