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“Do you know Donna arrested someone on Christmas Day?' Joyce tells Mervyn. 'I didn't know you could do that.
'What was it?' asks Ron. 'Reindeer rustling?'
'Soliciting a sexual act,' says Donna.
'At Christmas,' says Joyce, shaking her head. 'You'd think people would be too full.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“And I know what you're thinking, but, again, he's not my type. I wish that he was.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“I had invited him to mine - there was more than enough goose to go around - but he said he doesn't really buy into Christmas. It's too sentimental. It's worth noting, though, that when he came over to take Alan for a walk, he was wearing a Santa hat.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“I love you,' he says. Because what else is there to say?”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“Sure,' says Ron. 'She wants to kill me. Bake her some scones.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“If he doesn't ride in on a motorbike, I shall be very disappointed.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“I think Psychopaths wear lipstick too,' says Joyce.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“But from the moment he had pointed his gun at her they both knew it was love.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“I will cling, kicking and screaming, to every second life has in store for me. I want the full picture, for good or for ill.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“Elizabeth lies on the bed and wonders how a broken heart can beat so fast.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die

“He will not be out-machoed.”
― Richard Osman, The Last Devil to Die