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“Every morning in the middle of nowhere, without electricity or anyone to impress, I'd take great care in picking out my outfit and hover in front of a business card-size mirror to apply my lip gloss and check my eyebrows. I also felt I had a strong case for bringing a little black dress on expeditions. Village parties spring up more often than you might expect, and despite never having been a Girl Scout, I like to be prepared.”
― Mireya Mayor, Pink Boots and a Machete: My Journey from NFL Cheerleader to National Geographic Explorer

“Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.”
― Jacob M. Appel, Scouting for the Reaper

“Asshole FBI agents that want to shoot Girl Scouts.”
― C.J. Roberts, Seduced in the Dark

“The Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become a pro-abortion feminist training corps. If the Girl Scouts of America can't get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere.”
― Hans Zeiger

“All my friends are bums. We all gather round our camp-fire (in a can) and sing songs of togetherness as we cuddle, to preserve our warmth...”
― Will Advise

“LAUREN: You know, Cecil, I was never a Girl Scout myself, but I can say I am thrilled to support your endeavor to help bring your niece...I'm sorry. What was her name again?
CECIL: I don't want to um -
LAUREN: Janice. It was Janice. I love the way you are taking part in Janice's life. You must really care for her.
CECIL: Yes. With all my heart. But -”
― Joseph Fink, The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe

“6. Sleep with a bra on every night in fear of your boobs dropping should you forget. Intermediate: Don't wear a bra in the daytime. Advanced: Forget bras and wear the Hear Comes Trouble T-shirt you got for your eighth birthday. Act offended if anyone stares at the new shape of the word Trouble. Wear the shirt until your mother asks what smells.”
― Tupelo Hassman, Girlchild

“The troop whose captain is (apparently) not managing it, but whose girls manage themselves under the Scout laws, is the ideal troop.”
― Girl Scouts of the U.S.A., The Girl Scouts Their History and Practice

“Regarding Girl Scout Camp survival skills: "For instance, if I see a snake, I should stand still or walk backwards slowly, never run. I am one hundred percent sure I will not do that. But now, while running as fast as I can, I will be thinking, I shouldn't be running.”
― Firoozeh Dumas, It Ain't So Awful, Falafel