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“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!”
― Dave Barry

“My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.
My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.”
― Terry Pratchett

“There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,' returned the nephew. 'Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round—apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that—as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”
― Erma Bombeck

“The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“Christmas it seems to me is a necessary festival; we require a season when we can regret all the flaws in our human relationships: it is the feast of failure, sad but consoling.”
― Graham Greene, Travels with My Aunt

“On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.”
― david sedaris

“ "At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.”
― Robert Godden

“Thank you," he says.
"Thank who?"
"I don't know. You?"
"No, not me. Jesus."
"Thank you, Jesus?"
"Yes, Toph, Jesus died for your Christmas fun.”
― Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

“This, after all, was the month in which families began tightening and closing and sealing; from Thanksgiving to the New Year, everybody's world contracted, day by day, into the microcosmic single festive household, each with its own rituals and obsessions, rules and dreams. You didn't feel you could call people. They didn't feel they could phone you. How does one cry for help from these seasonal prisons?”
― Zadie Smith, On Beauty

“I do love the beginning of the summer hols,' said Julian. They always seem to stretch out ahead for ages and ages.'
'They go so nice and slowly at first,' said Anne, his little sister. 'Then they start to gallop.”
― Enid Blyton, Five Go Off in a Caravan

“All worries are less with wine.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“It is the apathetic person that sees the cause while the charitable person sees the need.”
― Shannon L. Alder, 300 Questions to Ask Your Parents Before It's Too Late [Paperback] Shannon L. Alder

“I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't. ”
― Craig Ferguson

“The nutcracker sits under the holiday tree, a guardian of childhood stories. Feed him walnuts and he will crack open a tale...”
― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

“You say exile, I say extended holiday.”
― Leigh Bardugo, King of Scars

“Every day is a gift. But some days are packaged better.”
― Sanhita Baruah

“Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.”
― Alan Bradley, I Am Half-Sick of Shadows

“And Siobhan says people go on holidays to see new things and relax, but it wouldn’t make me relaxed and you can see new things by looking at earth under a microscope or drawing the shape of the solid made when 3 circular rods of equal thickness intersect at right angles. And I think that there are so many things just in one house that it would take years to think about all of them properly. And also, a thing is interesting because of thinking about it and not because of it being new.”
― Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

“The Christmas tree, twinkling with lights, had a mountain of gifts piled up beneath it, like offerings to the great god of excess.”
― Tess Gerritsen, The Sinner

“Christmas time! That man must be a misanthrope indeed, in whose breast something like a jovial feeling is not roused—in whose mind some pleasant associations are not awakened—by the recurrence of Christmas. There are people who will tell you that Christmas is not to them what it used to be; that each succeeding Christmas has found some cherished hope, or happy prospect, of the year before, dimmed or passed away; that the present only serves to remind them of reduced circumstances and straitened incomes—of the feasts they once bestowed on hollow friends, and of the cold looks that meet them now, in adversity and misfortune. Never heed such dismal reminiscences. There are few men who have lived long enough in the world who cannot call up such thoughts any day of the year. Then do not select the merriest of the three hundred and sixty-five for your doleful recollections, but draw your chair nearer the blazing fire—fill the glass and send round the song—and if your room be smaller than it was a dozen years ago, or if your glass be filled with reeking punch, instead of sparkling wine, put a good face on the matter, and empty it offhand, and fill another, and troll off the old ditty you used to sing, and thank God it’s no worse.”
― Charles Dickens, Sketches by Boz Vol. I

“It came to him that he didn't like holidays. . . . They bore down on you. Each one always ended up feeling like an exam . . .”
― Lily King, The English Teacher

“The Winter solstice (you haven't lived if you haven't seen us running around in our skivvies, banging on pots and pans, shouting "Come back, sun! Goddammit, come back! Come back!”
― Joanna Russ, The Female Man

“Humanity has always conquered the flux of natural time by means of a rhythm between active and passive time-spans. To reconquer his holidays, to establish a new and better time schedule for life, has been the great endeavour of man ever since the days of Noah.”
― Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy, Out of Revolution: Autobiography of Western Man

“Inch by inch it's all a cinch, by the yard it's hard. Go for it -- no matter how slow or long the process seems at first.”
― Mardi Ballou

“In 1863, Abraham Lincoln declared two Thanksgivings. One was held in August. The second, held in November, was to give thanks for the nation's blessings. This fall celebration caught on and has been a tradition ever since.”
― Linda Bozzo, Corny Thanksgiving Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone

“No holidays, no country.”
― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

“The safest day at the Melody is St. Paddy's," adds another Mardi Gras girl. "All the cops are out vomiting at the parade.”
― Josh Alan Friedman, Tales of Times Square

“Did you know that at one time trick-or-treating was stopped? It's true. During World War II children were not allowed to trick or treat because there was a sugar shortage.”
― Linda Bozzo, Kooky Halloween Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone

“christmas ghosts visit
rearranging emotions
tears waltz among smiles”
― Susie Clevenger, Fragments: Haiku and Verse of Seasons