Funny Humor Quotes
Quotes tagged as "funny-humor"
Showing 1-30 of 332

“When he woke, daylight was coming through the glass floor, and a boy's voice said, "Oh...You are in so much trouble.”
― The Mark of Athena
― The Mark of Athena

“Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.â€�
A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.
“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?”
― Supernaturally
A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.
“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?”
― Supernaturally

“Ooh, big day in town for our park warden,â€� I said. “They’re even making you wear the uniform.
Hayley’s mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it.�
Dad turned as red as his hair.
Mom’s laugh floated out from her studio. “Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone.”
― The Gathering
Hayley’s mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it.�
Dad turned as red as his hair.
Mom’s laugh floated out from her studio. “Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone.”
― The Gathering

“Look," I whisper to Cat, "Shooting star! That's good luck."
She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical.”
― Lucky Star
She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical.”
― Lucky Star
“Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.”
―
―

“Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before sheâ€�-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.”
― The Body Finder
― The Body Finder

“Well, good news, " Blitzen said. "I found the bag. Bad news...I found the bag.”
― The Hammer of Thor
― The Hammer of Thor

“The crowd quieted as a whole, but more than one creature cursed under his breath, "Not Regin."
A drunk hunched over the bar muttered, "That glowing one made me eat a transistor radio once.”
― Dark Needs at Night's Edge
A drunk hunched over the bar muttered, "That glowing one made me eat a transistor radio once.”
― Dark Needs at Night's Edge
“Seth rolled his eyes. “Because you’re such a ladies man.â€�
“I can be. I just have standards, is all. I’m very selective about who I choose to spend time with, whereas you’ll fuck anything that moves. And several things that don’t.”
― Like Coffee and Doughnuts
“I can be. I just have standards, is all. I’m very selective about who I choose to spend time with, whereas you’ll fuck anything that moves. And several things that don’t.”
― Like Coffee and Doughnuts

“Oh baby", Madoc groaned to the girl next to him. "Snickers ain't the only thing king sized.”
― Until You
― Until You

“Awwww, lame, we're not going to disneyworld. (said by the amazing talking dog, Total)”
― School's Out—Forever
― School's Out—Forever

“Elle hugged Amo’s side, then she leaned up as high as she could and kissed him on the cheek, barely making it. “Thanks.â€�
  Elle ran off into the classroom to go be with her best friend. She couldn’t be happier
  Nero couldn’t be more pissed. He didn’t understand how Amo could get a fucking thank you without asking. How he could get a kiss without asking. How come she never throws herself at me for a hug? I want a fucking hug.”
― Nero
  Elle ran off into the classroom to go be with her best friend. She couldn’t be happier
  Nero couldn’t be more pissed. He didn’t understand how Amo could get a fucking thank you without asking. How he could get a kiss without asking. How come she never throws herself at me for a hug? I want a fucking hug.”
― Nero

“I imbue this place with my essence, every stone and every drop. My visit will do wonders for the flowers."
Aly propped her chin on her hand. "So does manure," she observed.”
― Trickster's Queen
Aly propped her chin on her hand. "So does manure," she observed.”
― Trickster's Queen

“It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity.”
― Daddy-Long-Legs
― Daddy-Long-Legs

“Wait!" Conrad said. "Did someone... one of my enemies set this fire?"
Nix turned back with a grin. "Unless you'd pissed off some wirring-hungry nutrias, then I'm going with no.”
― Dark Needs at Night's Edge
Nix turned back with a grin. "Unless you'd pissed off some wirring-hungry nutrias, then I'm going with no.”
― Dark Needs at Night's Edge

“You are unnerving the hell out of me, Valkyrie."
"oh" she frowned, petting her bat fitfully " I must have misread the future for the past." she shrugged. "It happens.”
― MacRieve
"oh" she frowned, petting her bat fitfully " I must have misread the future for the past." she shrugged. "It happens.”
― MacRieve
“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”
―
―

“The look in his eyes turned a little wild. "That's the only reason I'm letting you go. If I had any choice--"
"You do," she said "Wed can all sit here and let him die. Or you can let Eve go on her wild-ass rescue mission and get herself killed. Or you can let sweet, calm, reasonable Claire go do some talking."
He shook his head. His long, elegant hands, which looked so at home wrapped around a guitar, closed into fists. "Guess that means there's no choice."
"Not really," Claire agreed. "I was kind of lying about that choice thing.”
― The Dead Girls' Dance
"You do," she said "Wed can all sit here and let him die. Or you can let Eve go on her wild-ass rescue mission and get herself killed. Or you can let sweet, calm, reasonable Claire go do some talking."
He shook his head. His long, elegant hands, which looked so at home wrapped around a guitar, closed into fists. "Guess that means there's no choice."
"Not really," Claire agreed. "I was kind of lying about that choice thing.”
― The Dead Girls' Dance

“I swam through the thick, smelly, greyish ocean of pressure toward nowhere.”
― The Taste of Despair
― The Taste of Despair

“Congratulations, Huntress. You're officially a murderer. Welcome to the club.”
― We Hunt the Flame
― We Hunt the Flame
“All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.”
―
―
“We were both chilled from the rain and as hungry as wolves. Over a fine meal of oysters, cappeletti alla cortigiana and orecchiette with tomatoes, anchovies and eggplant served with a crisp dry chablis, we discussed our plans, if not for immortality, at least for defying the eroding qualities of time.”
― Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell
― Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell
“Now all I have to worry about is what might crawl out of the darkness to get me in the night.â€�
“Yeah, well, I think there’s a box of doughnuts under the chair. You can toss those to distract it.”
― Like Coffee and Doughnuts
“Yeah, well, I think there’s a box of doughnuts under the chair. You can toss those to distract it.”
― Like Coffee and Doughnuts
“I had met Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalà i Domènech, Marquis of Dalà de Púbol, previously in Spain in the company of his pet anteater and a glamorous model called Mercedes Benz.”
― Magic Alex and the Secret History of Rock and Roll
― Magic Alex and the Secret History of Rock and Roll
“How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?”
―
―
All Quotes
|
My Quotes
|
Add A Quote
Browse By Tag
- Love Quotes 99.5k
- Life Quotes 77.5k
- Inspirational Quotes 74.5k
- Humor Quotes 44.5k
- Philosophy Quotes 30.5k
- Inspirational Quotes Quotes 27.5k
- God Quotes 26.5k
- Truth Quotes 24k
- Wisdom Quotes 24k
- Romance Quotes 23.5k
- Poetry Quotes 22.5k
- Life Lessons Quotes 20.5k
- Death Quotes 20.5k
- Happiness Quotes 19k
- Quotes Quotes 18.5k
- Hope Quotes 18k
- Faith Quotes 18k
- Inspiration Quotes 17k
- Spirituality Quotes 15.5k
- Religion Quotes 15k
- Motivational Quotes 15k
- Writing Quotes 15k
- Relationships Quotes 15k
- Life Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Love Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Success Quotes 13.5k
- Time Quotes 12.5k
- Motivation Quotes 12.5k
- Science Quotes 12k
- Motivational Quotes Quotes 11.5k