欧宝娱乐

my becoming-a-genius project, part 9!

for those of you who are mercifully new here, here's what that means:
i have decided to become a genius.

to accomplish this, i'm going to work my way through the collected stories of various authors, reading + reviewing 1 story every day until i get bored / lose every single follower / am struck down by a vengeful deity.

this is doubly helpful because this book has been LANGUISHING on my shelves for four years. and also because i love roald dahl's children's fiction and have been meaning to read his adult stuff.



but mostly the first one.

PROJECT 1: THE COMPLETE STORIES BY FLANNERY O'CONNOR
PROJECT 2: HER BODY AND OTHER PARTIES BY CARMEN MARIA MACHADO
PROJECT 3: 18 BEST STORIES BY EDGAR ALLAN POE
PROJECT 4: THE LOTTERY AND OTHER STORIES BY SHIRLEY JACKSON
PROJECT 5: HOW LONG 'TIL BLACK FUTURE MONTH? BY N.K. JEMISIN
PROJECT 6: THE SHORT STORIES OF OSCAR WILDE BY OSCAR WILDE
PROJECT 7: THE BLUE FAIRY BOOK BY ANDREW LANG
PROJECT 8: GRAND UNION: STORIES BY ZADIE SMITH
PROJECT 9: THE BEST OF ROALD DAHL BY ROALD DAHL

DAY 1: MADAME ROSETTE
this is reminding me that somehow in my childhood collection of Roald Dahl books, not only his memoir of his childhood, but his later military memoir was mixed in - so between reading about bookworms with low-grade superpowers and fantastical chocolate factories, i was also reading about pilots shooting down airplanes and killing people.
very normal.
this is also reminding me that i did enjoy that book. even if this is just a way worse version of it.
rating: 3

DAY 2: MAN FROM THE SOUTH
in order for this story to work, you have to be able to imagine that the majority of people value their own fingers less than a fancy rich person car. as someone who doesn't drive and doesn't appreciate cars, i can't tell whether this is absurd or whether i'm just better than everyone else.
rating: 2.5

DAY 3: THE SOUND MACHINE
very frightened of the idea that every time a flower is picked or a tree is chopped down or a vegetable is pulled it screams bloody murder.
going to delete that thought from my brain straightaway.
rating: 3

DAY 4: TASTE
not sure if i'm entering a reading slump or am simply busy, but it's actually day 6, so either way...let's play catch up!
this is a little predictable but also satisfying. sometimes even clich茅d stories are fun if they're the best possible version of the clich茅.
rating: 3.5

DAY 5: DIP IN THE POOL
this is a spooky one. roald dahl's brain contains multitudes.
rating: 4

DAY 6: SKIN
caught up! look at us go.
the title of this one is a lil creepy so i am predisposed to be frightened. just the word skin? no other words? come on.
upon finishing this: see above description of day 5.
rating: 3.5

DAY 7: EDWARD THE CONQUEROR
eek.
i loved this one.
rating: 4.5

DAY 8: LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER
i read this in an eighth-grade specialized english class (it was called Young Playwrights and we had to write a play by the end of it - i think i wrote mine in 3 days and it was possibly one of the worst pieces of writing ever to be taken seriously by a teacher). it was extremely badass at the time and we were also all like roald dahl? mr willy wonka? he wrote this?
the coolest thing to a group of fourteen year old nerds is a children's fiction writer also having a crazy crime murder situation happening on the side.
anyway, it's even better than i remember it being.
rating: 5

DAY 9: GALLOPING FOXLEY
immediately i'm thinking about Fantastic Mr. Fox, simultaneously the most underrated Roald Dahl book and the most underrated Wes Anderson movie. think i'm due for a reread/rewatch combo.
the other day i was talking with a friend about how working is way better remotely, and the only sad loss when it comes to office life is commuting. this made me feel that 10x harder.
then i kept reading and promptly didn't feel that way anymore.
rating: 3

DAY 10: THE WAY UP TO HEAVEN
i have a huge soft spot for the name "idlewild," due to reasons i will not disclose in order to avoid doxxing myself.
big girlboss energy on this one.
rating: 4.5

DAY 11: PARSON'S PLEASURE
so two stories ago there's a title with Fox in it and now there's one about a Mr. Boggis? you're killing me, Dahl.
i got so overly invested in this one, i can't even explain to you. might f*ck around and move to rural new england and be the kind of person who eats scones and goes antiquing now that i've discovered this.
rating: 4

DAY 12: THE LANDLADY
in the grand tradition of this genius project, i forgot about this on a saturday and am now playing catch up on a sunday.
a good old-fashioned creeper!
rating: 3.5

DAY 13: WILLIAM AND MARY
not for me, this one.
rating: 2

DAY 14: MRS. BIXBY AND THE COLONEL'S COAT
reading this story felt like when i found out that Midsommar is a gender-swapped retelling of Ari Aster's relationship problems.
i'm always on team woman.
rating: 2.5

DAY 15: ROYAL JELLY
BEE BABY BEE BABY BEE BABY
rating: 3

DAY 16: GEORGY PORGY
immediately i am thinking what a plague to be named georgy porgy. i do not know if that is someone's name but the mere thought of something even tangentially similar...debilitating.
there is something so creepy about adult men who are obsessed with their mothers. i don't even like thinking about it.
anyway, as i read more and more of this book i'm finding it difficult to believe roald dahl wasn't something of a misogynist, which is a pretty huge bummer.
rating: 2

DAY 17: GENESIS AND CATASTROPHE
ya girl got vaccine round 1 today! i am tired and grumpy and my arm kinda hurts and i don't want to do this, but at the same time, in a much more real way, i'm addicted to posting so i'm in.
this is the dumbest sh*t IMAGINABLE. it's about hitler's birth, and his parents are all praying for his survival and being like "pleaaaase god be merciful to him" but like...what is deep about that? genuinely? a whole lot of nothing.
like, whoa, once upon a time, hitler was born. mind blown. a thought that could only come from the intrepid mind of roald dahl.
like i said. i'm grumpy. but this would be laughable on a good day. "fraulein hitler your baby is born" give me a break
rating: 1

DAY 18: PIG
uh...this is a long one and i feel slumpy.
sounds like a problem for future me.
this actually isn't that long. it just fooled me by having chapters. (what kind of a short story has chapters??) anyway now i've sentenced myself to playing catch-up on a saturday, when usually i skip saturday altogether. my life is so hard.
this one is just completely bizarre. not scary. not particularly well-written or interesting. just weird.
rating: 2

DAY 19: THE VISITOR
now, this one...this one is long.
and it sucked. there is truly no more boring story than one about a sexist, racist white guy.
rating: 1

DAY 20: CLAUD'S DOG
this one is the longest of all AND is coming when i have the least enthusiasm for this project. almost impressive timing.
this was just very boring and also kind of gross and depressing. it's also not one story, it's like 5, and the first few have nothing at all to do with the last couple. i call that Unnecessary.
AND, to make matters worse, the last micro-short-story in this set is called The Champion of the World and it's literally a worse version of Danny, the Champion of the World. it's as if the collection itself set out to prove my opinion that roald dahl is just way better at children's fiction.
UGH. i'm grumpy as hell.
rating: 2

DAY 21: THE GREAT SWITCHEROO
folks...we are so close to being done with this.
the word "switcheroo" is fun and childlike and whimsical, so maybe this will be a good one.
...
okay, immediately no. any protagonist with an internal monologue that refers to a woman as "my gorgeous and juicy little jewel" is no friend of mine.
aaaand this whole thing is about sexual assault.
rating: 1

DAY 22: THE BOY WHO TALKED WITH ANIMALS
only three days after this one, y'all. mercy nears.
i actually liked this one quite a bit. it was nice.
rating: 4.5

DAY 23: THE HITCHHIKER
who would have ever expected how badly this project would go? devastating stuff. also how do i go from having 7 successes in a row to 2 failures in a row??? the universe is no fan of mine.
any story that feels like it could have been written for children, like this one, is a 10/10. but the trouble is roald dahl keeps feeling the need to flesh out these characters, and he does so by making them misogynistic racist creeps with nightmare brains.
not so in this one, though!
rating: 4

DAY 24: THE WONDERFUL STORY OF HENRY SUGAR
well, roald, it's our penultimate day together! if time doesn't go by so fast...and by fast i mean achingly, unrelentingly slow. (on a sidenote, can you imagine looking another human being in the eyes and calling them "roald"? seems cruel and unusual.)
i am extraordinarily excited for this one (and at this point in this project, mild enthusiasm would rank as extraordinary, but still) because another entry in my childhood collection of roald dahl books was entitled The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More. are you impressed i remember even the number of stories? because i am.
anyway, i recollect this as being a delight, and therefore i'm not even that mad that this "short story" is 52 pages long.
great news: i still love this.
rating: 5

DAY 25: THE BOOKSELLER
everyone knows that i, like every reader, am ready to love every book about books, so i feel optimistic about this.
also i'm bound to feel optimistic, because this project is DONE TODAY.
or this installment of it. don't think you're getting off that easy.
aaaaand nope. nope nope nope.
rating: 1.5

OVERALL
there are a few good ones in here - or okay more than a few - but overall roald dahl's fiction when it isn't for children is filled with creeps and grossos and sex criminals and racists and more often than not all of them combined.
what a bummer.
rating: 2.5