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Sasha's Reviews > Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God
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"God hates you," is the thesis of Jonathan Edward's 1741 masterpiece of Puritan dickery, "And I do too." Hard as you try not to be shitty, "your foot will slide in due time." So when you're hit by a truck later today, which is likely since "the arrows of death fly unseen at noon-day," you will burn in exquisite torture forever and ever, because you are the worst.
It's been slightly fashionable for writers like Sarah Vowell to try to redeem Puritans lately - to show their more tolerant side. I think that's a lost cause, and certainly Edwards isn't doing anything to help as he picks out all the grossest quotes from the Bible, like the one that imagines us crushed in "the wine press of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God" (19:15 of the gloriously Grand Guignolish Revelations). "He will crush you under his feet without mercy," Edwards elucidates, in case you weren't clear on the image here: "He will crush out your blood, and make it fly, and it shall be sprinkled on his garments, so as to stain all his raiment." That's God, just stomping gleefully around in his blood-spattered robe, poppin' dudes like bubble wrap.
So obviously this is terrific fun and highly recommended. Listen: your forefathers were assholes, and Jonathan Edwards is the high priest of fuck you. "It would be a wonder if some that are now present should not be in hell in a very short time," he predicts. "Nor will God then at all stay his rough wind."
Puritan God will fart in your face, friends. And it's gonna stink.
The God that holds you over the pit of hell much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked,says Edwards, describing his vision of God as a squeamish child. You can picture Him complaining about it later. "I was so dreadfully provoked!" He says. "This world is icky."
It's been slightly fashionable for writers like Sarah Vowell to try to redeem Puritans lately - to show their more tolerant side. I think that's a lost cause, and certainly Edwards isn't doing anything to help as he picks out all the grossest quotes from the Bible, like the one that imagines us crushed in "the wine press of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God" (19:15 of the gloriously Grand Guignolish Revelations). "He will crush you under his feet without mercy," Edwards elucidates, in case you weren't clear on the image here: "He will crush out your blood, and make it fly, and it shall be sprinkled on his garments, so as to stain all his raiment." That's God, just stomping gleefully around in his blood-spattered robe, poppin' dudes like bubble wrap.
So obviously this is terrific fun and highly recommended. Listen: your forefathers were assholes, and Jonathan Edwards is the high priest of fuck you. "It would be a wonder if some that are now present should not be in hell in a very short time," he predicts. "Nor will God then at all stay his rough wind."
Puritan God will fart in your face, friends. And it's gonna stink.
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Reading Progress
September 15, 2014
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Started Reading
September 15, 2014
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Finished Reading
September 16, 2014
– Shelved
September 16, 2014
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2014
September 16, 2014
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favorite-reviews
January 2, 2015
– Shelved as:
rth-lifetime
March 3, 2015
– Shelved as:
early-american-lit
Comments Showing 1-19 of 19 (19 new)
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Trollope is coming! So much to say.No, no one will ever convince me that God isn't fundamentally a silly idea (nice try though!), and especially not this God. This God is mean. (So is the Old Testament God, but I think Edwards even one ups that book.) And, listen, Edwards says clearly that nearly all people are shitty and are going to hell; he's talking directly to you when he warns his flock that even those who think they have their acts together probably don't, and will probably be tortured in Hell for eternity. This is a God who hates and condemns nearly everyone created in His image. So, I mean, good luck to you, but I'll probably see you in the bubble wrap room.
Glad you liked the review, though! Thanks for the kind words; I really appreciate them.
This thing is a masterpiece of fearsome imagery. Word is that when he originally gave this sermon, people were so terrified that their wails and cries of "What should we do?" drowned out Edwards entirely and he had to ask them to be quiet.
Really? Ha! That's awesome!
Exceptional review. Neatly sums up centuries of dicks making a god in their own image.
The irony is that god is supposed to be superior to human creatures, yet he’s faulty of having the worst of human outbursts � rage, jealousy, odium. I was under the impression that god is a spirit of pure love, and yet we are ordered to fear him � which makes sense, but it doesn’t equal out if you are taught both sides; God is wrathful being, but he still loves you, nonetheless you must, MUST fear him. But why would you fear something that loves you?
Right? God is by definition changing, because he's invented and therefore required to change with the times. When you look back on his history, it's confusing, because you try to apply a universal truth - God's text, God's rules - to the changing definition of humanness. When you start to look into the history of our concept of God - like this asshole and his squirmy, pissed-off God - you really realize how flimsy the whole concept is.
Great review. Well put.
Your reviews are the best, Alex! Thanks for another inimitable literary signpost and all the healthful chortles that go with it!
Why, thank you Rebecca!
Oh fuck off. This review is so good that not only would it now be impossible for me to try and review this book for myself, it feels like an act of embarrassing hubris to try and review any book.
Yes! Evil laugh! I will crush the blood out of your reviews and make it fly! The arrows of fart jokes fly unseen at noon-day!but seriously thank you; coming from the guy who wrote that review of Infinite Jest (had I seriously never clicked like on that one before?) that is high praise indeed.
Holy shit! This review just made my day. Thank you!
OMG, anOTHER great reviewer to (hopefully be allowed to) follow! Having read Warwick's review of "Infinite Jest" (which I also found, shall we simply say, lacking, but would never be able to elucidate my objections so tellingly) I am now additionally indebted to Alex for citing it via comment link. Thank you both!
Shakespeare said the same thing in two sentences: “As flies to wanton boys are we. They kill us for sport.�From memory, so forgive if I missed it!
Plus I would bet my life savings he was a self-loathing homosexual. Were that he may have been born in a more tolerant time
It's "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport," from Lear, so you were close - impressive, from memory! I had to look it up. Great line, and that's a super smart connection to make, those two lines about jerk gods who think we're bugs.Weird idea about Edwards being closeted, I have to say - I mean, is there any evidence anywhere at all for that? Not all weird religious freaks are secretly gay? And just as a casual aside, I don't think people say "homosexual" a whole lot these days; it's more often just "gay." I know, I know, trying to keep up with correct terminology is exhausting.
Oh my heart. This review. And this thread. 👍🏽😬🤣
"Puritan God will fart in your face, friends. And it's gonna stink." Well-said!