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MihaElla 's Reviews > ±Ê°ùă²ú³ÜÈ™¾±°ù±ð²¹
±Ê°ùă²ú³ÜÈ™¾±°ù±ð²¹
by
by
...the waste and the horror -- what I could have become, what I could have done and it was lost, wasted, gone, scattered irretrievably. I could have done this, I could have refrained from this, I could have been bold when I was timid, cautious when I was hasty.
I shouldn't have hurt her like this.
I shouldn't have said that to him either.
Nor should I have broken my bones trying to defeat what was invincible.
Now the horror is coming like a storm -- what if this night foreshadows the night before death? -- what if the afterlife is nothing but an eternal oscillation on the edge of a chasm, with all the vile and perverse things in each pushing us forward, while all the vile and perverse things in the world wait just beyond? No options, no open paths, no hope -- just the endless repetition of the sordid and the semi-tragic. Or, perhaps, to stand forever on the threshold of life, unable to cross it and return to it. Now, as the clock strikes four, I am a ghost...
**
...my problem became that of discovering why and in what way I had changed, where the crack was through which, without my knowing it, my enthusiasm and vitality were constantly and prematurely leaking out.
***
This is what I believe now: that the natural state of a conscious adult is one of specialized unhappiness. And I also believe that an adult's desire to prove oneself more than one is, that permanent struggle (as those who make their living saying such things say), does nothing but amplify his/her unhappiness to the end -- until it puts an end to youth and hope.
****
…senzația ca, în esență, viața este o păcăleală, ca termenii impuși te sortesc înfrângerii și că izbăvirea nu vine din lucruri precum “fericirea și plăcerea�, ci din satisfacțiile mai profunde izvorâte din lupta cu ea. Odată ce ai descoperit asta în teorie, din viețile si concluziile oamenilor mari, poți să ai parte de al naibii de mult mai multă bucurie din lucrurile luminoase care îți ies în cale, oricare or fi ele�
I shouldn't have hurt her like this.
I shouldn't have said that to him either.
Nor should I have broken my bones trying to defeat what was invincible.
Now the horror is coming like a storm -- what if this night foreshadows the night before death? -- what if the afterlife is nothing but an eternal oscillation on the edge of a chasm, with all the vile and perverse things in each pushing us forward, while all the vile and perverse things in the world wait just beyond? No options, no open paths, no hope -- just the endless repetition of the sordid and the semi-tragic. Or, perhaps, to stand forever on the threshold of life, unable to cross it and return to it. Now, as the clock strikes four, I am a ghost...
**
...my problem became that of discovering why and in what way I had changed, where the crack was through which, without my knowing it, my enthusiasm and vitality were constantly and prematurely leaking out.
***
This is what I believe now: that the natural state of a conscious adult is one of specialized unhappiness. And I also believe that an adult's desire to prove oneself more than one is, that permanent struggle (as those who make their living saying such things say), does nothing but amplify his/her unhappiness to the end -- until it puts an end to youth and hope.
****
…senzația ca, în esență, viața este o păcăleală, ca termenii impuși te sortesc înfrângerii și că izbăvirea nu vine din lucruri precum “fericirea și plăcerea�, ci din satisfacțiile mai profunde izvorâte din lupta cu ea. Odată ce ai descoperit asta în teorie, din viețile si concluziile oamenilor mari, poți să ai parte de al naibii de mult mai multă bucurie din lucrurile luminoase care îți ies în cale, oricare or fi ele�
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Reading Progress
March 11, 2025
–
Started Reading
March 11, 2025
– Shelved
March 14, 2025
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2.88%
"Evenimentele din 1919 ne-au facut mai degraba cinici decat revolutionari, in ciuda faptului ca acum scotocim cu totii prin cufere, intrebandu-ne unde naiba am pus sapca libertatii - "Stiu ca era pe aici" - si bluza de mojic. O trasatura specifica a Epocii Jazzului a fost lipsa completa de interes fata de politica..."
page
12
March 27, 2025
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5.05%
"Era un fel de comedie de duzina, dar se vedea clar ca banii si puterea ajungeau in mainile unor oameni fata de care conducatorul unui sat sovietic ar parea o comoara de bun-simt si educatie. In 1928 si 1929 au existat cetateni ce au calatorit in conditii de lux si care, in discordanta cu noul lor statut, aveau valoarea umana a unor pechinezi, a unor scoici bivalve, cretini si capre."
page
21
March 27, 2025
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6.49%
"Slabe sanse -- caci in urmatorii doi ani am avut la fel de mult control asupra propriului destin cat are un detinut asupra croielii vesmintelor sale. In 1919, cand m-am intors in New York, viata ma prinsese atat de tare in incalceala ei, incat nu-mi puteam permite nici sa visez la o perioada de pustnicie dulce in Washington Square.."
page
27
March 27, 2025
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7.69%
"Si, in fine, imi aduc aminte din acea perioada cum mergeam într-o după-amiază cu un taxi printre niște clădiri foarte înalte, sub un cer mov și trandafiriu. și am început să urlu, pentru că aveam tot ce îmi dorisem vreodată și știam că niciodată n-o să mai fiu atât de fericit.."
page
32
April 1, 2025
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8.41%
"In 1920 am socat un tanar om de afaceri in ascensiune cand i-am sugerat sa luam un cocteil dupa pranz. In 1929 gaseai alcool in jumatate dintre birourile firmelor din centrul orasului si o crasma clandestina in jumatate dintre cladirile mari."
page
35
April 12, 2025
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Finished Reading
