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having previously read from this author, i was really excited to read this one -- i read adults, which i thought was phenomenal, a really great use of narrative voice, and a very brave, funny look at its central themes. considering the title of this (and the synopsis) i thought this would be similar. i was right!!!

i enjoyed this so much. emma jane unsworth has such great use of voice and character, imo. this switches between first and third person, from sarah as a woman in her forties and sarah as a girl about to sit her gcses. it's so skilful too: the close intensity of the teenage voice and the slightly more modulated adult narration. this isn't to say that both aren't hot messes because sarah very much is. and i adored her for it. like i said before, i think what i loved so much about previous works is that i thought it was very brave and i think this is continues that. sarah (and her sister and her friends) are often propelling themselves through the kind of morally questionable scenarios that leads to boring discussions about "likeability." this isn't a book particularly interested in that: instead it's a more honest depiction of how hard it is to be honest with yourself and with others and how a refusal to do so can lead to a hampering of relationships with, again, the self and others. but what i found so lovely about this is that it doesn't seem to suggest that you don't experience the good, from it. sarah and juliette, her sister, have not been honest with each other but they so clearly adored one another anyway; they have found each others presence enriching and invigorating and infuriating in equal measure. it's only towards the end of the novel, though, that they embrace it fully.

i really enjoyed being on this journey with them. sisters always get me and i thought a real depth of affection was obvious here. both sisters are dealing with big life issues: there's love affairs, alcoholism, bodily issues, ageing. but i think it was dealt with both seriously but with great humour, one of my absolute favourite parts of life and also with books. i suppose the humour here won't work for everyone but it really did for me.

one of the most startling parts of this is when the novel shifts back to sarah's teenage years. the style changes but it's still funny and honest and very raw. sarah is apparently in love and running off with a teacher, but pretty quickly a question is introduced about how much this is rooted in reality. unsworth created such a magically propulsive, really hilarious and also a very mortifying real adolescent voice here. it felt true to experiences at this age: huge and all encompassing, even if an outsider may or may not agree on how impactful these moments can be. i really enjoyed reading them and i enjoyed seeing how much sarah as a properly grown adult woman reflected these. towards the very end of the book, the medical notes are brought in and i will say i thought this was such a poignant, empathetic look at the characters within.

this feels like it may be a very marmite book, because i feel like unsworth's humour and her characters may not be for everyone. but i've loved the darker, complex emotions and people she's created and i loved this.

i received an arc of this from netgalley, which tyvm because i enjoyed the heck out of this. i hope it finds its readers because i thought it was excellent!!!