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MOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE, EDGE OF THE EARTH �� It seems you don’t have to go that far for all of the answers. An exclusive PNN investigation has learned bearded, wrinkled, allegedly “all-knowing�� Wise Man, Chang Lee has been using Google every time he disappears behind the large rock at his back.

Lee denies the charge. “I only keep the laptop back there for entertainment purposes. You don’t know how long it takes people these days to climb a mountain and I can’t just sit there all day with my legs criss-crossed.��

But while Lee claims a game of Sims 4��is just what is needed to break the monotony, PNN cameras caught him Googling answers and padding his “all knowing�� predictions. When confronted with the findings, Lee (wisely) pled the fifth.

CASPER, WYOMING—If it’s quieter in your house today, blame cable TV.

Angered by the latest crop of new reality TV shows like “Ghost Adventurers��, “Ghost Hunters��, “Ghost Lab��, “Most Haunted Places In America��, and the “Celebrity Paranormal Project��, the ghosts of Casper decided to stage a quiet protest by giving us a taste of the silent treatment.

“No moans, no rattling, no unexplained thumps,�� said James M. Flanigan, former owner and current haunter of Casper’s oldest steakhouse, the Plush Steer. “We might give you a chill on the back of your neck or a minor case of goosebumps just to remind you we’re here, but other than that—nothing.��

The undead of Casper feel that they’ve been treated unfairly by the creators and crew of these shows, one of which filmed recently at The Ivy House Inn Bed & Breakfast, a historic haunted site on South Ash. “Not only are they coming in and making money off our hard work, they won’t even share their craft table with us while they’re filming!�� said Flanigan. “Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like a bagel or some mini Snickers, too!��

INGOLSTADT, GERMANIA �� Experiment 2273A, also known as Esmerelda, bride of Frankenstein is threatening to call it quits. Celebrity couple watchers have been tracking the pair since the big, green guy popped the question while his soon-to-be fiancé was still on the table �� and in chains!

“Don’t get me wrong. I love him,�� says the seven foot, six inch bride-to-be. “But I’m tired of his maker trying to plan my entire wedding. Dr. Frankenstein is worse than a mother-in-law.��

So far, Esmerelda has refused Dr. Frankenstein’s choices of band (eerie classical with screams), cuisine (Romanian) and decorations (candles �� did we mention she hates fire?).

“Did you see how he wants me to wear my hair?�� quipped the bride. “I am not going to wear a cone of black hair with the white stripe-y thing to my wedding.��

When reached for comment, Frankenstein was preparing for the big day by drinking beer with his buddies and was unaware anything was wrong.

SKULL VALLEY, ARIZONA—�� It seems that impending doom is not upon us, after all.

Sources close to the Mayan high command confirm that the end of the world predicted for Dec. 12, 2012 was created as part of a prank which occurred after the annual Mayan holiday party celebration. Two calendar-makers, tentatively identified as Jorge and Frank, imbibed a bit too much as part of the traditional “sun ritual�� and thought it would be funny to make a few slight alterations to the calendar they were creating.

In addition to the Armageddon date, Jorge and Frank included such made-up events as “Worship Of The Ferrets��, “Day of Farting��, and “FRANK ROOLZ!!!�� within the regular assortment of Mayan holidays. Since the calendar had already been proofread, the new “holidays�� were not caught until the official carvings were already made.

Cataclysmic events such as changes in the earth’s gravitational pull, global warming, and alien invasions have been associated with reaching the13th b’ak’tun, as predicted in the false prophecy.�� Jorge and Frank have both been removed from their official calendar duties and have been reassigned to the ziggurat cleaning crews.

DESTINY, CA �� It seems at least one of the white-robed incarnations of destiny is wearing her skirt a little higher these days �� and with heels. Party girl Clotho was arrested at the Griffith Observatory at approximately 2:35 am this morning after attempting to “show the world a good time.��

She refused a breathalyzer, instead charming arresting officers with a love spell and evading arrest long enough to re-route the Colorado to resemble the Finger Lakes, one finger in particular.

Mac Hauser, head of Cover Up Operations, calls it the biggest disaster since Clotho zapped Honey Boo Boo to reality television fame. “I mean really,�� Hauser commented, “the mortals are going to grow suspicious, if they haven’t already.��

Clotho was sleeping an unavailable for comment, but her sister Atropos issued the following statement. “What can I say? It must have been fate. At least Clotho didn’t do anything crazy and make the Cubs win the World Series.��

MOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE, EDGE OF THE EARTH �� It seems you don’t have to go that far for all of the answers. An exclusive PNN investigation has learned bearded, wrinkled, allegedly “all-knowing�� Wise Man, Chang Lee has been using Google every time he disappears behind the large rock at his back.

Lee denies the charge. “I only keep the laptop back there for entertainment purposes. You don’t know how long it takes people these days to climb a mountain and I can’t just sit there all day with my legs criss-crossed.��

But while Lee claims a game of Sims 3 is just what is needed to break the monotony, PNN cameras caught him Googling answers and padding his “all knowing�� predictions. When confronted with the findings, Lee (wisely) pled the fifth.

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GENEVA, SWITZERLAND �� The American Association of Reanimated Ghouls and Haunts (AARGH) announced today that they will formally protest Doctor Frankenstein Laboratories and all of its sub companies, including Frankenstein Footwear and Frankenstein Interior Design Services, claiming the company’s medical experiments violate non-human rights and are excruciatingly painful.

“Zee Muh Nuh Nuh UHHHH GAAAAAAH!�� said the EU spokesman for the union, whose membership numbers in the hundreds of thousands across Europe and the world.��Mr. Phillipe LeMux, a former wine steward, further condemned the brainy scientist’s practices, saying, “STOOOP! Noooooo! ARRRRG!�� in a prepared statement.

Sissy Frankenstein, spokeswoman for Frankenstein Industries responded, insisting, “We are only working for the betterment of zombies and undead monsters everywhere. It is the policy of Frankenstein Industries to remove heads only when medically necessary and frankly, on a personal note, I’ve met a lot of people who would do better with new brains in their thick skulls.��

Zombie protestors took immediate offense to her statement and have vowed to lodge a protest swarm outside the company’s mountain-top headquarters.

SCARVILLE, IOWA–Girl meets ghoul. Girl gets ghoul. But what happens when the girl wants more than a quick game of rattle-my-chains?

One of the things that men and women (dead or undead) have in common is the need to be loved and to love in return. Emotional intimacy happens when there’s a joining together of spirits beyond the flesh.�� But when the spirit of your dreams isn’t willing to take that next step, it may be time to take a long look at what you both want from your relationship. It may be that you’re moving at different speeds.

“A first date is not grounds for registering your fine china pattern or picking out a joint headstone.�� says Dr. Susan Howard, professor of sociology at Erie College. “Slow down. I’m not talking about playing hard to get, but be reasonably upfront about your feelings. Undead men are generally not scared off by straight talk, but they do get nervous when their dates jump the gun and invite the vampire brotherhood over for dinner.��

MUNSTER, INDIANA—�� Things are getting hairy in the Olympic Village.

Sunday evening, a review board met to determine whether wolfsbane should be added to the banned substance list established in 1999. Wolfsbane is rumored to have a narcotic effect on the user, decreasing sensation to allow athletes to continue with training or competition after serious injury.

Team Transylvania has lodged an official protest, saying the herbs are part of their team’s traditional athletic preparation and provide no unfair advantages to athletes other than mild hunger pangs, the desire to rub up against doorframes (or roll on a fluffy rug), and “a totally mellow chill��.

Wolfsbane, also known as��monkshood and Devil’s helmet,��is one��of over 250��species��of flowering plants��belonging to the buttercup family.

GNAW BONE, INDIANA�� Calling your leprechaun clan together in the Old Country used to be a simple thing—scratch a rune at the crossroads, or tie a bit of string around a branch of heather, and everyone knew what to do next. Today’s modern reunions of the wee folk take a bit more planning. If you’re the one in charge, here are a few steps you can take:

5. Pick your location. A site where the rainbow ends is the obvious choice, but consider other options. Would your group like sushi? An afternoon of bowling? Paddleboat rides?

4. Provide a safe place for everyone’s gold. Nothing ruins a reunion faster than being captured. (And find more than one�� having it all in the same place is just asking for trouble.)

3. Make a short list of items that need to be done and share it among the attendees. After all, it’s your reunion too—you should get to enjoy it and not get stuck with all the work!

2. Consider entertainment. Karaoke is one hot activity on the reunion circuit, but you may want to put a ban on soulful renditions of “Danny Boy�� until later in the evening.

1. Plan refreshments. Food and drink add to the fun, but don’t feel like you need a full stag hunt. A few bannocks and a bowl of grog are fine if you’re on a budget. Or, if you’re feeling ironic, boxes of Lucky Charms.