Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

** spoiler alert ** This isn't a review so much as a frothing rant interspersed with frequent headdesking and book-throwing. You may want to steer clear.

I don't even care how good the last story was (and it *was* quite good because Cinderella kicks arse). This gets a big fat FAIL for the horrible, overblown, gag-inspiring Snow White/Bigby reunion plot, in which children who are named like bodice ripper heroes and Woodstock flowerbrats are whimsically cute and charmingly misbehaved (but never too much because they are the PERFECT children, of course); the pretty princess observes her motherly duties in a perfect, motherly fashion and cries overwhelmed tears (because that's what women do, they CRY) when she is finally reunited with her man and her life's purpose thus restored; the rebound girl also cries at the horrible loss of a man who used to lounge on her couch stinking up her place with unwashed feet and whiskey as he mourned his one true love, but she accepts her fate because she knows she could never hold a candle to said leading lady (seriously, does anyone have a puke bucket?); and the big manly hero holds the cringewortiest, OTP-mongering, destiny-garbling, Twilight-reminiscent godawful speech about how he was meant to be with the heroine since before the planets started turning and he's old-fashioned, so "dammit little lady we're going to be married properly", at which point she continues crying, whispers something about how he's overcome all her defences with his big strong manliness, and wilts into his arms. I can't even begin to process all the clichéd misogynist crap in this tale - I thought this was supposed to be a gritty reboot of the fairy tale genre, not a thinly pastiched re-enaction of same? At least when I read an actual fairy tale, I know the lack of characterisation, novelty or layers is because it's a FOLK TALE, not someone's actual modern-day idea of what's romantic.

Not to mention the part where the entire community (of generally smart, level-headed people) completely loses their shit over the wedding of the century, including giving Fabletown's version of the white picket fence family a whole valley and new house all for themselves for free because they "deserve" it. How have they deserved it? Doing what? Doing their jobs for centuries? And, you know, getting paid for it? Like... every single other denizen of Fabletown has been doing? I can't even.

I've never thought Snow White was the strong female lead character they were obviously trying to create. She had power, yes - that doesn't make her strong. She was humourless, stuck up, brittle, self-centered and controlling to the point of tyranny. That doesn't make her strong either. Despite my dislike for the character, I felt disgusted when she was reduced to a barefoot and pregnant moping idiot whose only purpose seemed to be pining for Bigby and giving outraged anti-abortion speeches when someone with a sensible head on their shoulders dared suggest that if she didn't want to be pregnant, she didn't have to be. I was, however, glad that turn of events moved her out of the public eye, so you know, silver lining :p I do so very much hope she and Bigby and their brood will now get to enjoy their happily ever after firmly away from the rest of the action because the next time I see her acting irrationally because that's what women in love do har har, or him being grumpy yet loving because he's a strong silent manly man with a heart of gold, or their kids being cute because that's what they're for, I'm going to pull the book apart to make paper dolls. Because I'm perfectly capable of making up my own insipid fairy tales, tyvm.