ŷ������

I have been trying to drag myself through this book for the past few days and, if nothing changes, plan to give up within the next 25 pages.

Yes, this is a children’s book. No, I am not a child. However, I still believe that books can be timeless (ageless?). I read Roald Dahl again towards the end of last year and still found it hilarious. I’ve also read a few of Dean Lorey’s Nightmare Academy series and found them funny and well-written. While I wouldn’t jump to read every book in the series in its correct order, I’d definitely recommend them to parents or pick one up off the shelf for a short, sweet read. Though the writing is a little clichéd at times, and the plot is simple, I can chalk it up to being a kids�� book, enjoy it for what it is, and move on.

Not so with this one.

One thing that bugged me right off the bat was that this book was compared to Harry Potter. I hate that. I always have, and I always will. HP holds a very, very special place in my heart, but I always try to judge books on their own merit, rather than comparing them to others (unless the similarities are really blinding). Comparing this series to HP does it no favors whatsoever. I realize this is the publishing company’s fault and nothing to do with the book or the author herself. I’m just sayin��.

Stop it.

Next on the docket: the ‘Magyeicale�� words being bolded. At first I thought this was because I had an online version from the library, so I was willing to let it go, but no more. I’m fairly sure kids would recognize that the spell/act/concept is magical without the misspelling and formatting; they are children, not mentally deficient lemmings.

These irritations, however, pale in comparison to Sage’s writing itself, which really does seem to be aimed at a target audience of mentally deficient lemmings.

What. The. Fudge.

Example:
Roughly a page in, we are told how Silas Heap finds a baby in the snow, smuggles her in through the city gates, and is accosted by the new Grand High Poobah, who warns him to raise the child as his own.

He does so.

Roughly 20 pages later, GHP sweeps back into Silas�� life to take the baby back. Silas, apparently in the strong hope that GHP has magyeicalley forgotten that she gave him the baby, in essence says, “What the fudge, woman? This black-haired, violet-eyed child is the very fruit of my and my wife’s blond, green-eyed loins. She is the bosom sister of my six blond, green-eyed male children. You cannot tear them asunder!��

To which GHP replies, “Remember that time when you found a baby in the snow, smuggled her in through the city gates, and saw me, and I warned you to raise her as your own?��

”Oh yeah! Was really hoping you wouldn’t remember, tbh.��

By this point, even the lemmings might scoff.

I? I will read 25 more pages because I love books and want to grant each one of them equal opportunity to win my heart. (Even the insufferably stupid ones.)