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“My quietness is a consequence of my deeply entrenched nihilism. I don’t believe there is any real value in my or anyone else’s speaking, and I think that all of human existence is fundamentally unimportant.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“The bus I am riding on must be on its way to a garbage convention. Never before has a more rancid assemblage of people congregated. I am at this moment privy to a momentous moment in the history of human smell. My name will probably be memorized by future students, preparing to answer this frequently asked exam question: Who demonstrated a supernatural ability to remain conscious on the most disgusting vehicle to ever disturb our debauched world?”
― Emily Austin, Oh Honey

“I have to share a room. I am expected to sleep mere meters from a woman whose mental ailment is unknown to me. For all I know she might be a cannibal.”
― Emily Austin, Oh Honey

“Her teeth and lips are tinted purple from the Kool-Aid. Mine are probably purple too, but I can’t see them. You can’t see your own face from within it. This is something I have always struggled with”
― Emily Austin, Oh Honey

“As it turns out, my acceptance of the heroin addict’s invitation to party may have been a case of poor judgement.”
― emily austin, Oh Honey

“I asked a nurse for dental floss and was told that I am not allowed dental floss. Apparently dental floss can be used for several functions besides the maintenance of healthy gums. These apparently include self-harm. When instructed that I was not permitted dental floss because of “risks it raises associated with suicideâ€� I envisioned a noose made entirely of floss. Realizing such a noose would require a dramatic amount of floss to effectively uphold any human person, I brought it to the attention of a nurse.

“I don’t believe that even the most practiced engineers could fashion any functioning noose out of a single container of floss,� I say.

“People use it to cut themselves,� she explained.

“Oh,� I replied.

I had just about come to terms with the no-floss rule until the hospital, in a flagrant display of disrespect for its patients, chose to serve us corn on the cob for lunch.

“Are you aware that we are not allowed dental floss?â€� I yelled at the nurse bringing me the corn. I then threw the corn violently from my plate into the nearest wall.”
― Emily Austin, Oh Honey

“She is deluded enough to assume that I could feel romantically for a person with a badly drawn dog tattooed to their arm.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“You can’t expect people to keep their elbows off the table if they have only ever eaten off the floor.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“He blathers on until all language ceases to have meaning and my ears involuntarily begin to deafen themselves and melt into my skull.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“I feel abnormally aware of the air in my lungs and of the blood in my body. Brian’s breath is loud and reminds me that he is a person and that he is alive and so am I. I put his hand on my throat to stop my breath and try to subdue this feeling of being a person who breathes and takes up space and fucks people, but he won’t keep his hand there. He moves it to my waist and kisses my forehead.

I feel a cold rush down my body and suddenly I’m panicked. I wonder if Brian has ever been with a girl who loved him before. I wonder if there is a person out in the world who would feel sick at the thought of him being naked with me. I cannot shake this thought. I become sure of it. I suddenly feel a sickening, overwhelming guilt. I have to close my eyes to stop from crying at the thought of the girl I have imagined.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“This fear elicited a rush of endorphins that exhilarated me and made playing in the yard a lot more exciting. It was clear even then that I would make a promising drug addict.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey

“Ivy, listen, I am in the middle of being murdered by an axe-wielding lunatic. I am afraid I will have to let you go.”
― Emily R. Austin, Oh Honey