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If you're not up on the James Frey work-for-hire thing, check out

Basically, Ìýhe's started his own book packaging firm, offering writers a completely draconian contract. ÌýLots of people have weighed in, telling folks they should never sign a contract like this, and I agree--it's terrible. Ìý Mostly because the author of the book gets only 250 bucks for writing the book.

I've done some work-for-hire writing, and I freaking loved it. ÌýThis is probably because I was always good at being a student. Give me a writing assignment, and I am ready to go to town.

But I got paid a lot more than 250 bucks. ÌýWork for hire is fine and dandy as long as it pays decently. ÌýIf you are a talented writer, you don't have to use your talent exclusively to write work that makes your soul sing. It's okay to use your talent to pay the bills, too. Everybody understands that actors do this. Ìý(Like poor Jamie Pressley in that "use Axe to wash your balls" ad.) ÌýBut, I mean, 250 bucks is not gonna pay the bills. There are reputable work for hire opportunities that pay a lot more than this. ÌýAnd non-James Frey-related work for hire gigs can actually help you to build your professional network. ÌýYou've worked with an editor who knows you do good work and deliver it on time, and maybe their buddy down the hall is in the market for a novel...well, you see how this might work.

So, yeah, James Frey is not a good person and intends to exploit his contract employees. Ìý

Fine and dandy, but I kind of wonder why more scorn isn't falling on the MFA programs from which Frey recruits his serfs. ÌýFrey, douchebag though he is, offers nominal payment for some work. ÌýWhat exactly are the MFA programs offering? ÌýThe chance to pay tens, or even hundreds of thousands of dollars....for what, exactly?Ìý

I mean, this guy who wrote the "Pittacus Lore" book for James Frey is apparently pissed because he can't sell his literary novel about an earnest young writer who can't write. ÌýThe book is called, and I am not making this up, Agony at Dawn. Ìý

If you were writing a parody of earnest literary novels about young writers who can't write, you would probably call it Agony at Dawn. ÌýExcept that name is apparently already taken. Ìý

Some folks have been critical of Columbia's MFA program for bringing Frey in to recruit serfs, but who's making more money off the young aspiring writers? ÌýI mean, this dude who wrote the Pittacus Lore book came out of Columbia's MFA program thinking that a novel about a young writer called Agony at DawnÌýwas something anybody on earth wanted to read. ÌýAt least Frey gave him 250 bucks. And "trust me, and you can't audit" points on the movie deal. ÌýMr. Agony at Dawn can probably forego a day job for a couple of years, and maybe write something someone other than his mom and girlfriend want to read as a result. ÌýHow much of this does he owe to Columbia's MFA program? And what does it say about said program that 5 out of 9 people in the room for Frey's serfdom pitch went and prostrated themselves before him?

I'm not suggesting anybody should sign on to Frey's crappy deal. ÌýBut as long as we're castigating people who profit off of the labor and naivete of young writers, maybe we should look at what kind of value the MFA programs are giving those young naive writers in exchange for their tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars.

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I think we take it for granted that participation in sports has benefits--or can have benefits, anyway--off the field of play. ÌýI can attest to this, but only second hand, since I was not an athletic youth. ÌýOkay, that's a terrible understatement, but I have seen how sports have had a positive effect on my children.

But what about arts training? ÌýOne of my daughters is looking at a high school that involves some pretty intense arts training, and she asked if all that work would be wasted if she doesn't pursue a career as an actor. Ìý

This got me thinking about my own experience with acting-- I was in at least two plays a year from 7th through 12th grade. ÌýAnd I've come to see that this experience has had a pretty profound impact on my life, though I was never in another play after I graduated from high school.

Let's look first at my two careers. ÌýAs far as teaching goes, my acting experience has been invaluable. There is a performance element in teaching. ÌýEven if, like me, you focus on getting the students to work in groups and rarely lecture, you need to be the ringmaster/MC of the whole thing, and my experience on stage definitely helped me be able to do this. ÌýStanding in front of an audience and acting like you deserve their attention is a skill I definitely learned in the theater.

So was improv. ÌýAny teacher can tell you that things don't always go according to plan. ÌýA student derails the class, or your activity that was supposed to take a half hour fizzles out after ten minutes. ÌýThe ability to stay cool under these circumstances and roll with whatever weird changes come Ìýyour way during class is another skill I learned in the theater, where you always have to think on your feet.

As for writing, well, most, but not all, of my books have been written in the first person, and I firmly believe that my ability to inhabit different characters in my writing comes directly from my training in the theater. ÌýAll that practice at being other people, and trying to think other people's thoughts and feel other people's feelings has really paid off, since that's basically what I do now, though it's on the page rather than the stage.

And then there are the other life lessons--as I work with young people working to jump into the professional workforce, I see that a lot of people haven't ever had the experience of being held accountable for their reliability. ÌýIn a play, you have to show up for rehearsals and performances because other people are depending on you.

And of course there's the experience of being part of a play that sucks. When you just have to kind of grit your teeth and say to yourself, "well, my performance is not going to be one of the things that sucks about this."

Then there's just the confidence that comes from succeeding at something difficult. Of course, you can get this from lots of places, but I got it from the theater. Ìý

Finally, for me anyway, being in plays allowed me to take risks and forget myself for a while. ÌýI think this is one of the things (along with anxiety and a naturally cautious nature, of course) that kept my high-risk behavior at a minimum during high school. Ìý(I recognize that the theater is not usually a place one goes to get away from drug use any more than the football field is a place one goes to avoid alcohol, but it worked that way for me, okay?)

In the end, I think my participation in the theater probably had a more profound impact on my adult life than most of my academic work in high school. ÌýI did get a lot out of some of my academic work, but, let's be honest--Chemistry, pre-calc, Biology, European History--I'm glad I took these things (okay, not pre-calc, but the other ones), but they don't resonate in my daily life the way the theater does.Ìý

One of the reasons my daughter is looking at the arts school is that her school has cut its theater program to the bare bones, which just seems incredibly short sighted and ultimately counterproductive to a high school having a lasting impact on its students.

A few years back, there was this controversy about how this Harvard-educated hottie plagiarized her book from another book.Ìý And Malcolm Gladwell wrote a about how it's impossible for genre authors to plagiarize because writing in a genre is patently unoriginal anyway.

Kelly Link posted this characteristically smart and awesome comment:

A couple of points: all works of art -- music, writing, visual arts, etc -- are in conversation with each other. If you're well read, it's impossible not to see the places where books more or less brush up against each other, where writers/artists are working with the same material, or with the same ideas, or even in response to each other's work. Sometimes this makes a book seem thin or formulaic, and sometimes it adds richness. (Provide your own examples.)

The part about works of art being in conversation with each other has been in my head for a long time and echoes in there now as I consider three bad movies that were obvious influences on three of the best movies ever made.

In the order in which I saw them:

Carnival of Souls:Ìý This is an insufferably dull, badly-acted, inchoerent piece of crap. If you've ever seen a movie, you'll probably know the ending when I tell you it starts with a young woman suriviving a car crash and continues with all kinds of inexplicably weird stuff happening until the big "twist" ending.Ìý So, yeah, it sucks, but it does contain a weird corpselike guy who kind of stalks the heroine.Ìý And who is a clear influence on George Romero's first masterpiece, Night of the Living Dead. Here's the trailer.Ìý The proto-Romero zombie is all over it. He made me want to say "They're coming for you, Barbara!"

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It: The Terror From Beyond Space.Ìý A cheesy 50's science-fiction tale that actually had some halfway decent parts. But still, I can't recommend it to anybody who doesn't find bad science fiction and horror movies inherently charming in the way I do.Ìý Still, the story of people trapped on a spaceship with an inexplicable alien killing machine is a pretty clear influence on Alien.Ìý I kind of imagine that movie beginning with Dan O'Bannon sitting around and going, "I wonder what it would be like if It: The Terror From Beyond Space didn't suck?"ÌýÌý

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Finally, a movie I haven't even finished yet, 1971's Tombs of the Blind Dead.Ìý This is the best of the bad movies I'm discussing here, in that the parts of it that are good are good enough to outweigh the parts that are bad. Which is most of it.Ìý It's definitely worth seeing if you've got the kind of love for horror movies that led you to watch them alone on Saturday afternoons when you were a youth and you probably should have been outside playing.Ìý Ahem.Ìý

But my point here is this:Ìý There's a scene with the titular blind dead dressed in black robes riding black-clad horses that is a really clear influence on the ringwraiths, and in particular the chase with Liv Tyler, in The Fellowship of the Ring. (You can see the proto ringwraiths at about :30 in the trailer...)

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What's my point here? I don't have a brilliant conclusion--it's just that we think of lesser works of art being inspired by great works of art, but, as it turns out, it works in reverse too.

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Well, after hearing about it here and there, I finally checked out the over on the You Tube. Ìý

Holy crap, these videos are incredibly moving, and I can't say enough about the awesomeness of Dan Savage. (I've said this before, but I firmly believe that anyone who is, was, or plans to be sexually active should be listening to thet.) (And, no, I haven't told my teens about it because that would be the best way to ensure they never go near it.) ÌýSo, anyway, go click over there and scroll down and see all the videos that people from all over the world have posted to tell GLBTQ youth that it gets better, and see if you can stay dry-eyed. ÌýI found the whole thing really powerful. ÌýAnd yeah, I only watched the celebrity videos, but still. Ìý( is just as awesome as you would expect from America's most visible master teacher.)

So, yeah, this is an awesome, wonderful, sincere and not at all cheesy thing, and I totally support it.

And yet, possibly because I'm old enough to remember , , and , or possibly just because I'm a dick, I do have a quibble.

I just want people to remember that most suicides come about not as a result of any specific incident,or as a result of bullying but as a result of depression.

Clinical depression is a potentially fatal illness that has affected many, many people I love. I have been lucky enough to get a very mild case (mine comes with a side order of anxiety! Nice!), and I respond very well to the cheapest medication and have been spared side effects. Ìý

I resisted getting medication for my depression for a long time. Even though I knew better, I thought that my depression was something I should be able to defeat by sheer force of will. Ìý(This is kind of the battle metaphor for illness that plagues the way we think about so many illnesses.) ÌýI also romanticized my depression somewhat, feeling like it kind of made me who I am. Ìý

Well, it turns out I am still the same person after getting treatment--I just feel better. ÌýI still get sad and angry and (ask my family) grumpy, but I no longer spend entire days worrying about stupid crap that is never going to happen.Ìý

If I think about it, what I actually have is anxiety with a side of depression, but some people have depression as a main dish and much more seriously than me. ÌýI know how lucky I am. Ìý

I also know that when people are in the throes of a serious depressive episode, they need more than encouraging words--they need help. ÌýSo I guess I would just say to the depressed and anxious among you that you don't have to feel horrible all the time. ÌýLife doesn't have to be painful all the time. ÌýAnd please, please, seek some help. If you broke your leg, you'd go see a doctor. ÌýYou wouldn't think you should just buck up and get over it. Try to look at this illness the same way and go see a doctor and get the help you need.Ìý

Time for a break from ranting about education!

So recently I've had some challenges getting my books into the big bookstore chains. Okay, for the last 8 years.Ìý

Yes, they're on the ropes, financially speaking, but chain bookstores still move a hell of a lot of product and are, despite the charms of independent bookstores, the places where most people in this country get their books.

I like to shop at independent bookstores, but I also enjoy shopping at the chains. ÌýAs I've written before, they tend to have a way better selection of SF/Fantasy/Horror than most independent bookstores, which seems like a lost sales opportunity for the indies, but anyway.

As much as the market is changing, ebook, amazon, blah blah blah, the chains still really decide the fate of most books. Ìý

And they seem to kinda hate me.

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So I had this great idea to record a parody of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" complete with video of me wandering through the chains searching in vain for copies of my books. Ìý

Kinda like did in her "" video.

But Jackson Pearce doesn't, as near as I can tell, have a day job and three kids, and so has time to spend crafting parody video. Ìý

Not me. ÌýSo the best I can do is this: ÌýBelow, find the video for "The Chain." It's from a 1977 performance in Japan, apparently. ÌýI watched several versions and liked this one best for its energy. ÌýAnd also because Lindsey Buckingham is sporting the E. Bloom look in this video, and it kinda made me wonder if maybe they were the same person, because I've damn sure never seen them together. Ìý

So, anyway, cue up the video and then read my lyrics below and imagine me, or better yet, someone younger and more attractive, cavorting through the aisles in their local chain bookstores searching in vain for a Halpin title. ÌýEnjoy!

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Run into the bookstore, look for my books

Look at the front table
Damn there's no YA by guys

And if they don't stock me now
They might never stock me again
I can still hear you saying there's no orders from the the chains
And if you can't find me now
You might never look for me again
I can still hear you saying there's no orders from the chains

Paranormal romance has five shelves

You can't find me
Shelved between G and I

Miles of booksÌýbut dammit none of them are mine

If I put a vampire in
If I say that sex is a sin
Would I still hear you saying there's no orders from the chains
If I put an angel in
Or rewrite Mr. Darcy again
Would I still hear you saying there's no orders from the chains
If I write dystopian
Could I get on the shelves again
I can still hear you saying there's no orders from the chains.

Chains...keep me obscure
(run into the shadows)
Chains...keep me obscure
(run into the shadows)
Chains...keep me obscure
(run into the shadows)

I know I'm writing a lot about education these days, but 'tis the season to crap on teachers! ÌýHere in Boston, the for signing on to this ÌýÌýin the Washington Post about how to "fix" schools.

Have you clicked through? ÌýWell, either way, let me address some of the stupider parts of this.

"The glacial process of removing an incompetent teacher." ÌýSigh. ÌýOkay. There are really bad teachers out there. ÌýAnd there is a process that is not at all glacial for how to remove them. ÌýHere's an example from my own experience. ÌýIn one school where I worked, there were two really incompetent teachers: one was a barely-functioning alcoholic who would frequently come to school under the influence, and another had some sort of mental illness that made it impossible for him to teach. (One of my students who had this guy said he had spent an entire class period leaning back in his chair with his shoes sitting on his desk, inhaling the aroma.). ÌýBoth these men had taught for decades, and it wasn't until the principal was getting ready to retire that both were fired. ÌýThey received unsatisfactory evaluations, had a hearing, and were dismissed mid year. ÌýWhy? Because the principal, with his retirement in sight, decided he was going to take these guys with him. In other words, he bothered to do the evaluation. ÌýIn my first year of teaching, I received an evaluation that said I was perfect because the administrators hadn't bothered to visit my classroom three times. ÌýOut of nearly a thousand class periods I taught that year. Ìý

So look--the process isn't glacial. Administrators just have to actually do it. ÌýMoving on.

Merit pay is brought up here. ÌýI think it's probably okay to look at seniority rules , particularly the ones that allow senior teachers to bump staff from other buildings. ÌýBut please refer to my previous post--are the rich people scrambling for merit pay for their teachers tied to standardized testing? ÌýThey are not. ÌýSo why would this be a good idea for public school teachers? ÌýThe fact is, teaching is as much art as science, and it can only be evaluated subjectively.Ìý

I was encouraged when the article mentioned how hard it is for teachers to be effective with classes of 25 or 30. ÌýBut they duck the obvious answer--reducing class sizes, which they know damn well has a positive effect on instruction. ÌýInstead they plug online learning. ÌýPlease note--both things cost money. ÌýSo what these public officials are calling for here is not additional money to hire more teachers--they are actually calling for additional money to be funneled from the public sector to the private companies who provide online learning "solutions". ÌýThe cynicism behind this is really sickening, especially coming from people on the public payroll.Ìý

Finally, we come to more charter schools--because we need excellent schools now, and we can't wait for regular schools to improve. ÌýAgain, this is incredibly cynical, because the authors know as well as anyone and better than most that charter schools are not welcoming to students with special needs and students who don't speak English as a first language. Boston Superintendent Carol Johnson knows that most of the charter schools in Boston don't graduate up to, and in some cases beyond, fifty percent of the students they enroll. ÌýShame on her for signing this.

Nothing at all is mentioned about poverty, drug addiction and the problem of children coming to school not ready to learn. I don't care how great your teacher is--if you come to school not ready to learn because you don't have a place to live or your parent is absent due to addiction or the need to work two or three jobs, or you are hungry--well, you get the idea--you're not ready to learn, and you're starting the game several squares behind everyone else. ÌýMaybe I'm stupid, but I don't see how standardized testing, merit pay, charter schools and online learning are going to fix this. Ìý

There's a simple way to tell which education reforms are actual reforms and which are crap. ÌýWhenever anyone proposes an "education reform," ask this question: Ìýis this what the richest people in America pay to get for their children? ÌýIf the answer is no, you can bet the "reform" is Ìýcrap. Ìý

Let's look at some of the innovative education "reforms" that have gotten entrenched as indispensible for public education:

1.) the longer school day! ÌýDo rich people pay for this? ÌýI have to say the answer here is mixed. ÌýSince a lot of really rich people send their children to boarding school, where the school day is like, all day long, I guess I have to say maybe. But I don't think those kids are in academics all day. And most day schools don't have an especially long day. ÌýI think rich people realize the importance of having some time for sports and arts in the day. ÌýThis one's a mixed bag.

2.) The longer school year! ÌýBzzt! ÌýRich people know that kids learn from having experiences outside the classroom in the summer. ÌýCamp, summer jobs, vacations--all of these are important for kids. ÌýMany private schools, at least in my state where they are very lightly regulated, actually have shorter school years than public schools.

3.)Lots and lots of standardized testing! ÌýBzzt! ÌýPerhaps rich people realize that a couple of weeks a year of standardized testing doesn't actually benefit kids that much. ÌýSo why are they trying to ensure that your kids get that?

Look. Education reform isn't rocket science. ÌýJust look at what the rich people buy for their kids and try to duplicate that for everybody else. ÌýHint--it's small classes and individual attention. One of my daughters is currently in a math class with 28 students. It's one of five such classes her teacher teaches. ÌýOprah and the charter school hallelujah chorus like to beat up on public school teachers, but how can my daughter's math teacher possibly shepherd 150 students a day through algebra effectively? ÌýYou can bet that kind of stuff doesn't fly in private school. Ìý

It's amazing to me that as we tie ourselves in knots trying to figure out what to do about education, the answer is right in the very schools that the people driving this debate send their kids to. Ìý

I was lucky enough to get a private school scholarship, and here's what I got: my biggest classes in high school had 20 students in them. Ìý15 was closer to the norm. I was immersed in a culture where a great deal was expected of me. I was made to feel like I mattered.Ìý

We could absolutely do this for everybody. ÌýBut it would cost a lot of money. ÌýBut I guess we have to ask ourselves this: Ìýis it right that some kids get this experience and others don't? ÌýDoesn't a belief in justice and equal opportunity require that all children have access to this experience, no matter the cost? ÌýIf your answer is no, I'd be fascinated to hear your rationale.