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Covert Incest Quotes

Quotes tagged as "covert-incest" Showing 1-10 of 10
“Family dysfunction is progressive. It never stays the same. As it progresses, appropriate boundaries between parent and child may become nonexistent and communication becomes increasingly strained.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“An important difference between overt and covert incest is that, while the overt victim feels abused, the covert victim feels idealized and privileged. Yet underneath the thin mask of feeling special and privileged rests the same trauma of the overt victim: rage, anger, shame and guilt. The sense of exploitation resulting from being a parent's surrogate partner or spouse is buried behind a wall of illusion and denial. The adult covert incest victim remains stuck in a pattern of living aimed at keeping the special relationship going with the opposite-sex parent. It is a pattern of always trying to please Mommy and Daddy. In this way the adult continues to be idealized. A privileged and special position is maintained; the pain and suffering of a lost childhood denied. Separation never occurs and feelings of being trapped in the psychological marriage deepen. This interferes with the victim's capacity for healthy intimacy and sexuality.”
Kenneth M. Adams, Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners : Understanding Covert Incest

“Cooperation does not equal enjoyment.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“The boundary between caring and incestuous love is crossed when the relationship with the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than those of the child. As the deterioration in the marriage progresses, the dependency on the child grows and the opposite-sex parent's response to the child becomes increasingly characterized by desperation, jealousy and a disregard for personal boundaries. The child becomes an object to be manipulated and used so the parent can avoid the pain and reality of a troubled marriage.
The child feels used and trapped, the same feelings overt incest victims experience. Attempts at play, autonomy and friendship render the child guilt-ridden and lonely, never able to feel okay about his or her needs. Over time, the child becomes preoccupied with the parent's needs and feels protective and concerned. A psychological marriage between parent and child results. The child becomes the parent's surrogate spouse.”
Kenneth M. Adams, Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners : Understanding Covert Incest

“There's nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship when it services the needs and feelings of a parent rather than the child.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“As long as the abuse or neglect experienced in childhood remains buried within, we re-recreate our family in adult relationships.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“Assigning responsibility where it rightfully belongs is the first crucial step in gaining access to one's true feelings, needs, and wants.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“A son is a poor substitute for a mother.”
Joseph Stefano

“The fact that you are questioning your relationship with your parent means you are bringing about awareness and activating the process of change in yourself. By increasing your awareness, your own intuitive healing journey began. Trust in time for answers that are not clear yet, and love the questions themselves.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated

“All families function as a system in which one person's actions affect another and vice versa.”
Kenneth Adams, Silently Seduced, Revised & Updated