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“On the day the Gjallerhorn is blown, it will wake the gods, no matter where they are, no matter how deeply they sleep.

Heimdall will blow Gjallerhorn only once, at the end of all things, Ragnarok.”
― Neil Gaiman, Norse Mythology

“Frankly, I don’t think of us as gods, either. I mean, once you’ve seen Thor passed out on the floor, or Odin in his bathrobe, yelling at Frigg because she used his toothbrush…it’s hard to see much divinity in my family”
― Rick Riordan

“Through the rainbow he was brave,
Although blood, he did not crave.
But Vikings, blood they should want.
Heads as trophies, they should flaunt.
But from behind, little Jimmy was run through,
A puddle of blood grew and grew.
So when Jimmy fell,
My tears they did swell.
And I cried.
And I cried.�

While there was scattered applause, most people just looked at him, confused. The poem was terrible. Heimdall knew it. The crowd knew it.”
― Dylan Callens, Operation Cosmic Teapot

“Hunding, stop skulking in the hallway and get in here.â€�
The bellhop poked his head around the doorway. “I wasn’t skulking,� he said defensively. “I was lingering.�
“Come in. I need you to do three things. One: Find a way to track Thor’s FitnessKnut. Report his whereabouts at all times.�
“Won’t he just circle the worlds in order?�
I made a face. “Thor’s sense of direction is terrible. His path will likely be erratic. Moving on. Two: Have squads of einherjar launch surprise attacks on the Bifrost. I want to know that Heimdall is on guard.�
“Very good, sir. And the third thing?�
“Inform the thanes that as of tomorrow, I will be unavailable for a while.� I transformed my appearance from a rugged one-eyed god of wisdom to a beautiful two-eyed woman clad in chain mail. “I will be living with my Valkyries to decide for myself which of them deserves to be captain.�
Hunding raised a hairy eyebrow. “An idea from Utgard-Loki, Lord Odin?�
“Wisdom can be gleaned from any source if one only looks hard enough.� I paused, thinking. “Let’s put that on a T-shirt. And, Hunding?�
“My lord?�
I transformed back into my true form. “Download cute baby goat videos to my phablet. I must learn what all the fuss is about.”
― Rick Riordan, 9 From the Nine Worlds

“I mounted the stairs to my pavilion and sank onto Hlidskjalf, the magic throne from which I can peer into the Nine Worlds. The seat cradled my posterior with its ermine-lined softness. I took a few deep breaths to focus my concentration, then turned to the worlds beyond.
I usually begin with a cursory look-see of my own realm, Asgard, then circle through the remaining eight: Midgard, realm of the humans; the elf kingdom of Alfheim; Vanaheim, the Vanir gods� domain; Jotunheim, land of the giants; Niflheim, the world of ice, fog, and mist; Helheim, realm of the dishonorable dead; Nidavellir, the gloomy world of the dwarves; and Muspellheim, home of the fire giants.
This time, I didn’t make it past Asgard. Because goats.
Specifically, Thor’s goats, Marvin and Otis. They were on the Bifrost, the radioactive Rainbow Bridge that connects Asgard to Midgard, wearing footy pajamas. But there was no sign of Thor, which was odd. He usually kept Marvin and Otis close. He killed and ate them every day, and they came back to life the next morning.
More disturbing was Heimdall, guardian of the Bifrost. He was hopping around on all fours like a deranged lunatic. “So here’s what I want you guys to do,� he said to Otis and Marvin between hops. “Cavort. Frolic. Frisk about. Okay?�
I parted the clouds. “Heimdall! What the Helheim is going on down there?�
“Oh, hey, Odin!� Heimdall’s helium-squeaky voice set my teeth on edge. He waved his phablet at me. “I’m making a cute baby goat video as my Snapchat story. Cute baby goat videos are huge in Midgard. Huge!� He spread his hands out wide to demonstrate.
“I’m not a baby!� Marvin snapped.
“I’m cute?� Otis wondered.
“Put that phablet away and return to your duties at once!�
According to prophecy, giants will one day storm across the Bifrost, a signal that Ragnarok is upon us. Heimdall’s job is to sound the alarm on his horn, Gjallar—a job he would not be able to perform if he were making Snapchat stories.
“Can I finish my cute baby goat video first?� Heimdall pleaded.
“N´Ç.â€�
“Aw.� He turned to Otis and Marvin. “I guess that’s a wrap, guys.�
“Finally,� Marvin said. “I’m going for a graze.� He hopped off the bridge and plummeted to almost certain death and next-day resurrection. Otis sighed something about the grass being greener on the other side, then jumped after him.
“Heimdall,� I said tightly, “need I remind you what could happen if even one jotun snuck into Asgard?�
Heimdall hung his head. “Apologetic face emoji.�
I sighed. “Yes, all right.”
― Rick Riordan, 9 From the Nine Worlds

“A movement in Hotel Valhalla’s garden caught my eye. I looked closer. And immediately wished I hadn’t.
Legs spraddled and wearing nothing but a pair of leather short-shorts, Thor was bending, twisting, and squat-farting. Strapped to his ankle was a device shaped like a valknut, a design of three interlocking triangles.
“What in the name of me is my son doing?� I asked in bewilderment.
“Who, Thor?� Heimdall looked over his shoulder. “He’s warming up for a jog through the Nine Worlds.�
“A jog. Through the Nine Worlds,� I repeated.
“Yep. If he logs ten million steps on his FitnessKnut—that thing around his ankle—he earns a cameo appearance on a Midgard television show. That’s why I had his goats. He said they’d slow him down.�
“That’s ridiculous!�
“Not really. Those goats aren’t exactly speedy. Unless they’re plummeting, that is.�
“Not what I meant. . . . Never mind.� I cupped my hands around my mouth. “Thor! Thor!�
Heimdall tapped his ears. “He’s listening to rock.�
“Rock ’n� roll?�
“No, just rock. Boulders, gravel, stones.”
― Rick Riordan