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“If you want to be proud of yourself, then do things in which you can take pride”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“It is naturally a sign of inner liberation when a patient can squarely recognize his difficulties and take them with a grain of humor. But some patients at the beginning of analysis make incessant jokes about themselves, or exaggerate their difficulties in so dramatic a way that they will appear funny, while they are at the same time absurdly sensitive to any criticism. In these instances humor is used to take the sting out of an otherwise unbearable shame.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Pride and self-hate belong inseparably together; they are two expressions of one process.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Also the natural sexual functions of establishing an intimate human contact frequently assume greater proportions. This is a well known fact about detached people for whom sexuality may be the only bridge to others, but it is not restricted to being an obvious substitute for human closeness. It shows also in the haste with which people may rush into sexual relations, without giving themselves a chance to find out whether they have anything in common or a chance to develop a liking and understanding. It is possible of course that an emotional relatedness may evolve later on. But more often than not it does not do so because usually the initial rush itself is a sign of their being too inhibited to develop a good human relationship.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Patients coming for consultation complain about headaches, sexual disturbances, inhibitions in work, or other symptoms; as a rule, they do not complain about having lost touch with the core of their psychic existence.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Man, by his very nature and of his own accord, strives toward self-realization, and that his set of values evolves from such striving. Apparently he cannot, for example, develop his full human potentialities unless he is truthful to himself; unless he is active and productive; unless he relates himself to others in the spirit of mutuality. Apparently he cannot grow if he indulges in a "dark idolatry of self" and consistently attributes all his own shortcomings to the deficiencies of others. He can grow, in the true sense, only if he assumes responsibility for himself.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“The neurotic, as long as he must adhere to his illusions about himself, cannot recognize limitations, the search for glory goes into the unlimited. Because the main goal is the attainment of glory, he becomes uninterested in the process of learning, of doing, or of gaining step by step �� indeed, tends to scorn it. He does not want to climb a mountain; he wants to be on the peak. Hence he loses the sense of what evolution or growth means, even though he may talk about it. Because, finally, the creation of the idealized self is possible only at the expense of truth about himself, its actualization requires further distortions of truth, imagination being a willing servant to this end. Thereby, to a greater or lesser extent, he loses in the process his interest in truth, and the sense for what is true or not true �� a loss that, among others, accounts for his difficulty in distinguishing between genuine feelings, beliefs, strivings, and their artificial equivalents (unconscious pretenses) in himself and in others. The emphasis shifts from being to appearing.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Pride in many diverse ways is the enemy of love.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“The central inner conflict is one between the constructive forces of the real self and the obstructive forces of the pride system, between healthy growth and the drive to prove in actuality the perfection of the idealized self.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“For the analyst it is a source of never-ending astonishment how comparatively well a person can function with the core of himself not participating.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“The pride in intellect, or rather in the supremacy of the mind, is not restricted to those engaged in intellectual pursuits but is a regular occurrence in all neurosis.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Even though godlike in his imagination, he still lacks the earthy self-confidence of a simple shepherd.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“[Neurotic] pride is both so vulnerable and so precious that it also must be protected in the future. The neurotic may build an elaborate system of avoidances in the hope of circumventing future hurts. This too is a process that goes on automatically. He is not aware of wanting to avoid an activity because it might hurt his pride. He just avoids it, often without even being aware that he is. The process pertains to activities, to associations with people, and it may put a check on realistic strivings and efforts. If it is widespread it can actually cripple a person's life. He does not embark on any serious pursuits commensurate with his gifts lest he fail to be a brilliant success. He would like to write or to paint and does not dare to start. He does not dare to approach girls lest they reject him. [...] He withdraws from social contacts lest he be self-conscious. So, according to his economic status, he either does nothing worthwhile or sticks to a mediocre job and restricts his expenses rigidly. In more than one way he lives beneath his means. In the long run this makes it necessary for him to withdraw farther from others, because he cannot face the fact of lagging behind his age group and therefore shuns comparisons or questions from anybody about his work. In order to endure life he must now entrench himself more firmly in his private fantasy-world. But, since all these measures are more a camouflage than a remedy for his pride, he may start to cultivate his neuroses because the neurosis with a capital N then becomes a precious alibi for the lack of accomplishment.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“The declining of responsibility for the self can also be hidden behind a pseudo-objectivity. A patient may make astute observations about himself and give a fairly accurate report of what he dislikes in himself. On the surface it seems as though he is perceptive and honest about himself. But "he" may be merely the intelligent observer of a fellow who is inhibited, fearful, or arrogantly demanding. Hence, since he is not responsible for the fellow he observes, the hurt to his pride is cushioned—all the moreso because the flashlight of his pride is focused on his faculty for keen observations.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Whether we forget something we are not proud of, or embellish it, or blame somebody else, we want to save face by not owning up to shortcomings.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“You need not, and in fact cannot, teach an acorn to grow into an oak tree, but when given a chance, its intrinsic potentialities will develop. Similarly, the human individual, given a chance, tends to develop…the unique alive forces of his real self; the clarity and depth of his own feelings, thoughts, wishes, interests; the ability to tap his own resources, the strength of his will power…All this will in time enable him to find his set of values and aims in life. In short, he will grow, substantially undiverted, toward self-realization.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Others are responsible for the trouble I am in—so I am entitled to repair. And what kind of repair would it be, if I made all the effort! Naturally, only a person who has lost constructive interest in his life can argue that way. It is no longer up to him to do something about his life; it is up to “them,�� or to fate.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The struggle toward self-realization

“The fact that compulsive drives for success will arise only in a competitive culture does not make them any less neurotic.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“The tenacity with which the neurotic adheres to any attitude is a sure indication that the attitude fulfills functions which seem indispensable in the framework of his neurosis.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Gurur hem öylesine incinebilir, hem de öylesine değerlidir ki gelecekte de korunması gerekmektedir. Nevrotik kişi gelecekte incinebileceği durumları savuşturabilme umuduyla, inceden inceye işlenmiş bir kaçınmalar sistemi inşa edebilir. Bu da otomatik olarak süren bir süreçtir. Hasta bir etkinlikten gururunu incitebileceği düşüncesiyle kaçınmak istediğinin farkında değildir. Sadece kaçınıverir etkinlikten, hatta sıklıkla kaçındığının bile farkında olmaz. Süreç etkinliklerle ve insanlarla kurulan ilişkilerle ilgilidir ve gerçekçi çabaları ve gayretleri denetler. Yaygınsa, insanın yaşamını felce uğratır. Kişi parlak bir başarı elde edemeyecek diye yeteneklerine uygun herhangi bir ciddi uğraşa başlayamaz. Yazmak ya da resim yapmak ister ama işe koyulmayı göze almaz. Onu reddedecekler diye kızlarla tanışmayı göze almaz.
Hatta oteldeki yöneticilerle ya da hamallarla doğru dürüst konuşamayacak diye seyahat etmeyi bile göze alamaz. Ya da yabancılarla birlikte olduğunda önemsiz biri gibi hissedeceği için yalnızca herkesin onu tanıdığı yerlere gidebilir. Sıkılgan hale geleceği için toplumsal
ilişkilerden uzaklaşır. Böylece, gelir düzeyine göre ya dişe dokunur bir şey yapmaz ya da vasat bir işe bağlı kalır ve harcamalarını katı bir
bicimde sınırlandırır. Birçok açıdan elindekilerinin ona yaşatacağının
daha altında bir yaşam sürdürür. Uzun vadede bu durum onun başkalarından giderek daha da uzaklaşmasını gerektirecektir, çünkü kendi
yaş gurubunun gerisinde kalmasıyla da yüzleşemeyecektir ve dolayısıyla başkalarının işiyle ilgili karşılaştırma yapmasından ya da sorular sormasından çekinecektir. Yaşama katlanabilmek için artık kendini özel hayal dünyasında daha sağlam bir biçimde emniyete alması gerekmektedir. Ancak, bütün bu önlemler gururunun incinmesini gidermekten çok onu maskeledikleri için nevrozunu geliştirmeye başlayabilir, çünkü büyük N ile başlayan nevroz başarı örneğinden yoksunluğunun değerli bir mazeretine dönüşür.
Bunlar aşırı gelişmelerdir ve tabii ki, gurur temel etkenlerden biri olmasına karşın, bunlarda işleyen tek etken değildir. Çoğu zaman kaçınmalar belli alanlarla sınırlanır. Kişi en az kısıtlandığı ve hizmetinde olan alanlarda oldukça etkin ve etkili olabilir.

Örneğin kendi alanında çok çalışıp başarılı olabilir, ancak toplumsal hayattan çekinir. Öte yandan toplumsal etkinliklerde veya Don Juan rolünde kendini güvende hissedebilir, ancak potansiyel kabiliyetlerinin sınanmasına neden olacak herhangi ciddi bir işe kalkışmayı göze almaz.
Organizasyonda başı çeken biri olarak rolünde kendini güvende hissedebilir, ancak herhangi bir kişisel ilişkiden kaçınır, çünkü bu tür ilişkilerde incinebileceğine inanır. Başkalarıyla duygusal ilişkiler kurmakla ilgili birçok korkunun arasında (nevrotik kopukluk) gurura yönelik hasarlardan duyulan korku sıklıkla belirgin bir rol oynamaktadır.
Ayrıca pek çok nedenden ötürü kişi, özellikle karşı cinsten biriyle ilişkisinde göz alıcı bir biçimde başarılı olmamaktan korkabilir. Bilinçdışı
bir biçimde, geleceğe yönelik olarak -hasta erkekse- kadınlarla tanışırken ya da onlarla cinsel ilişki kurarken gururunun incineceğine inanır. Dolayısıyla kadınlar ona (gururuna) potansiyel bir tehdit gibi gelebilir. Bu korku hastanın onlara duyduğu beğeni duygularına gölge düşürecek hatta bunları ezecek ve dolayısıyla onun heteroseksüel ilişkilerden kaçınmasına neden olacak denli güçlüdür. .....Gurur çok çeşitli yollardan sevginin düşmanıdır."
Sy124”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Чем меньше чувства неловкости, чем меньше робости, чем меньше попыток угодить ожиданиям окружающих, чем меньше потребность быть правым или совершенным, тем ярче выражаются какие бы то ни было дарования человека.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Мы не можем вырасти в безвоздушном пространстве, без близости и трений с другими человеческими существами.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“как показывает множество примеров, ни смирение не имеет ничего общего с женственностью, ни агрессивность с мужественностью. И то и другое �� исключительно невротические феномены.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Under favorable conditions, man's energies are put into the realization of his potential...Under inner stress, however, a person may become alienated from his real self. He will then shift the major part of his energies to the task of molding himself, by a rigid system of inner dictates, into a being of absolute perfection.”
― karen horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Если говорить о предстоящей работе в позитивном смысле, то она касается всего, что входит в самоосуществление. По отношению к самому себе она означает стремление более ясно и глубоко испытывать свои чувства, желания, убеждения; найти доступ к своим ресурсам и использовать их конструктивно; яснее воспринимать направление своей жизни, с ответственностью за себя и свои решения. По отношению к другим �� это стремление общаться с ними в соответствии со своими истинными чувствами; уважать в них отдельную личность со своими правами и особенностями; взаимодействовать с ними, а не использовать их как средство достижения своих целей. По отношению к работе это означает, что сама работа становится важнее, чем удовлетворение гордости или тщеславия, а цель ее теперь �� открыть и развить то, чем ты одарен, и стать более продуктивным.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Поэтому почти невозможно для него принять на себя единственную имеющую значение ответственность. А это, по сути, не больше, но и не меньше, чем обычная, простая честность в ответах самому себе о себе и о своей жизни. У этой честности три дела: прямое признание себя таким, какой ты есть, без преуменьшений или преувеличений; готовность отвечать за последствия своих действий, решений и т.п., не пытаясь "вывернуться" или свалить вину на других; осознание, что решение твоих проблем зависит от тебя, а не другие люди, судьба или время должны их за тебя решать.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Злокачественность невротической гордости состоит в сочетании ее жизненной важности для человека с тем, что она делает его чрезвычайно уязвимым. Эта ситуация создает напряжение, которое из-за его силы и постоянства столь невыносимо, что от него ищут избавления, автоматически пытаясь залечить гордость от полученной раны или избегая того, что ей угрожает.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Сила подлинного я человека и есть глубинный источник его роста”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Большая часть невротических нарушений сопротивляется даже самым неистовым попыткам контроля. Сознательные усилия просто бесполезны при депрессии, при глубоко внедрившихся затруднениях в работе и при постоянных, засасывающих мечтах �� снах наяву.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization

“Теряя невротическую одержимость собой, мы обретаем свободу роста, освобождаемся для любви и заботы о других людях. Мы хотим обеспечить им возможность для нестесненного роста, пока они молоды, и помочь им любым возможным путем найти и осуществить себя, когда они блокированы в своем развитии. Идеалом применительно к себе или к другому становится освобождение и культивация сил, ведущих к самоосуществлению.”
― Karen Horney, Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization