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“Showing up is the act of bearing witness to people’s joy, pain, and true selves; validating their experiences; easing their load; and communicating that they are not alone in this life.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“you’ll be able to do a lot (if not all!) of the things that truly nourish you once you start giving less attention to the activities and people you don’t actually care about.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“When I say acceptance, I mean bearing witness to what is true about yourself and your life—even the messy, painful, embarrassing parts—so you can respond to that reality. Acceptance is about being brave enough to look at who you are and not turning away or immediately looking for a fix when you don’t like what you see. It’s not about settling; after all, you may still want to make significant changes that will ultimately make your life better. It’s about grace—offering yourself compassion and mercy, even if you’re not totally convinced you deserve it.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Noticing isn’t about obsessively reading into every little thing someone does; it’s about learning to really see people—their values, behaviors, preferences, emotions, needs, boundaries, experiences—and being able to recall what you saw.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“As I look back on today, what did I do that was actually worth my time?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Showing up is what turns the people you know into your people. It’s at the core of creating and maintaining strong, meaningful bonds with friends, family, coworkers, and internet pals. Showing up is the act of bearing witness to people’s joy, pain, and true selves; validating their experiences; easing their load; and communicating that they are not alone in this life.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“When you are firmly rooted, you can fully stand up for others.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Answer a single question, in writing, each night before bed: ‘As I look back on today, what did I do that was actually worth my time?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Be grateful for the good things this friendship brought into your life, accept things as they are (instead of what you wish they could be), let go of your guilt, and put your precious time and energy into someone or something that makes you feel as good as that friend once did.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“At the root of snobbery is a lack of imagination and confidence about how to decide who in the world is valuable.â€�27”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“that moment, I realized that things are good until they are not, and they are bad until they are not. So often, the bad times happen without any sort of warning. But I found it comforting to remember that the good periods also tend to happen without warning.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“social media apps allow us “to maintain relationships that would otherwise decay.â€�10 While most of us tend to think of this as a good thing, it’s actually not. Some of these relationships actually should decay—that’s necessary for us to have the time and space to establish and nurture new ones.”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Do you consider yourself a chill person? How important is it to you to be seen as “chillâ€�? Do you prefer to always have a plan? And do you like to be the person who makes said plan, or would you rather someone else do it? What kinds of rules do you care about or respect the most? What kinds of rules do you shamelessly flout? How do you respond to other people’s expectations? What are three things that really stress you out? How do you respond to stress in general? What are your preferred methods of communication? (Note: This can be different depending on who you’re talking to, but try to figure out your ideal.) What does your ideal friend hangout look like? What does your ideal average evening with a romantic partner look like?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“What is your preferred mode of transportation? How do you define a “crowdâ€�? Think of a situation in your life where the crowd level felt good and right. What about an instance when a crowd felt stressful or scary? What’s your comfort level with sounds/noises? For example, are you comfortable in a space with loud music playing? Is there a type of noise or sound that you just can’t stand? What, if anything, is likely to make you feel physically unwell? What everyday activities do you prefer to do IRL? Which do you prefer to do virtually or through an app? How comfortable are you with technology? What technology do you rely on? What do you wish you relied on less? Feelings, Emotions, and Relating to Others Do you enjoy chatting with strangers and/or new people? Do you like physical touch? Are you a hugger? How comfortable are you talking about feelings (your own and other people’s)? What topics do you consider too private to discuss with casual friends? What about close friends? How modest would you say you are? Do you consider yourself a serious person? What kinds of jokes/humor/pranks do you like? What kinds piss you off? How sentimental are you? What holidays, anniversaries, or events do you care about the most? How comfortable are you with uncertainty?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“When do you feel most creative? When do you feel most social? When do you most want to be alone? Are you spontaneous or do you like to make plans far in advance? What are (at least) three things that energize you? What are (at least) three things that exhaust you? What are three everyday-ish activities or parts of daily your routine that you just love and feel good about? What is your ideal evening activity/nightly routine if you hope to get a good night’s sleep? What are three everyday-ish activities that you hate doing or dread? When you’re going about your day, do you like having background noise? What kind? What activities do you like doing alone? What activities do you prefer to do with other people? How much does your physical appearance matter to you? What effect does your appearance have on your mood? When do you feel most attractive? Least attractive? Your Environment Do you prefer being indoors or outdoors? When do you crave being outside? What makes you want to be inside more? How much does tidiness matter to you? What about cleanliness? Does the answer change if you’re talking about home versus work versus public spaces versus other people’s spaces?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Everyday Life How much do routines matter to you? Do you prefer familiarity or trying lots of new things? Are you a morning person or a night person? When during the day do you feel mentally sharp?”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“When you have a clear sense of what specifically makes you feel good (or bad), you can improve your self-awareness, recognize your true needs, set boundaries, and effectively respond to problems (big and small).”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“So, what does knowing yourself even mean? Being able to name the main qualities that make you you Having a clear sense of your core values and your priorities Knowing what you like and don’t like Identifying what makes you feel comfortable and uncomfortable Acknowledging what you are willing and unwilling to do Being aware of how you’re likely to react (or are reacting) in a given situation”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

“Find Yourself a Therapist As my colleague Anna Borges has written,13 instead of asking, “Do I need therapy?â€� a better question is “How might I benefit from therapy?â€� Therapy isn’t just for people dealing with trauma or serious mental health issues; you can also talk to a therapist about dating woes, setting boundaries with friends, tension with your parents or siblings, job stress, low-level anxiety or sadness, and pretty much anything else that’s a source of difficulty in your life. And just because you go to therapy once, you aren’t locked into going forever; it can absolutely be a shorter-term deal. If you care about being emotionally intelligent, feeling your best, and having good relationships, therapy can be a great addition to your showing-up routine. Food”
― Rachel Wilkerson Miller, The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People