“I wiped the blade against my jeans and walked into the bar. It was mid-afternoon, very
hot and still. The bar was deserted. I ordered a whisky. The barman looked at the blood
and asked:
鈥楪辞诲?鈥�
鈥榊别补丑.鈥�
鈥楽鈥檖ose it鈥檚 time someone finished that hypocritical little punk, always bragging about
his old man鈥檚 power鈥︹€�
He smiled crookedly, insinuatingly, a slight nausea shuddered through me. I replied
weakly:
鈥業t was kind of sick, he didn鈥檛 fight back or anything, just kept trying to touch me and
shit, like one of those dogs that try to fuck your leg. Something in me snapped, the
whingeing had ground me down too low. I really hated that sanctimonious little creep.鈥�
鈥楽o you snuffed him?鈥�
鈥榊eah, I鈥檝e killed him, knifed the life out of him, once I started I got frenzied, it was
an ecstasy, I never knew I could hate so much.鈥�
I felt very calm, slightly light-headed. The whisky tasted good, vaporizing in my
throat. We were silent for a few moments. The barman looked at me levelly, the edge of
his eyes twitching slightly with anxiety:
There鈥檒l be trouble though, don鈥檛cha think?鈥�
鈥業 don鈥檛 give a shit, the threats are all used up, I just don鈥檛 give a shit.鈥�
鈥榊ou know what they say about his old man? Ruthless bastard they say. Cruel鈥︹€�
鈥業 just hope I鈥檝e hurt him, if he even exists.鈥�
鈥榃oulden wanna cross him merself,鈥� he muttered.
I wanted to say 鈥榶eah, well that鈥檚 where we differ鈥�, but the energy for it wasn鈥檛 there.
The fan rotated languidly, casting spidery shadows across the room. We sat in silence a
little longer. The barman broke first:
鈥楽o God鈥檚 dead?鈥�
鈥業f that鈥檚 who he was. That fucking kid lied all the time. I just hope it鈥檚 true this time.鈥�
The barman worked at one of his teeth with his tongue, uneasily:
鈥業t鈥檚 kindova big crime though, isn鈥檛 it? You know how it is, when one of the cops
goes down and everything鈥檚 dropped 鈥檛il they find the guy who did it. I mean, you鈥檙e not
just breaking a law, your breaking LAW.鈥�
I scraped my finger along my jeans, and suspended it over the bar, so that a thick clot
of blood fell down into my whisky, and dissolved. I smiled:
鈥楳aybe it鈥檚 a big crime,鈥� I mused vaguely 鈥榖ut maybe it鈥檚 nothing at all鈥︹€� 鈥樷€nd we
have killed him鈥� writes Nietzsche, but鈥攄estituted of community鈥擨 crave a little time
with him on my own.
In perfect communion I lick the dagger foamed with God鈥檚 blood.”
―
Nick Land,
The Thirst for Annihilation: Georges Bataille and Virulent Nihilism