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“New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist domination immediately. Listen closely, comrades, I've received word from General Soros and our partners in the UN--Operation Streisand is a go. Markos Moulitsas, you and your Daily Kos-controlled army of gay Mexican day laborers will join with Michael Moore's Prius tank division north of Branson, where you will seize the guns of everyone who doesn't blame America first, forcing them into the FEMA concentration camps. That's where ACORN and I will re-educate them as atheists and declare victory in the war on Christmas.”
― Bill Maher, The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

“Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.”
― Bill Maher

“That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.”
― Bill Maher

“Fake it. We know you can do that. We’ve seen your sex tape.”
― Bill Maher

“Politically Incorrect was the name of the show Bill Maher hosted in the 1990s. It's also an apt description of the man himself. Now host of -- HBO's hit show Real Time, I find Maher to be one of the sharpest observers of American politics and life in general out there. It doesn't mean I always agree with him. I always find him funny, though.”
― Fareed Zakaria

“John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book

“Bernie's particular brand of socialism is probably better described as 'grandparent envy.'

(Interview on Real Time with Bill Maher, 3/7/20)”
― Van Jones