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f**k this book was a person attack on type a though daughter perfectionist gifted girls

“Don’t expect too much of yourself when you’re young. It’s better to be a late bloomer than an early one; so many young successes flame out and spend the rest of their lives lamenting what they used to have.��

the quiet truth no one mentions: stability can start to feel like stagnation

notes:
- meaningful impact rarely follows rigid scripts
- prioritise curiosity over convention
- we need to trust our capacity in order to reach new ones
- Schools, galleries, and similar spaces often prioritize fitting into predefined roles over honoring individual values. What happens when your core beliefs collide with what’s expected? How do you stay true to yourself when everything around you resists that truth?
- staying true to yourself often means reshaping systems rather than accepting their limits
- transparency about limitations can drive systemic improvements
- seeking support isn’t weakness. Progress often hinges on collaborative effort and admitting uncertainties.
- theme of refusal as preservation
- The act of refusal often forces a confrontation with identity. Who are we when we stop accommodating others�� expectations? What survives when we shed roles that no longer fit?
- Recovery often starts with small, deliberate steps �� reengaging with community, examining past choices, reframing challenges as skill-building opportunities

quotes:
- “The lesson is: resistance is just resistance. If you make a conscious decision not to pursue your idea, that’s one thing. But unless somebody says, “No, don’t do that,�� it’s not a no. And if you allow yourself to be dissuaded without actually hearing that no, then you may end up feeling like a victim and feeling resentful at work.��
- you almost need to see yourself as a freelancer, building skills and capabilities to take with you to the next job and the next job and the next job. That’s your toolkit, and you should be adding to it all the time, because you can’t rely on a company to take care of you and nurture you and bring
- “When you have a “growth mindset,�� you understand that mistakes and setbacks are an inevitable part of learning.��
- I think problems arise in particular for someone like me: because school had always come easily, the first twenty-two years of my life had been a string of successes, and I didn’t really know how to handle setbacks.��
- “Many, I think, never figure out how to handle the emptiness that comes when the rush of achievement fades away, or the loneliness—the sense of invisibility—when no one is there to hand out yet another ‘A.��
- “I found a description of my dream job at a firm called the Great Place to Work Institute, which consulted to companies trying to create better workplaces for their employees.��
- Don’t just ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- “People are comfortable with others who are open about their flaws, who don’t try to pretend to be more than they are. It’s easier to go through life being honest and owning up to your less-than qualities than faking it.��
- “If procrastination is a symptom of perfectionism, it’s also a protective strategy—you stop yourself before you can make a mistake. It’s not an effective strategy, but it’s a strategy nonetheless.��
- “When you are one of the only people from a particular cultural background—in a classroom, a workplace, or an entire field—any bias that you face is complicated by being female.��
- “Sometimes being comfortable in a place isn’t a good enough reason to stay there. It’s okay to take risks.
- There is no school, no therapy session, no amount of money that will earn you the wisdom and strength conferred by an epic-fail mistake
- I would encourage every young woman to find at least one beautifully mucky place in which you’re not the expert—and then to wade in.