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“As I discussed in the previous chapter, attachment researchers have shown that our earliest caregivers don't only feed us, dress us, and comfort us when we are upset; they shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality. Our interactions with our caregivers convey what is safe and what is dangerous: whom we can count on and who will let us down; what we need to do to get our needs met. This information is embodied in the warp and woof of our brain circuitry and forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the world around us. These inner maps are remarkably stable across time.

This doesn‘t mean, however, that our maps can‘t be modified by experience. A deep love relationship, particularly during adolescence, when the brain once again goes through a period of exponential change, truly can transform us. So can the birth of a child, as our babies often teach us how to love. Adults who were abused or neglected as children can still learn the beauty of intimacy and mutual trust or have a deep spiritual experience that opens them to a larger universe. In contrast, previously uncontaminated childhood maps can become so distorted by an adult rape or assault that all roads are rerouted into terror or despair. These responses are not reasonable and therefore cannot be changed simply by reframing irrational beliefs.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

“The term dissociation is ordinarily used to describe the phenomenon of compartmentalization or fragmentation of mental contents. It does not ascribe any particular mechanism by which the dissociative process occurs. Does dissociation occur as a result of automatic, nonconscious processes, or are there other specific mechanisms by which it occurs? Especially in the context of describing amnesia, the term repression is widely used in connection with several different mechanisms. As it is commonly used, it often implies how individuals may block our memories of uncomfortable or conflictual experiences. If done consciously, the mechanism is more accurately called suppression, which results from actively trying not to think about negative experiences.”
― James A. Chu, Rebuilding Shattered Lives: Treating Complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders

“It’s one thing to deconstruct and analyze and condemn the institutions of patriarchy and their flaws.

It’s another one to feel their bruises on your skin, and their grasping hands pulling your hair and covering your mouth as you scream.”
― Alice Minium

“The worst part is that I want to turn this into a parable. I want to echo a rallying cry of inspiration that sings, Women, we are not alone; Women, these men do not defeat us; Women, these men do not define us; Women, I feel what you feel; Women, we, together, are strong, and for all the loud voices that said no or that didn’t have the freedom to but who still said 'please stop' or 'not right now' or 'I don’t know' or 'I don’t like that' which are all the same goddamn thing, to all the women who said no, you are not to blame for his hard, hungry hands, whether they came at you like raging fists or whether they gripped your face softly, at first, smiling at it and inviting you into the night, only later for you to meet the fingernails and full-weighted back of his hand to keep you there and press you down; to all the women who said no, you are not to blame; to all the women who feel ashamed, you are still the goddess and his hungry hands could not defile you more than mortals could defile a god; to all the women who feel sorry, you did not sin; to all the women who feel angry, I share your rage; to all the women who are too tired to feel rage, to all the women who feel empty, who feel blank, who feel Nothing, who feel small, I feel that most of all, too.”
― Alice Minium

“The worst part is that I want to turn this into a parable.

I want to echo a rallying cry of inspiration that sings,
Women, we are not alone; Women, these men do not defeat us; Women, these men do not define us; Women, I feel what you feel; Women, we, together, are strong,

and for all the loud voices that said no or that didn’t have the freedom to but who still said 'please stop' or 'not right now' or 'I don’t know' or 'I don’t like that' which are all the same goddamn thing,

to all the women who said no,
you are not to blame for his hard, hungry hands,
whether they came at you like raging fists or whether they gripped your face softly, at first,
smiling at it and inviting you into the night,
only later for you to meet the fingernails and full-weighted back of his hand to keep you there and press you down;

to all the women who said no, you are not to blame;

to all the women who feel ashamed, you are still the goddess and his hungry hands could not defile you more than mortals could defile a god;

to all the women who feel sorry, you did not sin;

to all the women who feel angry, I share your rage;

to all the women who are too tired to feel rage, to all the women who feel empty, who feel blank, who feel Nothing, who feel small, I feel that most of all, too.”
― Alice Minium

“She knew that the universe of women who had been raped looked identical to the universe of women. They could be mothers, teens, sex workers. They could live in mansions or in flophouses. They could be homeless or suffer from schizophrenia. They could be black or white or Asian. They could be passed out drunk or completely sober. And they could react to the crime in all kinds of ways. They could be hysterical. Or withdrawn. They could tell a friend, or they could tell no one. They might call the cops right away, or they might wait a week, a month, even years.”
― T. Christian Miller, A False Report: A True Story of Rape in America

“Assault survivors respond differently. There's no right or wrong way to react after being physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused. Some people don't discuss it. They prefer to not rehash it. Others may need to communicate their shock, pain, anger, and trauma. Either way, the assault can be so overwhelming that we may respond in three ways - fight, flight, or freeze.”
― Dana Arcuri, Soul Cry: Releasing & Healing the Wounds of Trauma

“I want to write a thinkpiece about what you did to me. I want to write a critical analysis about the way you put your hands to my throat, the way you threw me against the partition wall. I want to extract a dose of worldly wisdom for all women to sap the power from that pain and into abstraction so we can all live again; I want what you did to be a statistic, I want you to be a memory, I don’t want you to be those hands on my throat.”
― Alice Minium

“I will not speak of the woman,
round and heavy, like me,
who will give birth to a child she’ll be ashamed
to name.”
― Valentine Okolo, I Will Be Silent

“Since no photos of me were published, I was curious about what photos would accompany the articles; a silhouette of a girl looking out a window, a teardrop on a cheek, duct tape over her mouth. All of this was accurate, in terms of the solitude, the silencing. But the incredible thing is that a victim is also the smiling girl in a green apron making your coffee, she just handed you your change. She just taught a class of first-graders. She has her headphones in, tapping her foot on the subway. Victims are all around you.”
― Chanel Miller, Know My Name

“Cassian titled his head to the side at her silence. 'What is it?'

'Would you train non-Illyrian females?'

'I'm training you, aren't I?'

'I mean, would you consider...' She didn't know how to elegantly phrase it, not like silver-tongued Rhysand. 'The priestesses in the library. If I invited them to train with us here, where it's private and safe. Would you train them?'

Cassian blinked slowly. 'Yes. I mean, of course, but...' He winced. 'Nesta, many of the females in the library do not want to be- cannot stand to be- around males again.'

'Then we'll ask one of your female friends to join. Mor or anyone else you can think of.'

'The priestesses might not even be able to stomach having me present.'

'You'd never hurt anyone like that.'

His eyes softened slightly. 'It's not about that for them. It's about the fear- the trauma they bear. Even if they know I'd never do that to them, I might still drag up memories that are incredibly difficult for them to face.'

'You said this training would help me with my... problems. Perhaps it could help them. At the very least give them a reason to get outside for a bit.'

Cassian watched her for a long moment. Then he said, 'Whoever you can get up here with us, I'll gladly train. Mor's away, but I can ask Feyre-'

'Not Feyre,' Nesta hated the words. The way his back stiffened. She couldn't look at him as she said, 'I just...' How could she explain the tangle between her and her sister? The self-loathing that threatened to consume her every time she looked at her sister's face?

'All right,' Cassian repeated. 'Not Feyre. But I need to give her and Rhys a heads-up. You should probably ask Clotho for permission, too.' A warm hand clasped her shoulder and squeezed. 'I like this idea, Nes.' His hazel eyes shone bright. 'I like it a lot.'

And for some reason, the words meant everything.”
― Sarah J. Maas, A ​Court of Silver Flames

“You see, the thing about bullying is that it doesn't hold the same amount of power or strike the same amount of fear that the words murder and rape and suicide do. But sometimes it's worse. If I passed you on the street and told you that Sam had bullied me, you'd probably feel a bit sorry for me, maybe link it in your mind to your own experiences of bullying and never think about it again. But if I passed you on the street and told you that Sam had tried to rape me. You'd have a much stronger reaction. You'd probably feel really sorry for me. You'd probably ask me how I was doing and say how strong you think I am. Or you might blame me. You might say it was my fault for trusting someone who was obviously so evil. But you would have quite a powerful reaction. Why is that? Why doesn't the world bully cause the development of strong feelings the way the words rape and murder do? I really don't know. But it shouldn't be that way. True, sometimes bullying isn't that bad. Sometimes it is just children being stupid and a little bit mean. But bullying is never good.”
― Danielle Dunn, What it's Like to Keep Living