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--3.5 stars--

So I have good news, and I have bad news.

The good news is, this is my second time reading and I slightly enjoyed it more than the first time. The bad news is that the key word is "slightly", so not by much. Even though the last time I read this book was four years ago, the disappointment I felt then still lingers. I felt like I had to re-read this book because I felt like maybe I was missing something. Maybe the magic of this book that has literally everyone and their unborn grandchildren showering it with adoration and praise was totally lost on me and a second reading would help me find it.

Nope. For the life of me, as hard as I tried to find that magic, it just wasn't there.

Saying that I loved this book would be an outright lie. Saying that I disliked it also wouldn't be accurate, because I did like it. It was fine. But that is where the disappointment lies; after all the hype and love and awards this book received, I expected something incredible. What I got was just an okay story with okay characters. Maybe that's partly due to my high expectations, or maybe, to put it frankly and bluntly, I've just read better books than this.

I think for me it really came down to the writing style; I just couldn't click with it whatsoever. There were moments when it was beautiful, but for the most part it was just so.... simplistic. Stripped down, bare bones, I don't really know how to explain it. I just didn't feel like the author injected enough emotion into the writing, the dialogue especially, so as a result I couldn't connect to the characters or feel their feels. In my opinion, it just lacked that certain je ne sais quoi thing, that oomph that's needed for a book to have more of an emotional impact. Sometimes the dialogue even felt unrealistic and dream-like, and I know some people are into that, but I mostly prefer that in magical realism books, not contemporaries.

"Also there was a lot of this."
"This?"
"Yeah, this."
"Oh, this."
"Seriously, like, 70% of the book was this."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I can see how that can get annoying."
"Exactly, cause there was too much of it."
"Exactly."
"Yup."
"Mhm."
"Hang on, who are you?"
"Oh, I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"I'm just a figment of your imagination. I don't exist outside of this review."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Well. That's disturbing."
"I guess."
"Well, bye."
"Bye."

It just didn't work for me. I guess this is the author's signature style or something, and if you're into it then that's great, but I just wasn't clicking with it whatsoever, and I can't deny that it kind of ruined the experience for me. This story would have had a much bigger emotional punch for me had the writing been less casual and simple.

So yeah, I really hate that I couldn't love this book. It doesn't feel good at all. It feels like being at a party where everyone knows and likes each other while you're the odd one out. I also get this feeling that because this is one of the most beloved and cherished LGBTQ+ books out there that because I don't love it like everyone else does, that makes me a Fake Gay�� lol. If any of you reading this were also underwhelmed by this book, please comment and let me know I'm not alone in this. I need to know I'm not crazy, hahah.

Oh well. I guess I'll never really fully understand why this book is so meaningful and special to so many people. All I know is that I gave this book another chance like I said I would, and it still ended up disappointing me.