Ask the Author: Rupert Dreyfus
Answered Questions (22)
Rupert Dreyfus
I'd visit Airstrip One because I imagine it to be a holiday camp compared to today's Britain. Cunts.
Rupert Dreyfus
I'd prefer to get butt-fucked by an angry bear. But that's just me.
Rupert Dreyfus
None from Amazon, although I am taking a trip to *the* Amazon where I intend to drop some ayahuasca and then purchase some books made from clouds from a hologram called DR⊔GS∀Rℇϻγ╒RᏆℇND.
Care to join me?
Care to join me?
Rupert Dreyfus
I like all types of wallpaper actually. The floral stuff works best with minimal living room furniture, stripey is better in bedrooms and plain, sort of off-white wallpaper is good for kitchens providing that you regular wipe it down after using cooking facilities. But I'm not really the person to ask about this although it's nice to be thought of.
Good luck with the decorating and be sure to send me some photos of the end result.
Good luck with the decorating and be sure to send me some photos of the end result.
Rupert Dreyfus
Sure, Arthur. I've had my eye on the bestsellers' list for some time now and reckon I've got a good one brewing. It's about a child wizard called Barry Shotter. He attends Arsewarts College where he learns how to be an annoying cunt as well as how to cast magic spells. There's a sub-plot where we learn that his mum is a dominatrix who has an impressive collection of STDs. This is purely so I can write some raunchy cut scenes where the mum gets it on with some clients (I'm hoping it will make nipple clamps and cock torture acceptable again now that everyone has forgotten about Fifty Shadez).
Just as everything is heating up and Barry is about to ask the girl of his dreams to marry him illegally, a zombie outbreak happens. Barry spends the rest of the book using his magic abilities to shoot up zombies while trying to rescue his mum who is locked in her own sex dungeon, fighting off her clients who have all turned into zombies and are staggering around with these rotten erections, trying to prod her with them.
I think there'll also be a good one hundred pages where there's a girl on a train. She's just on a train, reading a magazine, occasionally looking out of the window to see if she's approaching her stop. This will purely be so I can call the book 'Girl on a Train' which should at least get enough people confusing it with 'Girl on the Train'.
I'm writing it for you now actually. Will send the first draft over soon...
Just as everything is heating up and Barry is about to ask the girl of his dreams to marry him illegally, a zombie outbreak happens. Barry spends the rest of the book using his magic abilities to shoot up zombies while trying to rescue his mum who is locked in her own sex dungeon, fighting off her clients who have all turned into zombies and are staggering around with these rotten erections, trying to prod her with them.
I think there'll also be a good one hundred pages where there's a girl on a train. She's just on a train, reading a magazine, occasionally looking out of the window to see if she's approaching her stop. This will purely be so I can call the book 'Girl on a Train' which should at least get enough people confusing it with 'Girl on the Train'.
I'm writing it for you now actually. Will send the first draft over soon...
Rupert Dreyfus
Nora Kardashian and Fred West, because they look good together in a his and hers set of adult nappies.
Rupert Dreyfus
I've identified 3 questions that you've asked.
Question 1: is there a limit to improving vocabulary/ storytelling skills?
Answer: When you're the Scrabble world champion, you may have reached the limit of improving vocabulary skills. Until then, keep reading dictionaries. However, there is no limit to improving storytelling skills; the possibilities for storytelling are endless and we have to challenge ourselves to come up with new ways to tell stories as to set ourselves apart.
Question 2: are there better writerr than Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, Bret Easton Ellis who will help me to improve my writing skills?
Answer: Those authors are fantastic in so many different ways and you'll learn lots from them. I can only encourage you to keep branching out. But you're young and reading takes time. So just keep exploring.
Question 3: is there scope to improve even if you've written a lot?
Answer: I think there is always scope to improve whether you've written a lot or very little. Improvement is an ongoing development without us even realising it. Just keep having experiences, keep reading, keep writing and keep having fun.
Question 1: is there a limit to improving vocabulary/ storytelling skills?
Answer: When you're the Scrabble world champion, you may have reached the limit of improving vocabulary skills. Until then, keep reading dictionaries. However, there is no limit to improving storytelling skills; the possibilities for storytelling are endless and we have to challenge ourselves to come up with new ways to tell stories as to set ourselves apart.
Question 2: are there better writerr than Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, Bret Easton Ellis who will help me to improve my writing skills?
Answer: Those authors are fantastic in so many different ways and you'll learn lots from them. I can only encourage you to keep branching out. But you're young and reading takes time. So just keep exploring.
Question 3: is there scope to improve even if you've written a lot?
Answer: I think there is always scope to improve whether you've written a lot or very little. Improvement is an ongoing development without us even realising it. Just keep having experiences, keep reading, keep writing and keep having fun.
Rupert Dreyfus
In my view every aspiring writer should be a reader, writer second. Some of the invaluable benefits of reading are how it will improve your vocabulary, grammar and structure. However, the most important is teaching you the many possibilities of being creative when telling stories. Many writers believe in rules; learn them and then break them.
As for recommendation: as we know, reading is subjective so apologies if you don't enjoy anything by Kafka, Orwell, William Burroughs and Irvine Welsh.
As for recommendation: as we know, reading is subjective so apologies if you don't enjoy anything by Kafka, Orwell, William Burroughs and Irvine Welsh.
Rupert Dreyfus
Hi mate.
If you're writing satire and dark comedy then a good tip is to look at the present moment in time and try to capture it through your storytelling. There's a lot going on across the world right now; many would say seismic shifts are taking place. Many established satirists are beginning to feel fazed by it all because life seems to be imitating the more absurd satire. I agree with them to some extent, but I also think this is an exciting time for young satirists like yourself to bring a much needed fresh angle to satire and dark comedy; particularly now we have the freedom granted to us through the internet.
Also, society communicates very differently to how it did ten, fifteen years ago. As a young pup who is growing up with the internet, you can look to incorporate this change in your stories simply by writing about what you see.
Lastly... at 14 you should relax a bit and give yourself some time to develop your style. You're way ahead of your peers. So meanwhile just keep reading as much dark comedy and satire as you can, but also read a wide-range of stuff and soak it all up.
As for my favourite books: Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh has to be up there. I've been meaning to reread it and write a review for about a year now. Hopefully that'll happen in 2017.
Finally; good luck with your future endeavours!
If you're writing satire and dark comedy then a good tip is to look at the present moment in time and try to capture it through your storytelling. There's a lot going on across the world right now; many would say seismic shifts are taking place. Many established satirists are beginning to feel fazed by it all because life seems to be imitating the more absurd satire. I agree with them to some extent, but I also think this is an exciting time for young satirists like yourself to bring a much needed fresh angle to satire and dark comedy; particularly now we have the freedom granted to us through the internet.
Also, society communicates very differently to how it did ten, fifteen years ago. As a young pup who is growing up with the internet, you can look to incorporate this change in your stories simply by writing about what you see.
Lastly... at 14 you should relax a bit and give yourself some time to develop your style. You're way ahead of your peers. So meanwhile just keep reading as much dark comedy and satire as you can, but also read a wide-range of stuff and soak it all up.
As for my favourite books: Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh has to be up there. I've been meaning to reread it and write a review for about a year now. Hopefully that'll happen in 2017.
Finally; good luck with your future endeavours!
Rupert Dreyfus
If it is televised, nobody will be watching. Myself included. I'll be crowd surfing along the massive waves of protests, sticking up my middle finger at Westminster.
Rupert Dreyfus
It's all relative, I suppose. Compared to people like your good self, I'm struggling to be less than average. Hopefully if I keep studying the Tao Te Ching then I'll come to realise that greatness is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
"Even in the end, it [the great Tao] does not regard itself as great
That is how it can achieve its greatness."
"Even in the end, it [the great Tao] does not regard itself as great
That is how it can achieve its greatness."
Rupert Dreyfus
Hi Gary, that's good to know and thanks for joining the group. I have just created a section for this sort of thing; 'commercial author services'. Feel free to promote yourself in there.
Rupert Dreyfus
Hi Kevin
From what I know my brother's escaped the latest storm but another one is on its way which I think is set to hit Cumbria and Scotland the worst so there could be even more problems.
Hope you don't mind me going off on a tangent, but the situation is quite alarming to be honest. The Lake District is a very green place so it has a lot of rain in the course of a year. According to the Met Office (which is our national weather service) it is more than the national average. However, I've never known the storms to be this relentless. In fact there's been an observable change since around 2010 and that's before we look at any real data on the subject which will show spikes of extreme weather events in the UK way, way, way before 2010. I was reading an article only the other day and even a police sergeant was saying that we should now be thinking and talking about climate change.
Problem is we've got the wrong government in to be doing anything about it. To David Cameron it's just that 'green crap' his party has to find ways of side-stepping. So I'm expecting things to get worse in the UK from here on out - particularly in the north because we receive far less funding than the beloved south.
Sorry for the tangent. But yeah; my brother and his property is presently fine.
From what I know my brother's escaped the latest storm but another one is on its way which I think is set to hit Cumbria and Scotland the worst so there could be even more problems.
Hope you don't mind me going off on a tangent, but the situation is quite alarming to be honest. The Lake District is a very green place so it has a lot of rain in the course of a year. According to the Met Office (which is our national weather service) it is more than the national average. However, I've never known the storms to be this relentless. In fact there's been an observable change since around 2010 and that's before we look at any real data on the subject which will show spikes of extreme weather events in the UK way, way, way before 2010. I was reading an article only the other day and even a police sergeant was saying that we should now be thinking and talking about climate change.
Problem is we've got the wrong government in to be doing anything about it. To David Cameron it's just that 'green crap' his party has to find ways of side-stepping. So I'm expecting things to get worse in the UK from here on out - particularly in the north because we receive far less funding than the beloved south.
Sorry for the tangent. But yeah; my brother and his property is presently fine.
Rupert Dreyfus
YouTuber realises his life is a car crash.
I hope this is enough to lose your contest because I can't think of anything worse than meeting the Fingered Twins.
As for your question: perhaps controversially I prefer tea. I have spent years refining my tea drinking habits: in a nutshell I believe that the best way to drink tea is by using a teapot and loose tea and all other methods are inferior. I've tried using tea sacks, tea balls and using regular teabags and nothings beats tea from a teapot. I don't mind filtered coffee every so often, though...
Interesting Dreyfus fact: Jake Miller in Spark is actually based on me. The only real difference is that I'm pretty shit on computers and I decided that Jake prefers coffee. Other than these two superficial differences Jake Miller is basically me.
I hope this is enough to lose your contest because I can't think of anything worse than meeting the Fingered Twins.
As for your question: perhaps controversially I prefer tea. I have spent years refining my tea drinking habits: in a nutshell I believe that the best way to drink tea is by using a teapot and loose tea and all other methods are inferior. I've tried using tea sacks, tea balls and using regular teabags and nothings beats tea from a teapot. I don't mind filtered coffee every so often, though...
Interesting Dreyfus fact: Jake Miller in Spark is actually based on me. The only real difference is that I'm pretty shit on computers and I decided that Jake prefers coffee. Other than these two superficial differences Jake Miller is basically me.
Rupert Dreyfus
Hi Jason.
If I had to come up with a patch to improve one area of my life for 2016 then it would focus on the whole marketing thing. I'm crap at it so a patch would be welcomed. Then I could focus on writing some new stories rather than wasting my time trying to figure out how to locate more readers who are in to what I'm about.
What would I tell myself to do differently? Hard to say. Looking back I don't have any major regrets for 2015 (yet!). At a push I think I'd probably tell myself to relax more. Just because people aren't reading my stories now, doesn't mean they won't be reading them in the future...
Cheers and all the best for 2016!
If I had to come up with a patch to improve one area of my life for 2016 then it would focus on the whole marketing thing. I'm crap at it so a patch would be welcomed. Then I could focus on writing some new stories rather than wasting my time trying to figure out how to locate more readers who are in to what I'm about.
What would I tell myself to do differently? Hard to say. Looking back I don't have any major regrets for 2015 (yet!). At a push I think I'd probably tell myself to relax more. Just because people aren't reading my stories now, doesn't mean they won't be reading them in the future...
Cheers and all the best for 2016!
Rupert Dreyfus
Hi Kevin,
I answered this in the wrong place and have only just realised so apologies for the delay. I wondered why there was a character restriction...
I haven't personally been affected by the floods. However, my brother lives right next to the River Lune which is the main river running through the city of Lancaster. I found out that on Saturday the flood defences had burst and his living room became submerged. He and his girlfriend had to shift their possessions upstairs although they did lose quite a bit of stuff as they have a basement which they make use of. Apparently at one point they thought they were getting trapped in their home and were contemplating going out onto the roof to get help. I don't know more than that at the moment other than they're okay now - except for the water damage. I haven't spoken to him yet, but I'll be contacting him soon.
I answered this in the wrong place and have only just realised so apologies for the delay. I wondered why there was a character restriction...
I haven't personally been affected by the floods. However, my brother lives right next to the River Lune which is the main river running through the city of Lancaster. I found out that on Saturday the flood defences had burst and his living room became submerged. He and his girlfriend had to shift their possessions upstairs although they did lose quite a bit of stuff as they have a basement which they make use of. Apparently at one point they thought they were getting trapped in their home and were contemplating going out onto the roof to get help. I don't know more than that at the moment other than they're okay now - except for the water damage. I haven't spoken to him yet, but I'll be contacting him soon.
Rupert Dreyfus
Don't listen to me. I've taken too many drugs in my past and no longer know what I'm doing. All judgment has gone out of the window. Everything I write is a best guess as to what an okay story should look like. I sometimes wonder if what I write even makes sense.
If you have to listen to me then I'd say to use your words as weapons. I try to write stories in the same way an old school punk band thrashes out a tune about the government being a ton of shit or society being a parade of bleating sheep. Stir things up but ultimately show some empathy. Don't worry about being offensive or misunderstood. See bad reviews as good reviews. Write about the shit we face as a species and on an individual level; the two are interlinked. Don't be self-indulgent although that can sometimes be hard to avoid. Study grammar. Read lots of fiction and non-fiction. Tell your boss he's a cunt. Slap a policeman. Sniff glue at least once. Write to your local MP and tell them to read Spark. Get drunk and write stories, but sober up and review the situation before you publish anything.
That's it. ŷ questions are bollocks innit but I love them.
If you have to listen to me then I'd say to use your words as weapons. I try to write stories in the same way an old school punk band thrashes out a tune about the government being a ton of shit or society being a parade of bleating sheep. Stir things up but ultimately show some empathy. Don't worry about being offensive or misunderstood. See bad reviews as good reviews. Write about the shit we face as a species and on an individual level; the two are interlinked. Don't be self-indulgent although that can sometimes be hard to avoid. Study grammar. Read lots of fiction and non-fiction. Tell your boss he's a cunt. Slap a policeman. Sniff glue at least once. Write to your local MP and tell them to read Spark. Get drunk and write stories, but sober up and review the situation before you publish anything.
That's it. ŷ questions are bollocks innit but I love them.
Rupert Dreyfus
Apologies for the delay, Jason; ŷ doesn't seem to flag new questions on my notifications.
My favourite colour is the exact shade of red you will see if you pause the little known B-movie science fiction thriller 'Attack of the Killer Cabbage Man II' at 2 hours, 27 minutes and 02 seconds. You will see a man wearing a lovely green shirt with red stripes running away from the Killer Cabbage Man. I think, out of all the colours in the world, that has to be my favourite.
Why? I suppose it's because it reminds me of springtime.
My favourite colour is the exact shade of red you will see if you pause the little known B-movie science fiction thriller 'Attack of the Killer Cabbage Man II' at 2 hours, 27 minutes and 02 seconds. You will see a man wearing a lovely green shirt with red stripes running away from the Killer Cabbage Man. I think, out of all the colours in the world, that has to be my favourite.
Why? I suppose it's because it reminds me of springtime.
Rupert Dreyfus
I know answering ŷ questions is bollocks, but I thought I'd answer this one. I'm slowly working on a collection of 13 short stories (I'm just short of halfway there). However, I'm mostly focusing on my next novel which has a lot in common with Spark; a lot of rebellion and anti-establishment sentiments. I have a title and it's set in Brighton. I've written just over 12,000 words and everything has finally clicked into place. I'll hopefully get it out there within the next six months but you never know what life's going to throw at you.
Rupert Dreyfus
What a great question! Looks like I nearly missed it as well. In my mind Jake is a complete geek so a lot of the mainstream actors are way too cool. Somebody like Ben Wishaw or Robert Emms may be a good fit. I'm out of touch with twenty-something British actors, though, so there may be more on the scene who would play him well (let me know what you think!).
I'm going to take this further because it's such a great question and I feel like indulging myself. Noel Fielding or Russell Brand would make a great Vinnie Sloane if they bleached their hair. That whole 'living in the shadow of a rock star' thing suits them to a tee. I think they'd appreciate the part, too; especially Brand considering some of the messages.
There'd have to be two people playing Sky/ Sam. Probably Zooey Deschanel as Sky because that's the sort of 'girl next door' type I was thinking about. Sam would have to be a different actor - even if she turns out to be the same person. God knows who; somebody real sinister.
Kayvan Novak would make a great Alfie Khan.
And finally; Plato! If money was no object then Richard E. Grant would be perfect!
Thanks for that question! :-)
I'm going to take this further because it's such a great question and I feel like indulging myself. Noel Fielding or Russell Brand would make a great Vinnie Sloane if they bleached their hair. That whole 'living in the shadow of a rock star' thing suits them to a tee. I think they'd appreciate the part, too; especially Brand considering some of the messages.
There'd have to be two people playing Sky/ Sam. Probably Zooey Deschanel as Sky because that's the sort of 'girl next door' type I was thinking about. Sam would have to be a different actor - even if she turns out to be the same person. God knows who; somebody real sinister.
Kayvan Novak would make a great Alfie Khan.
And finally; Plato! If money was no object then Richard E. Grant would be perfect!
Thanks for that question! :-)
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