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Caroline's Reviews > How to Stop Worrying
How to Stop Worrying
by
by
A few months ago I passed a woman in the street wearing a tee shirt with the message "I AM A WARRIOR NOT A WORRIER". I looked at her with some envy, being far more prone to worrying than warrior-ing. Most of the time it doesn't matter, as my life is on an even keel and except for the grand issues facing us all, there is not much to worry about on a personal level. But recently various issues have interfered with my peace of mind, (I'm planning a big move, my beloved cat has been unwell, and so forth....) so when I happened to see this book at the library I decided to give it a go.
I am glad I did. The author is well-qualified to write on the subject. He has lectured in neuroscience and clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry, and while he specialises in helping people with OCD, he obviously has an excellent understanding of more everyday worries as well. The big message that I took from the book is that the best way of stopping most worry is to reach a decision about how to tackle the problem causing the worry, and then execute a plan of action. So what if you make the wrong decision? Well you can always change your tactics and try something else. The important thing is to make that decision and do something. Many of us either bury our heads in the sand and hope the problem will somehow get better by itself, or we wobble and waiver about what we need to do.
Many of you reading the above will think "well that is very simplistic and obvious", but Tallis's skill lies in the fact he is massively encouraging. He uses cognitive behaviour therapy techniques to help us get going and stick to our commitments. Certainly after reading the book I became a lot more proactive about several of the issues facing me, and that was most helpful.
He also tackles worry about problems that are not solvable. Things like ageing, chronic illness and environmental issues. This is covered in quite a short chapter. Basically in these instances all we can do is change our responses to these problems, eg seeking an attitude of "peaceful resignation" rather than outright fear. He says there is much to be said for denial, (as a positive way of dealing with inescapable worries) but obviously this is easier for some people than others. He also says it helps to talk with friends about major things that upset us.
I found this chapter unsatisfactory. I think worrying about major 'unsolvable' issues can be a real blight in one's life, and I would have liked much more discussion about the subject, and how people have dealt with these issues. He also failed to mention humour, which I think is an invaluable defence against life's insurmountable problems.
All in all though I found this book a good read. I end with my usual notes..... (view spoiler)
I am glad I did. The author is well-qualified to write on the subject. He has lectured in neuroscience and clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry, and while he specialises in helping people with OCD, he obviously has an excellent understanding of more everyday worries as well. The big message that I took from the book is that the best way of stopping most worry is to reach a decision about how to tackle the problem causing the worry, and then execute a plan of action. So what if you make the wrong decision? Well you can always change your tactics and try something else. The important thing is to make that decision and do something. Many of us either bury our heads in the sand and hope the problem will somehow get better by itself, or we wobble and waiver about what we need to do.
Many of you reading the above will think "well that is very simplistic and obvious", but Tallis's skill lies in the fact he is massively encouraging. He uses cognitive behaviour therapy techniques to help us get going and stick to our commitments. Certainly after reading the book I became a lot more proactive about several of the issues facing me, and that was most helpful.
He also tackles worry about problems that are not solvable. Things like ageing, chronic illness and environmental issues. This is covered in quite a short chapter. Basically in these instances all we can do is change our responses to these problems, eg seeking an attitude of "peaceful resignation" rather than outright fear. He says there is much to be said for denial, (as a positive way of dealing with inescapable worries) but obviously this is easier for some people than others. He also says it helps to talk with friends about major things that upset us.
I found this chapter unsatisfactory. I think worrying about major 'unsolvable' issues can be a real blight in one's life, and I would have liked much more discussion about the subject, and how people have dealt with these issues. He also failed to mention humour, which I think is an invaluable defence against life's insurmountable problems.
All in all though I found this book a good read. I end with my usual notes..... (view spoiler)
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January 9, 2018
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January 10, 2018
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Canadian wrote: "Caroline, so sorry to hear your beloved cat is unwell. I have found that the illness and decline of my animal companions are among the hardest things to bear. We have to watch and infer about their..."Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness, I do appreciate your words about how our animals' wellbeing affects us - that is so true. Thank you also for your interesting comments about worry. I liked the Dalai Lama's advice! I think this book is all about analysing worries, uncovering problems....and then fixing them.
I like the idea of the Dalai Lama's words as a mantra.
I too have benefited from the few readings I have done about the Stoics. Although perhaps you have to be quite tough to utilise their philosophy.
I think my favourite point (from my notes about the book) was the need for brainstorming, and how it helps a "yes, but" attitude. I'm dreadful at saying "yes, but..." (Sigh... It takes me at least 24 hours to wrench open my mind and accept fresh ideas.)
Caroline wrote: "Canadian wrote: "Caroline, so sorry to hear your beloved cat is unwell. I have found that the illness and decline of my animal companions are among the hardest things to bear. We have to watch and ..." Good point about needing to be fairly tough to begin with for the Stoics to be useful! At least you know about the 24 hours that need to elapse before a new idea can make landing!
"He also failed to mention humour, which I think is an invaluable defence against life's insurmountable problems." You are absolutely right, Caroline. The cover of the book is funny though:)
Greta wrote: ""He also failed to mention humour, which I think is an invaluable defence against life's insurmountable problems." You are absolutely right, Caroline. The cover of the book is funny though:)"I think there is something about having a good laugh, that dispels all woes like nothing else. We have very good comedians here on British television � � �
Very GOOD!!!Particularly the part of taking a decision - whether good or not so good (better than procrastinating).
And Humor as well
I watch a lot of movies - and even if it is a serious drama - its so refreshing when bits of maybe even dark comedy occur
Mikey B. wrote: "Very GOOD!!!Particularly the part of taking a decision - whether good or not so good (better than procrastinating).
And Humor as well
I watch a lot of movies - and even if it is a serious drama -..."
Wow yes....procrastination is my downfall - though I have been better since reading the book. It's is far better to bite the bullet and make a decision/take action.
I can worry and warry at the same time!the best way of stopping most worry is to reach a decision about how to tackle the problem causing the worry, and then execute a plan of action. So what if you make the wrong decision? Well you can always change your tactics and try something else.
Except in the cases when, having made a choice, there is no option to go back and try something else.
Interesting that he seems to posit "worriers" vs "non-worriers" -- I don't think I know anyone who doesn't worry at all. I would have supposed this to be a scale rather than an either/or.
Miriam wrote: "I can worry and warry at the same time!the best way of stopping most worry is to reach a decision about how to tackle the problem causing the worry, and then execute a plan of action. So what if..."
Yes, there is always the issue of major choices - but people do tackle them differently. Some people waiver backwards and forwards forever, looking at the pluses and minuses, and just teetering, whilst others dive in head first. I have a friend who teeters, and her life has been unhappy for about a year whilst she has researched and researched (and researched!) her options, never feeling she could reach a decision. I sent her extracts from this book and she found it helpful..and she has now made a decision. I found it helpful too.
As you suggest I think there is a continuum of worrying. I have a cousin who is practically bullet proof when it comes to worrying, whilst I know other people who worry a lot - sometimes about specific issues, like their health (& often with good reason.)
LOVED the music. Thank you!
Ian wrote: "Great review Caroline."Thank you!
I have a good friend who was recently diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Anxiety disorder is like worry on steroids. Cognitive Behavioral Theory is key. The power of self talk is amazing. I've never had something as severe as GAD, but I used to worry a lot more than I do now. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I learned to use CBT. When I start to worry, I stop myself. I literally say to myself that this isn't helpful an counterproductive. I'm not saying I never worry, but I've gotten pretty good about keeping the worry in check.
Shaun wrote: "I have a good friend who was recently diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Anxiety disorder is like worry on steroids. Cognitive Behavioral Theory is key. The power of self ta..."Your poor friend - I can think of few things worse than a mix of general anxiety disorder and panic attacks....as you say....worrying on steroids.
How fantastic to hear that you have had positive results with CBT, and putting the brakes on worrying. It encourages me to pursue that avenue. (I am anyway a fan of CBT...) For now I tend to be rather juvenile. When I am really driving myself batty with worry I take a *day out*, and spend it cuddled up under a duvet watching rubbish on television. This is followed by night's sleep, and things usually look better the next day. We are talking about me doing this maybe twice a year - it's not a weekly occurrence! I would love though to be able to use CBT as a way of changing my ruminating about worrying issues.
It sounds like taking action is key to dealing with certain problems, feeling as though one is committed to a course. As for the niggling worries, the more amorphous fears, I really like the Dalai Lama’s advice:
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.�
It is hard advice to follow, but simply repeating it and focusing on the breath has been helpful to me.
I am interested in what the Stoics say about such matters, though, and need to read more.
As usual, I loved your list of key points. I found the one about making sure we aren’t doing something because someone else wants us to a particularly resonant point for me.