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Addiction is a big part of life.

In fact, to some, it is life.

It defines who we are.

It is who we become.

It controls our every move.

Our every decision.

It takes over.

It controls our thoughts.

It controls our behavior.

We become lost within it.

We disappear.

Not only to ourselves,

but also to everyone around us.

If you think about it,

which some of you will and some of you can't,

I mean won't (actually I meant can't),

we are all addicted to something.

That's right, all of us.

You,

me,

him,

her,

them,

they (whoever the fuck they are)

and even that asshole next door.

We are all addicted to some "thing,"

some activity,

some desire,

some thought,

some behavior,

some habit,

some one,

something.

We're addicts,

all of us.

Plain and simple.

Oh, I can hear you now,

you self righteous little bastards,

"not me, I'm not addicted to anything,

I got my shit in order.

Self control, that's my middle name."

Fuck you!

Sounds to me like you're addicted to your ego,

your sense of self,

and your sense of superiority.

Your sense of denial.

But that's how it works.

We're all addicted to some kind of shit and we don't even know it.

Well some us of know it,

we just hope no one else will notice,

or find out.

We're all living in the dark,

in the shadows,

at least to some degree,

or so we think.

But that's part of the fun,

isn't it?

So, now that you've had a chance to ponder it over,

what are you addicted too?

Come on, let's be honest, shall we?

How about shopping?

I hear there's a sale at Macy's.

You can always use another pairs of shoes.

No?

Then, how about eating?

Are you spending a little too much time in the drive-thru at McDonalds?

No?

What about anorexia?

Or bulimia?

No, then what about gambling?

Cards,

horse racing,

roulette,

craps,

the lottery,

sporting events,

when will the postman arrive?

No still?

Then what about sex,

voyeurism,

cybersex,

prostitutes,

pornography,

masturbation,

pedophilia,

necrophilia,

or how about exhibitionism?

No? So you're able to keep your pants on?

Then how about exercise,

aerobics,

yoga,

running,

bicycling,

swimming,

hiking,

tennis,

boxing,

or weightlifting?

Nothing yet?

Ok then, let's take a look at home,

obsessive cleanliness,

or COD,

intentional neglect,

hoarding,

collecting (are you one of those assholes that collects miniature leprechauns?).

Television,

reality shows,

square dancing,

video games,

the discovery channel,

game shows,

sitcoms,

the fucking Lucy Show,

the internet.

What? Then what about at work,

overachieving,

self sabotage,

lying,

stealing,

forging,

back stabbing?

Still no?

OK, you're being difficult,

let's try arson,

rape,

murder,

enemas,

chewing tobacco,

farting in crowded elevators,

or shitting one's pants � intentionally!

And let's not forget beastiality,

or kleptomania.

And of course there's always caffeine.

How the fuck did I forget caffeine?

Coffee,

tea,

expresso,

lattes,

cappuccinos,

and those fucking carmel macchiatos!

Coke,

Pepsi,

Dr.Pepper,

Red Bull,

Rock Star,

And who could live without Mountain Dew?

Have I mentioned prescription drugs yet,

like sleeping pills,

muscle relaxants,

diet pills,

laxatives,

barbiturates,

xanax,

vicodin,

codeine,

and oxycontin (Fuck you Rush).

And every beer guzzling man's favorite,

TV sports,

football,

basketball,

baseball,

wrestling,

and fucking golf!

Here's one of my favorites,

self-mutilation!

Tattooing,

piercing,

cutting,

burning,

and prematurely picking your scabs.

Still nothing?

Then how does a little sadism sound,

or necrophilia?

Mixed with a touch of satanism,

or cult worship,

How about a little asphyxiation?

And last,

but certainly not least,

try sticking a hot poker up your ass!

And you thought alcoholics and drug addicts were bad.

© OMW 2012