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Once again, I sidestep actual therapy for myself by reading a psychology book about therapy. And in this case, I'm willing to bet this book is equivalent to a few months of therapy. And much cheaper! (Being cost-effective about my mental health makes me feel really Dutch btw.)

This book is so good, it makes the whole wellness industry look like a scam. If you're experiencing emotional abuse, pricey meditation retreats won't solve anything; they'll only make you feel inept that you can't find peace when in fact, the abuse is the problem. Durvasula understands that and provides lots of clarity and compassionate advice, starting with the title, "It's not you."

I learned so much from this book. Emotional abuse has always felt like murky territory to me, since I dislike tagging people with the "abuser" label and therefore tend to justify or minimize abusive behavior instead of recognizing it and validating the pain it causes. Durvasula is a beacon of light in that murkiness. She specifies exactly what emotional abuse looks and feels like, as well as the best strategies for dealing with it based on years of research and experience as a therapist.

Although this book focuses on narcissistic abuse (something I knew little of beforehand and was grateful to learn about), I would recommend it to anyone who's empathetic, forgiving, apologetic, or otherwise prone to self-blame. Reading about emotional abuse and manipulation can help you recognize unacceptable behavior, draw boundaries, and step back from bad situations, saving your emotional energy for people who won't take it for granted.

Admittedly, reading this book has made me more cynical. (I didn't think that was possible, but lo and behold...) However, as Durvasula points out, cynicism can be a good thing if it makes you more discerning and protects your joy and peace. It's especially essential for survivors clinging to the hope that a narcissist will change when typically they don't.

That fatalistic perspective is necessary for breaking a cycle of abuse, but it might be discouraging for people with personality disorders who genuinely want to heal and change. Those people should stick with therapy and perhaps the NPD subreddit, as this book will punt them off a cliff metaphorically-speaking.

But for survivors of emotional abuse, or anyone who wants to better understand the dynamics of emotional abuse - yes, read this book. It'll not only help you heal from past abuse, but also give you clear guidelines for avoiding abusive situations in the future and mastering your Mona Lisa smile for the situations you can't avoid.