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spoiler alert: he's a vampire!!!

has anyone heard any press on this book yet?? i think that once the teens hear about it, the author will be quite successful. definite cinematic potential here.
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pop - there goes my meyer cherry! and with it my integrity.

this, sadly, isn't one of those twilight reviews that is going to get a zillion votes. it isn't going to be particularly insightful or funny or anything like that. it is mostly just a stunned reaction to a book that i vowed i would never read. and i know i am about to lose a ton of street cred, but you know what?? itsnotthatbad.

there.

i know, intellectually, that i shouldn't have enjoyed this book, but the feelings - they respond. and that is today's theme - the power of the emotions to o'erthrow zee brain. we will return to this theme later.


i have friends who love this book.

i have friends who hate this book.

i have friends who have never read this book, but still openly mock its fans and say things like "oh edward, you sparkle so gooood" - oh wait - no, that was me. oops.

i was totally apprehensive about starting this and possibly having to revise my previous and very vocal anti-twilight stance. i do not like admitting i am wrong. i am a very stubborn lady. and i figured, despite all my yelly-facing, i could honestly go either way.

but i did it. and it's really not at all bad. true - there are some moments that are terrible, particularly in its editing. "ballet bar", "dust moats", "had been belonged to me". OMFG SRSLY stephenie, you can't afford a copy editor?? and while we are at it - your name is also a typo. and there is so much chuckling and tooth grinding and fist balling (heh) and jaw clenching it seems like a ticcy nicolas cage movie at times. and the repetition of words for edward; "beautiful" and "heavenly" and "sublime" and "perfect" "perfect" "perfect". christmas wishlist: a thesaurus for stephenie.

but more than that.

from what i had heard - the big complaint about this book was bella. i was expecting some vapid, swoony, clumsy, clingy, weak little thing who was a terrible role model for the young misses and a blight upon the face of womynhood. but she is actually pretty badass. she drives a massive truck and is good at science and likes to read and hates the prom and is pretty fearless and would hook a finger in your eye and pop it out instead of running away if she felt threatened. i can get behind that.

so what are the complaints actually about?? her selfless devotion to edward; her willingness to sacrifice and surrender herself for a boy. a vampire. a much older man. a creature known for its powers of mesmerism and allure.

the ultimate bad boy.

well, duh!

this is precisely how it feels to be a 17-year-old girl deeply in love. it's fight, kill, or die for your beloved. see, i was one, so i can speak to the phenomenon firsthand. and from here on out, if it makes you feel more comfortable; if you have a problem with sweeping generalities, when i use the phrase "17-year-old-girl", feel free to substitute "karen t. brissette"

17-year-old girls are drawn to the bad boy

17-year-old girls in love do not think, they feel

17-year-old girls are dangerously self-absorbed (when "self" includes the beloved because they are one soul etc etc)

17-year-old girls do not give one shit about what kind of example they are setting for others of their gender

17-year-old girls are all too inclined to sacrifice,to become a martyr for their love, to believe in the magic of the world and the power of infatuation, and to risk it all to prolong that infatuation

17-year-old girls lack cynicism and have no real frame of reference yet or any extensive battle scars, or relationship track record; everything is here and now and the most important thing in the history of the world.

so, yeah, bella, i get you. you are not a victim. and your clumsiness (and mine) are very endearing.as is your commitment. i once walked miles barefoot on the summer blacktop to show my devotion to mine, he pulled equally stupid demonstrative stunts - there were blowups and reconciliations and third-party interventions and i became love and it was wonderful, mercurial, mad mad mad.

so,yeah, bells, i get your depth of feeling.

forget team edward
forget team jacob
i am resoundingly team bella.

and i was also told this was one of the most erotic novels of all time, by my most favorite professor, and i rolled my eyes at the time, thinking "why does everyone like this damn book so much??"but you know what?? she was right. this is totally virgin porn. straight up sweaty virgin porn.

and of course, all vampire lit is porn, where the bloodsucking stands in for the sex act etc etc. but what if both parties are acting against nature/their inclinations?

he is repressing his desire to drink her blood

she is repressing her desire to touch him

both feel the strain of resistance and every time they are close - there is amazing heightened tension.and it is - it is pretty damn hot.

hoofa.


so, yeah, like cottage cheese, i have come around in my thinking about this book. but i refuse to give this a star rating. let me hold on to that much of my pride.