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Sound the alarm! Unpopular opinion to follow!

To put it simply: verbose and wearying. Zafón seems to have swallowed a thesaurus and proceeds to regurgitate synonyms with unrelenting force. In The Shadow of the Wind, a man does not simply urinate, he "discharge[s] his generous, steamy cascade."

The Shadow of the Wind is an ode to books that's not so much Gothic literature as it's a telenovela, a trait that's only exacerbated by Jonathan Davis' melodramatic delivery as narrator.

Female characters fall into one of two categories: either beautiful and voluptuous, with tremulous breasts, shapely calves, and a body suitable for impregnating, or unattractive old women whose haggard appearance deems them unsuitable for bedding. Every sex scene is so awkward, I found myself repeatedly wondering if this book was penned by a virgin.

Death is a constant threat - at every turn, for every character - until it bears no gravity.

Zafón: *mentions death*
Me: *rolls eyes, yawns*

The opening pages had me worried, because of one particular detail - one detail - that told me this would be a book I wasn't liable to get along with. I should have heeded my intuition and saved myself eighteen grueling hours of slogging through this tiresome audiobook. The opening scene that planted the first seed of concern:

On that June morning, I woke up screaming at first light. My heart was pounding in my chest as if it feared that my soul wanted to carve its way out and run off down the stairs. My father hurried into my room and he held me in his arms, trying to calm me.

[. . .] We looked at each other in the half-light, searching for words that didn't exist. For the first time, I realized my father was growing old. He stood up and drew the curtains to let in the pale glint of dawn.

"Come, Daniel, get dressed. I want to show you something," he said.

"Now? At five o'clock in the morning?"

I ask you, when has a child ever been aware of, or concerned with, what time in the morning they've woken their parents? That line reeks of contrived drama.

I wanted to like this book, truly, but it wasn't the right fit for me. Between the bloated writing, sexism, and exhausting abundance of drama, reaching the final page was an absolute chore.