Rachael Rose Steil
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Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
4 editions
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published
2016
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“I decided to say something.
It was through an email, an email to my mom confessing that I had a problem with food, that maybe it was an eating disorder, that I wasn't sure what to do or feel. That yes, I had gained weight, and I was scared, and I was constantly thinking about food.
That it was taking over my life.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
It was through an email, an email to my mom confessing that I had a problem with food, that maybe it was an eating disorder, that I wasn't sure what to do or feel. That yes, I had gained weight, and I was scared, and I was constantly thinking about food.
That it was taking over my life.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“No one could see the thoughts when the body looked normal to them. The voice wanted it to just be the two of us. It wanted to hide. If no one saw it, then no one would believe me.
No one would ask.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
No one would ask.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“I knew, deep down, that running would not save me.
Rawchael would not save me.
Rachael would.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
Rawchael would not save me.
Rachael would.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“And that freshman year, as I looked into the mirror, as I stepped onto that scale every morning, as I crawled into bed every night, stomach growling, mind racing, heart anxious, I laughed and I cried. I soothed the aching, empty belly, and I whispered, She is mine.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“I decided to say something.
It was through an email, an email to my mom confessing that I had a problem with food, that maybe it was an eating disorder, that I wasn't sure what to do or feel. That yes, I had gained weight, and I was scared, and I was constantly thinking about food.
That it was taking over my life.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
It was through an email, an email to my mom confessing that I had a problem with food, that maybe it was an eating disorder, that I wasn't sure what to do or feel. That yes, I had gained weight, and I was scared, and I was constantly thinking about food.
That it was taking over my life.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“As I searched for food perfection, and as I gained weight, I began to realize that the race for perfection in anything was the path to destruction.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“All my mind and body wanted at this point was to be tucked away somewhere with the entire tray of brownies and to eat them as fast as possible. It was as if eating them faster would make the whole thing feel less real, that eating them faster wouldn't give me time to stop eating them. For this moment, they were the bits of euphoria that paradoxically, kept me rooted in this world.
I grabbed another brownie.
Coach Woj saw me grab my third.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
I grabbed another brownie.
Coach Woj saw me grab my third.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
“No one could see the thoughts when the body looked normal to them. The voice wanted it to just be the two of us. It wanted to hide. If no one saw it, then no one would believe me.
No one would ask.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It
No one would ask.”
― Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It