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I’m alone in these thoughts, alone in my field. Every one of my colleagues took up the study of suicide with the aim of eventually contributing to its prevention. I’ve come to realise I entered into it with the aim of contributing to its defence.

Wow. This book was VERY personal to me and touched a lot of nerves, but I think anyone will be affected by it.

So, this book is about suicide. Read the title again. Yup.

It reminded me a little of A Little Life and then there was literally a chapter about the MC, Jessica, reading that at her book club, and how she felt a certain way and felt guilty for her views, until another member of the club says the same thing: 'Why didn't he do it [kill himself] earlier and save everyone such a hard time?' And Jessica feels that, finally, there's someone who understands her, who sees suicide as a functioning part of evolutionary biology, that some people are better off dead and that they understand this and are able to think about the bigger picture and actually go through the act. Jessica feels relieved that someone else shares her view - because it's not a popular one, even though her work is directly about the potential biological advantages of suicide; no one else has ever really felt the way that Jessica has felt for years now, and suddenly, someone is on her side, they see her way of viewing the world.

And then the member of her book group says that she's only kidding, she'd never wish that, but it was affective to stir up some good discussion, wasn't it?

Oh.

Effie Black has done a superb job in talking about this most taboo of subjects. It could be a dangerous book to read if you are depressed or have a history of suicide, so take this as a big Content Warning in case you didn't already need it. (view spoiler)[ I do, in fact, fall into both of those categories myself and... was I triggered? No, I suppose not. But I sure as hell agreed with Jessica, until she rearranged her world view. Then, I felt almost angry and definitely let down, like Jessie does with the person at her book club. I thought you were on my side! And this is something that I know, rationally, is pathological. It's not something I talk about outloud, and that's why it's in spoiler quotes here; I'm not sure whether I want anyone to read this bit or not. But, despite the pain it causes, can suicide ever be ultimately redemptive? Jessie changes her mind towards the 'no' camp in a believable, nuanced way throughout the book. I believed her journey and I followed her, whilst still feeling betrayed. Did Effie Black decide that it was too dangerous to publish a book with this message? Was it always intended to be this way (I suspect so). A lot of questions are thrown up by the last quarter or so of this novel, and one thing that's also hard to read, is how Jessie is saved, essentially, by becoming a parental figure. It felt a bit dismayingly heteronormative in some ways. There are other ways this book could have gone, so many different directions. But I am not surprised at the paradigm shift; a book might be published that takes this view, but it would never make it onto The Women's Prize. It's too dangerous. And I hope very, very much that no one is actively triggered by this. (hide spoiler)]

It's an excellent debut novel with a good construction of anecdotal flashbacks and short vignettes that explained where Jessica's views stemmed from, and other events that support them. They all felt (perhaps painfully too) real to me. I really believed in Jessica's character, and even if you don't share her views in the slightest, I think you'll find it hard to disagree with her rational even if you don't share her sentiments. She's a very easy character to relate to.

The structure is also broken up by short chapters each entitled A Black Day which is clearly a funeral, but you really have no idea whose funeral it is until the end. That was really effective, very cleverly done indeed.

In speaking with an evolutionary biologist (handy to have one around for moments like this!), he enjoyed the book and thought it was a good read, but as an evolutionary biologist, he didn't feel that her work was legitimate. He understood her sentiments, but he said in his 40+ year career where he has lived and breathed evolutionary biology, there is no way that the fact that one spider apparently altruistically kills itself when it is past child-bearing age would lead to anyone with knowledge in biology to believe that this could be transposed to humans. One, because we only share a tiny, infinitesimal amount of DNA with this rare, specific spider. Two, because that's not how funding works. However he enjoyed the book and only wished (view spoiler)[that she she had never left Jamie. He was positively angry at her for leaving Jamie, and felt like he wanted to get inside the pages and strangle her for the self-destruction of her life. I think many readers will probably feel the same. If only, if only... When she returns and finds that Jamie is pregnant, my heart genuinely broke a little. (hide spoiler)] So, there's a kind of 'official' viewpoint if you like: brilliant story, but it shouldn't have involved evolutionary biology.

This is a dark, but also redemptive book, a mixture of laughter and sorrow - yes, there's even humour! Jessica's pessimism does not spread to every corner of her life, and her troubled past does not overshadow everything. I really loved the exploration of queer love, and of sisterly bonding.

A fantastic book, terrific debut. I'm disappointed, although not surprised due to the subject matter and at times the slightly debut-esque nature of Black's writing (only very occasionally!).

Definitely recommend - unless you think you will be triggered. One of the most relatable, believable books that I have read this year.