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“Stay I whisper to him. Stay in the car. Stay in this moment. But of course he never does.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“And it's impossible to say and even harder to feel.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“I tell myself relationships are hard work. No one is perfect. There's no such thing as happily ever after.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“My devotion to Autumn is engraved on my very being. I am in awe of her. I will sit in the stands and cheer her on in life as her most ardent admirer. I know I will always love her in the same way I know I'll always need oxygen.”
― Laura Nowlin, If Only I Had Told Her

“I know that you know I've been in love with you for forever. You don't have to pretend.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“Finny never tells anyone how he is feeling; you just have to know him well enough to understand when he is sad or scared. Today his expression does not tell me how he feels about me being over here. Either he couldn't care less, or he could be annoyed.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“I don't know if he's realized that I can't refuse him when he says my name like that.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“I could close my eyes and believe that we have never been apart. I could invent a new past to remember.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“I'm sorry for kissing you."
"Don't say that," I say. "Don't say you're sorry for that.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“It hurts for him to smile at me like that.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“Like, fairy-tale love? Cartoon character with hearts floating all around him? Or a movie montage with the best song? That's what you were to him. You were the biggest, most impossible dream for him.”
― Laura Nowlin, If Only I Had Told Her

“Are you sure you still would want to if you were sober?" I say.
Finny nods. "Yeah," he says again. "But I'm only telling you because I'm not.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“I never know what to do to make you happy, do I?"
"You make me happier than any other person ever has," I say but he still won't look at me.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“You never waste your time. That's why I have to do it for you.”
― John Knowles, A Separate Peace

“I am ten years old again, and I cannot imagine life without him.”
― Lauren Nowlin

“Sorry," I say. "You just look awful." He looks beautiful.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“At moments like this, it amazes me that the words don't come tumbling out of me.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“But you and I always remember things the same way.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“And then she kisses him. And I start reading.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“It was another momen when one of us could have said something, could have given us time, but neither of us did. We looked at each other until I couldn't bear it anymore.”
― Laura Nowlin, If He Had Been With Me

“And Finny smirks at me because he knows he has won.”
― Laura Nowlin

“Finn is never coming home again.

With that thought, all the never-agains come crashing down on me, and I'm frozen in place, standing on the grass he'll never complain about mowing. He'll never kick another soccer ball or play a new video game. Finn will never tell me another story or joke. He'll never study for another test, eat another burger, roll his eyes at me, or watch that new superhero movie we were looking forward to in December.

It's all done.

Finn's story is over.

His whole life.

That was it.

Not even nineteen years, and he'll never, ever do anything else ever again. Finn won't go off to college or celebrate his birthday. He won't get another haircut or get the oil changed in his car. He won't bite a hangnail on his thumb or buy another CD. Finn Smith has done everything he will ever do.

He won't get to be with Autumn.”
― Laura Nowlin, If Only I Had Told Her