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“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel!”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

“Never promise to do the possible. Anyone could do the possible. You should promise to do the impossible, because sometimes the impossible was possible, if you could find the right way, and at least you could often extend the limits of the possible. And if you failed, well, it had been impossible.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“We can't just drop everything, sir!"
"Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand?”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Moist waited. Lord Vetinari could outstare a statue and make even a statue start to feel nervous and confess. Moist's counter was a fetching grin, which he knew annoyed Vetinari beyond measure, and there was absolute silence in the Oblong Office while blank stare and cheery grin battled it out for supremacy in some other dimension.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“I have to ask, sir...Why does it have to be done like this?"
Vetinari smiled. "Can you keep a secret, Mister Lipwig?"
"Oh, yes, sir. I've kept lots."
"Capital. And the point is, so can I. You do not need to know.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“A banker? Me?"
"Yes, Mr. Lipwig."
"But I don't know anything about running a bank!"
"Good. No preconceived ideas."
"I've robbed banks!"
"Capital! Just reverse your thinking," said Lord Vetinari, beaming. "The money should be on the inside.”
― Terry Pratchett, Making Money

“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Mister Lipwig, the world lives between those who say it cannot be done and those who say that it can. And in my experience, those who say that it can be done are usually telling the truth. It's just a matter of thinking creatively.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“That was an important rule of any game: always make it easy for people to give you money.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Looking out the window, Moist saw a small swarm of goblins leave the train and at first he thought, ha! Trust the buggers to run away, and then he mentally corrected himself: that was storybook thinking and with clearer eyesight and a bit of understanding he realized that the goblins were scrambling up to the delvers on the rocks and beating the shit out of them by diving into the multiple layers of dwarf clothing. The delvers discovered all too rapidly that trying to fight while a busy goblin was in your underwear was very bad for the concentration.”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“Making money is good, but there's no pockets in a shroud.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Doesn't this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb.”
― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

“Moist had seen the Falls before and that's just what they were...falls. Pretty good falls by the standard of falls, but once you'd looked at them for a few minutes undoubtedly someone would say; 'Where can we get a coffee around here?”
― Terry Pratchett, Raising Steam

“His hatred of everything was for the moment subsumed by the sheer joy of space. Hobson was right, you couldn’t steer him with a mallet, but at least he was headed in the right direction, which was away from his stable. Boris didn’t want to spend the days kicking the bricks out of his wall while waiting to throw the next bumptious idiot. He wanted to bite the horizon. He wanted to run.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Run away from any woman who pronounces 'what' with two Hs”
― Terry Pratchett