Wurms Quotes
Quotes tagged as "wurms"
Showing 1-30 of 36

“Headstones:
What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"
"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."
"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”
―
What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!"
"This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide."
"OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”
―

“Thrice damned she howls like Cerberus to the night
Guarding virtues that lie like forgotten stains
On oaken floors that pave the willow lined paths of the past
That lead to a meadow filled with the detritus of wasted love
Rotting under a forgotten sun that no longer shines
In a heart gone cold therein lies the haste of anger.”
―
Guarding virtues that lie like forgotten stains
On oaken floors that pave the willow lined paths of the past
That lead to a meadow filled with the detritus of wasted love
Rotting under a forgotten sun that no longer shines
In a heart gone cold therein lies the haste of anger.”
―

“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".
I have often wondered if I was.”
―
I have often wondered if I was.”
―

“I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!”
―
―

“Bad answers for employment questions:
Employer: I see here that you worked for the state for three years. Why did you leave that job?
"My parole was granted”
―
Employer: I see here that you worked for the state for three years. Why did you leave that job?
"My parole was granted”
―

“I like to provide American humor for British soccer coaches when possible. During keeper practice I'll offer to stand behind the goal and shag a few balls!!”
―
―

“Sat in the Jacuzzi last night looking at the dark recesses of the nozzles. Remembering the story I wrote about spiders nesting there. Multifaceted eyes watching me watching them, almost like when you set two mirrors parallel to each other, accept this infinity ends up in some fuzzy creature鈥檚 belly. I have a nice picture of a Hobo spider in my backyard, venom dripping off one of those nasty fangs of theirs. Son of a bitch is looking at me and his mouth is watering waiting for me to stick my hand under the rock he鈥檚 nested in. I hate it when you spray a spider with insecticide and it curls up for a few minutes, then uncurls and staggers home. I鈥檓 like an arachnid cheap date that sucks!!
I just picture the spider staggering into the nest and the female spider asking, 鈥淚s that Raid I smell on you?鈥�
The spider just smiles (interesting thing to picture) and passes out.”
―
I just picture the spider staggering into the nest and the female spider asking, 鈥淚s that Raid I smell on you?鈥�
The spider just smiles (interesting thing to picture) and passes out.”
―

“I'll give you something to cry about!!
Hell, no need to get up I鈥檓 doing a good job of bawling my eyes out now. It could be that having one of the spokes from my ten speed pierce my thigh depressed me because now that tire will wobble.
鈥淗ave you learned your lesson?鈥�
鈥淐ry sooner because you鈥檒l stop quicker?鈥�
**SMACK**
鈥淐an I go for best three out of five?鈥�
** SMACK** **SMACK**
鈥淚鈥檓 only beating you because I care!!鈥�
鈥淟ucky me, I couldn鈥檛 have been raised by a heartless bitch?鈥�
**SMACK!!**
鈥淚 think I鈥檓 beginning to feel the love now鈥�”
―
Hell, no need to get up I鈥檓 doing a good job of bawling my eyes out now. It could be that having one of the spokes from my ten speed pierce my thigh depressed me because now that tire will wobble.
鈥淗ave you learned your lesson?鈥�
鈥淐ry sooner because you鈥檒l stop quicker?鈥�
**SMACK**
鈥淐an I go for best three out of five?鈥�
** SMACK** **SMACK**
鈥淚鈥檓 only beating you because I care!!鈥�
鈥淟ucky me, I couldn鈥檛 have been raised by a heartless bitch?鈥�
**SMACK!!**
鈥淚 think I鈥檓 beginning to feel the love now鈥�”
―

“I am open to comments, I accept with with all humility, or at least what I can muster at short notice.”
―
―

“At a long meeting a man next to me, British I hope, said, "Man, I'd kill for a fag about now" I chuckled when everyone moved away from him but me.
"Why did everyone do that?"
"They say that smoking can kill, and they're just being cautious"
"What about that fellow there smiling at me?"
"Don't know, maybe he's a chain smoker...”
―
"Why did everyone do that?"
"They say that smoking can kill, and they're just being cautious"
"What about that fellow there smiling at me?"
"Don't know, maybe he's a chain smoker...”
―

“Neil Leckman
I had a friend once that told me when we die and get to the pearly gates we are admitted based on our deeds.
1 good deed is a step forward
1 bad deed is two steps back.
By the time he's through with you I'm not sure you'll even be able to see the gates!!”
―
I had a friend once that told me when we die and get to the pearly gates we are admitted based on our deeds.
1 good deed is a step forward
1 bad deed is two steps back.
By the time he's through with you I'm not sure you'll even be able to see the gates!!”
―

“People do not realize just how much effort it takes to do a half ass job properly. A lot of time is spend in choosing which cheek will do the job best then whether that cheek is available on that day. Odds are 50/50 that half assed will be half of half assed or quarter assed, which doesn't have the same ring to it at all...
Mediocrity isn't so easy is it?”
―
Mediocrity isn't so easy is it?”
―

“My oldest son used to say his stomach had angries when he felt sick.
I always pictured an all night fight club for finger foods!!”
―
I always pictured an all night fight club for finger foods!!”
―

“Sometimes I wake up and wonder if those chalk outlines they have at murder scenes get together for holiday parties...”
―
―

“I'm not sure if it's possible, but if it is I have a life contract with a rubber glove clause. This means almost any social interaction will involve the placing on, or removal of rubber gloves. That 'snap' means the fun, whatever type it may be, has begun.
Doctors? OK, dentists? OK, clerk at Walmart? WHAT!!
The Clerk begins to pull on the gloves as other shoppers suddenly find other open lanes.
**SNAP**!”
―
Doctors? OK, dentists? OK, clerk at Walmart? WHAT!!
The Clerk begins to pull on the gloves as other shoppers suddenly find other open lanes.
**SNAP**!”
―
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