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“If a child stays quiet in the context of extroverted friends, or even prefers time alone, a parent may worry and even send her to therapy. She might be thrilledâ€� she’ll finally get to talk about the stuff she cares about, and without interruption! But if the therapist concludes that the child has a social phobia, the treatment of choice is to increasingly expose her to the situations she fears. This behavioral treatment is effective for treating phobias â€� if that is truly the problem. If it’s not the problem, and the child just likes hanging out inside better than chatting, she’ll have a problem soon. Her “illnessâ€� now will be an internalized self-reproach: “Why don’t I enjoy this like everyone else?â€� The otherwise carefree child learns that something is wrong with her. She not only is pulled away from her home, she is supposed to like it. Now she is anxious and unhappy, confirming the suspicion that she has a problem.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Online friends networks and dating sites, like the coffeehouse, are responding to the needs of introverts. We can write, not talk. We can get to the good stuff, and we can press delete as needed.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“For introverts, who have limited energy for interaction, we need to be more thoughtful and deliberate about whom we meet—which, happily, is what we do best.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“For an introvert, interacting in a group setting does mean missing out. Where there is too much input, the introvert misses his mind, his subjectivity, his freedom, his very potential. The high-stimulus social environment, the “where it’s at on a Friday night,â€� this apparent “more,â€� becomes a prison to the introvert. He can’t wait to be free—to get out and away from the noise, the talk, the interference with his inner process.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“How do we maintain integrity as introverts, and at the same time allow our natural extroverted tendencies to emerge?

The answer: organically. We mosh best when we feel like moshing. The T’ai Chi symbol illustrates that introversion (yin) flows into extroversion (yang) and extroversion flows into introversion. Each specialty houses the nucleus of the other. When the introvert is safe, she can extrovert. When the extrovert is safe, he can introvert.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Though some of us like to get on stage, many introverts are content to put on their invisibility cloaks and watch. But well-meaning extroverts will have none of that! They need to draw us out, invite us to participate—repeatedly—and question why we are so depressed as to not want to join.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“We have an assumption here in America that the kind thing to do is to be “friendly,â€� which means being extroverted, even intrusive. The Japanese assume the opposite: being kind means holding back.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“The Socially Accessible introvert looks like an extrovert on the outside and sees extroversion as a bar that he or she can never quite reach. These individuals are often very successful in social arenas, but fault themselves for not having more fun.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“For introverts, the best associations start with ideas. If you don’t feel a part of your neighborhood association or the happy hour regulars after work, don’t force it. The community that surrounds you may not be your community.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“For the introvert, as for the flâneur, observing is not a fallback position—something we do because we can’t participate. We watch because we want to. There is something wonderfully grounding about remaining still as others mull about—or mulling about while others remain still. Against the backdrop of the scene, the introvert feels more like an “I.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“the extrovert assumption is so woven into the fabric of our culture that an employee may suffer reprimands for keeping his door closed (that is, if he is one of the lucky ones who has a door), for not lunching with other staff members, or for missing the weekend golf game or any number of supposedly morale-boosting celebrations. Half. More than half of us don’t want to play. We don’t see the point. For us, an office potluck will not provide satisfying human contact—we’d much rather meet a friend for an intimate conversation (even if that friend is a coworker). For us, the gathering will not boost morale â€� and will probably leave us resentful that we stayed an extra hour to eat stale cookies and make small talk. For us, talking with coworkers does not benefit our work—it sidetracks us.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“It would be wise to be concerned about the introvert who is deprived of solitude. Is she neglecting herself due to depression? Is she falling victim to guilt and self-reproach? Does she feel cut off from pleasure? Does she feel dead?”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Think of a group of Extrovert Moms gathered together at a Little League game, excitedly chatting and enjoying the action. In comes Introvert Mom who, after a full day of work, wants nothing more than to savor the game—all by herself. She sits off a bit from everyone else, stretching her feet onto the bleacher bench, and may even have a book to indulge in as the team warms up. She might enjoy watching the people around her, but she has no energy to interact. What are the Extrovert Moms thinking? Because they are oriented to people, they will likely assume that Introvert Mom is, too—which means they see Introvert Mom as not liking people (what we know now as asocial) or being a “snob,â€� thinking she’s too good for the Extrovert Moms. More likely, Introvert Mom is not thinking about them at all! She is just doing something she likes to do.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“To express want is to own the desire, to stand in your own reality. The easier alternative is the language of impairment: “I can’t come because I’m run down, overworked, under the gun, tired, sick, or not up to it.â€� The underlying message is, “I cannot attend because I am impaired,â€� rather than the more honest and self-respecting response: “I choose to not attend because I prefer the other option.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Where else but cyberspace does the introvert have the opportunity to start in our comfort zone of written communication and talk later?”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Our challenge as introverts is to adopt the attitude, based on the introversion assumption, that your need to retreat requires no explanation—it is self-evident.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Although most introverts seek time alone as an alternative to people and competition, solitude is a power source for the introvert. And for someone wanting to exert control, solitude is indeed threatening. Many sales schemes rely on “today onlyâ€� impulse purchases because “sleeping on itâ€� will help you realize that you don’t need the product. Cults gain their power by depriving members of any time alone. Clients in my office comment on what a difference it makes to have time to think, and value psychotherapy for its attention to inner processes.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Introvert integrity means going the distance for what we love: moving from apology to acceptance, from acceptance to acknowledgement, and from acknowledgment to activism.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“I heard, for the first timeâ€� nothing. I danced and did somersaults, lay down in a bed of grass, felt the breeze.

And for the first time, I heard my heart, and I knew who I was.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“...if your friend knows you at all, she is being rude by pressuring you to do something that is bad for you. Yes, bad for you. Engaging in a painful activity that leaves you feeling crummy about yourself is self-destructive. But your friend is probably not a jerk—you wouldn’t have chosen her for a friend if she were. She’s just following the social rules. And you may be following them too.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“I’m not so sure that live is always better. It is part of the extrovert assumption to value interaction over inner action. Most introverts savor live time with a close friend, because they know there will be plenty of inner action for both of them. But much of what we call “socialâ€� in America allows for very little inner action. Emailing a friend or posting a blog entry will probably feel much richer, and help us feel much closer, than being up close and impersonal.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Most of us have had the experience of creating beauty, whether by cleaning a room, planting a bed of flowers or hanging a painting. Our first impulse is to say, “Come and see! Look what I did!â€� Though it may be a long time since mom or dad came to see, we still have the need to share—to be seen, acknowledged, appreciated. But it’s more than approval we seek; we want to extend the joy. We want someone to help us make it more real, to linger with us in the warmth.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“...according to the prevailing extroversion assumption, inviting you is a nice gesture, and pressuring you is a compliment—an indication that you are wanted. How many times have you equivocated on or even declined an invitation, only to be asked again—and again?”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“I talk with many Shadow Dwellers who are mystified by the fact that chatty workers are rarely reprimanded. Sit and gossip and you are fun; close the door (if you have one) and you are antisocial.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“...efforts to make work fun only annoy most of us, especially the introvert.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“I’m one of those introverts with well-honed social skills, and I have even danced on the occasional table, but I have felt sheer panic when my exhaustion precedes my exit. It’s like the Cinderella story with a twist: I want to get out of there and into my duds before midnight—or ten, or eight.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Similarly, a Solo Date is an outing with yourself to satisfy some of your introvert cravings. And it is a delicious treat.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“One of the teens I worked with told me about how she loves to take tests, because it is quiet and everyone is occupying their own space.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Because extroversion lines up so well with American values, we introverts often deprive ourselves of what we most enjoy and thrive on. So, for all of you who draw energy from inside, behind, underneath, or away from it all, welcome home.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

“Regardless of how dead we feel in a crowd, we cling to the uniquely American assumption that associating is good and necessary and solitude is suspect.”
― Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength