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What to say about this book? How can one even review someone’s personal experiences and life? I can’t. But I’ll talk a bit what this memoir meant to me on a personal note (my reviews almost never had anything from my “rl��) and why I think it’s important.

First, writing such a raw memoir requires courage. To lay yourself bare, to expose your secrets, your shameful thoughts transparently is brave. Roxanne Gay didn’t “beautify�� her life. Didn’t hide and wasn’t superficial like some famous people when writing their autobiographies. She told about it like it is. The good, the ugly, the embarrassing moments, the prideful ones�� well, all I can say is I’m glad I finally read it.

This book has been on my tbr list ever since it came out. I was hoping to read it (aka ebook/phys copy) but I am simply unable to read non-fiction for whatever reason. Eventually, I decided to listen to the audiobook. It's a combination of short chapters. I liked her style and Roxanne Gay is definitely a talented writer. I'm looking forward to reading Bad Feminist (which wasn't on my tbr before reading this book).

Honestly.. weight loss.. didn’t we all struggle with our body image at one point or another? I’m not obese but I don’t have the “ideal�� body that I want. I still feel nice when people say I’ve lost weight. But then feel guilty about it. Yet honestly, nowadays I feel tired of it. I'm caring less and less about those comments. Shouldn’t I be happy with my body just as it is? Shouldn’t I care less about people’s opinions? I certainly should but those “motivational speakers and influencers�� who advocate for this and have Victoria's Secret model's bodies are full of bullshit. Or have at least thin bodies. I live in a society where people comment the most about two things: marriage and weight. I swear I’ve had people saying I gained weight when I’ve lost some and vice versa.. Apparently, their eyes have scales and from one look they can tell all about it.

But the fact is: if you lose weight you’re becoming “prettier�� and more “desirable in their eyes��. And hence prettiness is associated for me since birth with a skinny body. Even if I obviously disagree when it comes to other people, I still apply those standards to myself.


I now see my old pictures when I was a teenager and think: did they seriously think that I was overweight? Society sucks. But I’m not confident at all because of my body image and yes I do think if I was thinner I’d be “more confident��, I wouldn’t want to hide in social gatherings with strange people. But for now, I want as little attention as possible.


Gay was gang raped at 12. She resorted to food to make herself less desirable. She built a literal fortress around her body. Ever since, she has tried to gain weight and received lots of negative talk about it from her family and friends. Didn’t stop there. She hid this secret and didn’t tell anyone. Even thought she deserved it. It's her journey about accepting herself and growing more comfortable in her body.

I hate myself. Or society tells me I am supposed to hate myself, so I guess this, at least, is something I am doing right.

Or, I should say, I hate my body. I hate my weakness at being unable to control my body. I hate how I feel in my body. I hate how people see my body. I hate how people stare at my body, treat my body, comment on my body. I hate equating my self-worth with the state of my body and how difficult it is to overcome this equation. I hate how hard it is to accept my human frailties. I hate that I am letting down so many women when I cannot embrace my body at any size.

But I also like myself, my personality, my weirdness, my sense of humor, my wild and deep romantic streak, how I love, how I write, my kindness and my mean streak. It is only now, in my forties, that I am able to admit that I like myself, even though I am nagged by this suspicion that I shouldn’t. For so long, I gave in to my self-loathing. I refused to allow myself the simple pleasure of accepting who I am and how I live and love and think and see the world. But then, I got older and I cared less about what other people think. I got older and realized I was exhausted by all my self-loathing and that I was hating myself, in part, because I assumed that’s what other people expected from me, as if my self-hatred was the price I needed to pay for living in an overweight body. [...]

I don’t want to change who I am. I want to change how I look. On my better days, when I feel up to the fight, I want to change how this world responds to how I look because intellectually I know my body is not the real problem.

On bad days, though, I forget how to separate my personality, the heart of who I am, from my body. I forget how to shield myself from the cruelties of the world.

This is a passage that I had to highlight reading this book because it hit home. I have only shared only a small portion of what she went through -and it wasn’t easy. I can only imagine all the stares she had to endure, the whispering, the criticism, and how much it hurt. Like Roxanne, I love food. I also think working out is wasting time (I’d rather read and no, listening to audiobooks at the gym isn’t as good as one might think). But I also know it’s necessary for my health.

I recommend this book to everyone. It’s good to see the world from other real people’s experiences and that's why I like to read non-fiction from time to time. It made me feel that I'm not alone. That if Gay is accepting herself, I certainly can too.

Something I didn’t like is her view of doctors, she made them look bad but they aren’t. Obesity is unhealthy especially if one isn’t working out. Also, the book got repetitive in some instances.