Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

I received an advanced reader's copy of this audiobook for review purposes from the publisher from netgalley. this in no way influences my review and all thoughts and opinions are my own.

where do I start with this book oh my god

I used to be a huge contemporary fan when I first got back into reading at the start of high school. I still adore the genre, but a contemporary hasn't made my heart feel so full and content and happy and in love with life and with reading in...a while. I adored this book with all my heart.

primarily, this book is a love letter to the queer community and anyone struggling with identity or shifting friendships in general. I don't think a book has encompassed all the terrible and amazing facets of being queer for me this accurately before. it nails the initial inertia to coming out to yourself, the messy friendships, the really intricate stuff about being queer you'd only really get if you've experienced it yourself. the feeling that can't be compared to anything else when you find your first queer friend/friend groups and bond over your experiences, feeling accepted and seen for the first time. the hesitation to come out for reasons beyond the worst case scenarios, the feeling of being erased and the all too common and awful experience of having to overanalyse all your friendships and relationships in how it naturally changes your dynamic. the loneliness and the guilt and the jealously over not being able to let yourself be as open with your assumedly straight friends as they are with each other even when you've known them forever, and how that makes your first interactions with the queer community something that much more special and memorable. queerness aside, it also explores ethnic identity and feeling disconnected from your culture and that hit so close to home:�)

this book is also, fundamentally, about friendship, identity and growing up. it took me back to my last year of IRL school and brought back a shit ton of fond memories and nostalgia and just how messy and refreshing that experience is, although finally, it was worth all the angst. I kind of, sort of, definitely miss 2k19 now thanks to this book, but I'm also so glad it happened and it was the best year of my life.


another thing I loved about this book was the nuance and detail with which it explores different kinds of friendships. it's the most friendship-centric thing I've read in a while and the big found family at its heart is so well developed and awesome and is probably going to live rent-free in my head for years to come. how friendships fade and come back and how there are so many of them that can mean so many different things and all feel special in completely different ways.

oh my god the FOUND FAMILY. where do I start.

so...you have ophelia, our hopeless romantic cuban-irish protagonist who's somewhat ironically obsessed with shakespeare and super passionate about gardening, flowers and the people she loves. her best friend from infancy, sammy, who's annoying and sarcastic and really just an adorable little shit who she has an almost sibling-like dynamic with. he also has this huge, classically overbearing desi extended family that makes up for her lack thereof with her mom’s relatives, and they sort of seek refuge in each other’s homes. she kinda had a crush on him when they were little but it wasn't a huge deal, and they briefly grew apart because of middle school weirdness for a while and they do have their fights and rough patches even over the course of the novel but they're essentially like the relationship that's essentially a constant in your life, which makes adapting to each other changing kind of hard to get around.

then you have agatha, who’s bold and creative and who she grew close to during her rough patch with sammy in middle school and is sort of that best friend who’s special for being the first person you ever chose, the first friendship that didn’t seem pre-ordained but exciting and electric. they don’t exactly have that stable sibling dynamic she has with sammy, but they’re as special to each other as best friends. there’s lindsay, who is the designated token straight and sort of came as a package deal with agatha. they don’t have a grand, forever friendship, but they’re still close and both intrinsic to the squad!

lindsay is the “popular� kid who always has guys pining over her and she brings wesley, who’s kinda quiet and artsy and seems like he cares more about his other friends talia and zac, into the fold. talia’s the kind of distinguished bi every queer girl can probably relate to their first girl crush and she’s a MATH NERD who also happens to be afro-latine and a girl (as a fellow math nerd omg this made me so happy) and wants a tattoo of the quadratic formula on her forearm, which is the most iconic thing I’ve had any character declare in all of literature hands down. somewhere along the line their friend groups convene and it’s kind of like this beautiful culmination of realizing all the potential and casual friendships oph has with people at school coming together during their final year at school, which is just kdjfksjdfhdsjfh THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER

a common theme ive noticed with these kinds of stories involving the main character realizing they’re queer is that usually, it’s seen as all worth it because they end up with the first person who made them question their identity and it makes everything neatly click in place. I loved that this DIDNT happen here; i honestly find the experience of having your big queer awakening over an unrequited crush and it STILL being worth it so much more relatable and refreshing?? especially since said crush was also a queer girl and that’s what gave ophelia the courage to acknowledge her feelings in the first place. it’s not “getting the girl� that makes ophelia’s experience so beautiful; it’s everything about her journey with queerness. this is also one of those books where you start off assuming everyone’s straight because of how almost everyone seems to take it as a given, but that ends up being wildly untrue. talia, zac and especially wesley are so, so patient and supportive throughout ophelia’s sexuality crisis and sort of welcome her into their little queer family even when she lashes out at them because of insecurity. the classic coming out chain reaction happens with her older friends, with all of them coming out as queer one after another after the first person comes out (100% accurate representation i need more of). every character has a unique and special relationship with each other and none of them are brushed to the side and it’s so beautiful. there’s a lot of authentic exploration of so many queer idenities and the microexperiences that come with them too: you have unlabeled queer characters, questioning characters, bisexual and pansexual characters that end up with girls and boys and fall across the spectrum, biromantic ace characters and aromantic characters front and centre and so many casually queer characters on the side too. pretty much all of them are characters of colour too??

oh, and the family relationships. were. everything. none of them were perfect, but the range of support and love so many of these characters shared with their more traditional parents almost made me cry. there was a fair share of dysfunctional and broken familial relationships too, but so much of this book was people not understanding but giving all they have to try for the people they love and i love that so much. special shoutout to the initially lost korean parents going all out to buy their son bi and ace pride flags after he came out to them. they are the true mvps of this book oh my god

all in all, i could ramble about this book forever and there’s just so much to love about it. it’s practically the literary manifestation of a warm, comforting hug and if you’re still here GO READ IT ASAP PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS

(also the audiobook for this was specifically so good, im kind of in love with the narrator ksjdfhdskjfh and they impossibly made this book even better. also, it has officially confirmed me as a huge simp for girls doing guy voices i really need help)