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I should note that I am, literally, sitting on my ass, if only because it’s more comfortable than sitting on my face, though, when so doing, my nose does make for a nice, one-legged George Jetson-like chair support.

Of late, I’ve had a few folks politely inquire as to when I’ll be putting out some new stuff (and by “politely inquire,� I mean eloquent inquiries such as, “Hey, jagoff, stop being a lazy asshole and write something new, will you? There are only so many times I can torture myself with your prior mediocrities.�). (Being a writer is the best, I tell you. And I mean that sincerely—no matter offensively phrased, when someone wants to read more of your stuff, it’s a good feeling.)

So, I thought I’d provide a quick and probably unsatisfying update (stow it, peanut gallery, before you start cracking jokes about how my updates are like my lovemaking—being correct and being nice aren’t always the same thing, you know). When you’ve got a crazy-busy full-time gig and little ones, as many of you know, free time is at a premium, which makes the writing process a lot slower than I’d like it to be. And, even when stories have been written, the whole trying-to-get-a-book-deal thing means that they spend a lot of time circulating amongst agents who, I think, look at my work like I do asparagus at a dinner party: smile politely, shake your head, and say, “Wow, that looks great, but I really don’t like it when my pee smells.�

So, while I do have a new Heloise book written, it’s not yet ready to share with the general public, though maybe I’ll post a few pages at some point in the near future if enough people indicate that it’s likely that they will die if they’re unable to read it (I mean, the Hippocratic oath applies to writers, right?). I’m hard at work on a new story as well, and I’ll provide some updates on that when and if I think it’s going to stick. (No, it’s not the long-awaited Camelot Shadow sequel, but I promise that will happen down the road.)

“Well, that’s all well and good,� I hear the polite inquirers saying, “but what am I supposed to do in the meantime if I need to read something soporific on those nights I’m tossing and turning in bed?�

Were I a less well-mannered individual, I might suggest that you suck it; fortunately, I’m exceedingly courteous, so I will provide a few helpful suggestions.

If you’ve already worked your way through The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple, The Camelot Shadow, and The Strange Task Before Me: Being an Excerpt from the Journal of William J. Upton (and I hope that, if you’ve read and enjoyed The Camelot Shadow, you’ve checked out Strange Task—it sets up some things that will bear fruit in future sequels), you might want to check out the following reviews, which are basically short stories/scripts. I like to exercise the creative writing muscles on GR now and again, so keep your eyes peeled (but not literally, because gross) for similar output in the future.

A pilot script for "Doctor, Doctor," a sitcom starring Doctor Strange and Doctor Doom

A pilot script for "Days of our (Future) Lives," a teen dramedy starring the Uncanny X-Men

An account of my abduction by aliens who wanted me to explain human mating habits

If you’re still incredibly desperate for reading material, I’d also suggest digging through the archives of this blog, where you’ll find flights of wit, fancy, and wonder, mainly from the commenters who are taking shots at the material.

I am so incredibly grateful to all of you who have taken time to hang out with my stories and who continue to support me and show an interest in future work—I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: every writer, no matter what they say, writes to be read, and the reason I do that is because I’m so indebted to the many incredible writers who have made me think, laugh, cry, or just generally entertained me over the years. If I can do the same for someone somewhere along the way, then I’m a happy cat.

As Stan Lee famously said in Mallrats, “You keep reading ‘em, I’ll keep writing ‘em.�