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How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
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really liked it
bookshelves: self-help

Overall:
A well written book with a lot of examples, including many of good folks from the history and many without any citation, but none-the-less seem real. The examples are written so that the message goes across well. Repetition is avoided. The stuff mentioned is pretty obvious and simple, but important and often ignored. Worth reading multiple times as the preface recommends.

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105 SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
PRINCIPLE 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
PRINCIPLE 2: Smile
PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
PRINCIPLE 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
PRINCIPLE 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
PRINCIPLE 6: Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.
110 You cannot win an argument
Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’t want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle. Don’t forget this lesson!
I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will always resent your triumph and “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still…�
112 Which would you rather have, an academic theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You can seldom have both.
Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,� and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Better give your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cute the bite.
114 How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
1. Welcome the disagreement: Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.� If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.
2. Distrust your first instinctive impressions: Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not at your best.
3. Control your temper: Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
4. Listen first; Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend, or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
5. Look for areas of agreement: When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
6. Be honest: Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
7. Promise to think over your opponents� ideas and study them carefully: and mean it! Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.�
8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest: Anyone who takes the time to adisagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.
9. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions.
Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am quiet about it, what the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an opportunity for me?
PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

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Reading Progress

May 18, 2008 – Shelved
Started Reading
June 6, 2008 – Finished Reading
July 18, 2008 – Shelved as: self-help

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message 1: by Ar (new)

Ar great comment


message 2: by Jess (new) - added it

Jess Very good in picking out key points!


message 3: by Iqra (new) - added it

Iqra Ameen How to read aa book


message 4: by Iqra (new) - added it

Iqra Ameen How can we open aa book


message 5: by Iqra (new) - added it

Iqra Ameen First we have to purchase it?


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