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RISING UNEMPLOYMENT: The “DARK SIDE�� of the Rebel Victory at Yavin.



***The following is just one story of the economic devastation that resulted from the brutal and senseless attack by the so called rebels (called "domestic terrorists" by many) on the newly completed pork barrel government works project known as the Imperial Death Star...there are many, many more.***


To: Major Bigga Asshatian
Chief of Coruscant Internal Security

From: Chips O’Toole
Director FISEPRA (Former Imperial Stormtrooper Employment Placement and Relocation Agency)

Re: Employment Candidate Request

Dear Major Asshatian:

I have a candidate for the vacant file clerk position at Coruscant Internal Security (CIS) and I would greatly appreciate if you would consent to granting him an interview for the position. This is an unusual and tragic case, and one personally important to me, and so I would beg your indulgence while I provide a little background on the young man’s history.

The candidate is a 28 year old male, Imperial citizen with over 5 years experience in Security and Law Enforcement. Until recently, he also had a Class A3 Pilot’s rating, however this rating has been revoked for reasons that will become obvious during the course of this narrative. 2 years ago, the candidate was a member of Gamma Flight Squadron assigned to the Imperial Death Star Station when the ill-fated station was destroyed in the unprovoked attack by the Rebels in the Yavin system. He was one of only a handful to survive the attack as he was engaged in defensive flight operations against the Rebels at the time of the station’s destruction.

In addition to the tragic loss of life that occurred as a result of the loss of the Imperial Death Star, the event also cut short the bright and very promising career of this young man. The candidate had previously been on the fast track to advancement. In addition to his security experience and flight expertise, he had been part of the “Leaders of the Future�� Program sponsored by the Sith Foundation and, in an ironic twist of fate, was actually part of the committee responsible for naming the new Imperial station.


Unfortunately, all this came to a screeching halt after the “Yavin Incident.�� Following the attack and destruction of the Death Star, the candidate was diagnosed with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The condition left the candidate unable to perform his duties and suffering from a variety of PTSD-related symptoms, most notably night sweats and a chronic case of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).


Shortly after being diagnosed with IBS, he was removed from active duty and 18 months ago was granted early retirement. Initially, with the Empire providing medical coverage for all its former stormtroopers, the young man was able to take some time off and focus on recovering.


Unfortunately, as you know, severe cuts in medical coverage were required to fund the Empire’s increased military budget for both the “H�dzٳ��� engagement and the “Bounty Hunter Work Program�� (a project endorsed personally by Lord Vader). This led to the termination of Imperial medical coverage for all former Stormtroopers. With mounting medical bills and a growing addiction to both “death sticks�� and Twi’Lek dancing girls, the candidate soon found himself in dire financial straights. As a result, he was forced to seek out new employment to cover medical expenses and the legal fees incurred in connection with several paternity suits.

However, as a former Imperial stormtrooper, he was not eligible for union membership under the Galactic CBA and was forced to take a variety of low paying jobs without benefits of any kind. These jobs ranged from:

Nanny/Babysitter


and

Amateur Adult Film Star


As you might imagine, these jobs provided little help to the candidate and he continued his downward spiral into depression and increased addiction. He eventually “hit bottom�� 9 months ago when he was arrested for exposing himself to an Imperial peace officer and for assault (stemming from his urination on the aforementioned peace officer).


Despite the vehement protest of the arresting officer, the charges were eventually dropped after the intervention of a member of the Sith Foundation and the young man was sent to rehab and given treatment for his depression and his growing addictions. He has been clean for the last 6 months other than one “incident�� involving a female Hutt which both parties at this time swear was consentual....**shudder**...and appears to be back on track and ready to become a contributing member of the Empire.

Of course, his IBS remains chronic and so a desk job close to “facilities�� remains a must. However, apart from that the candidate is fully capable of handling most any administrative task you would see fit to give me.

Thank you for your anticipated understanding and cooperation with this request. You will be doing a wonderful service for both the candidate and his mother (my sister). In addition, you will also be of tremendous help to me personally because I really want the creepy fucker out of my house would like to see the young man able to support himself again.

Kindest regards,


Chips O’Toole
Director FISEPRA (Former Imperial Stormtrooper Employment Placement and Relocation Agency)