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324 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 4, 2021
his hand painfully grips a fistful of my hair and gives me a shake. "Say, 'I understand, Shay.'"
"I-I understand Shay," I hiccup through my tears.
"Say, 'I will do what you tell me, Shay.'"
"I will do what you tell me, Shay,"
"Say that you are mine!"
I swallow back the lump in my throat and whisper, "I'm yours."
”To anyone who has ever felt trapped in the darkness, who have felt lost, consumed by the cruel thoughts in the back of their minds. To anyone who has ever felt like giving up by giving in to those words that rip your heart apart, and make you feel like you don’t deserve happiness or love. Tell those voices to shut up. Pick yourself up, and please reach out for help.
You are WORTHY!
You are a FIGHTER!
You are STRONG!
You are BEAUTIFUL!
You deserve HAPPINESS!
Don’t let the nightmares of the past ruin your hopes of the future. Don’t let your worries of the future overrule your present. Be silly. Be kind. Be present in today and just do the best you can do. This is your life. Whenever anything tries to knock you down, pick yourself back up, and tell them they hit like a bitch.�
1. ‘This is Shay. And despite the lines we’ve crossed
over the last several weeks, we are nearing a point of no return. I feel like the man, who was once my faithful guardian and protector, is now transforming into my dark demon.�
2. ‘I don’t like being in here anymore.
When I was little, it used to be a place of refuge, a haven. Even with the knives he had stowed away because they scared me, I had always felt safe with him. Shay used to soothe my fears. Now� he is the root of them.�
3. ‘Play the part, Mina� just play the part. Keep him safe� But even in my mind, I hear myself sob.�
4. ‘Every move I made was with Shay in mind and whether or not he would be happy with me. Everything in my life revolved around him. He was no longer my protector. He was my tormentor. I’d given in to him, but I was still navigating on how best to survive with him.�
5. ‘I was the shell of the person I had once been. I wasn’t strong. I wasn’t capable. I would never be free. This was my life now. This is what I need to accept... I was his.�
”I’ve always been selfish with you. I broke you. I never wanted this. And now, I’m going to let you go, because it will keep you safe.�
”But this was never a love triangle story. This was about a troubled relationship between step-siblings, who live in a tough world, and who both have traumas.�
’I sit back on the bench, a sense of calm rushing over me. I haven’t felt this� right� in a long time. For once, I know, with absolute certainty, that what I’m doing is right. And I won’t be lost in the darkness anymore...�
"Good girl, Mina," he whispers. "Very good girl."
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Shay keeps me safe. He loves me. Everything he does is for me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking insane?" I scream.
"YES! I am! I'm fucking crazy! I'm out of my mind!"
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� im selfish, i know, cant let you go
so find someone great, dont find no one better
i hope youre happy, but dont be happier �
For her. This is for her. She’ll be safe, and I’ll be at peace.
“I want you to crave me like a drug. I want you to beg me to fuck you. And I will. Because it is the most right and the most honest thing that I can do, to show you how I feel about you. That I love you. I always have, and I always will.�