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The Count Of Monte Cristo is the story that teaches us an important moral lesson:
REVENGE IS FUN!



I've said it before and I'll say it again, audiobooks are the only way to go if you're not the sort of reader who likes to read all the shitty filler and crunchy dialogue that normally comes with classic books.
For those of you who think that classics are so much better than anything written in your own lifetime, please don't take offense. I'm only talking to the peasants out there (like me) who prefer action movies with big explosions to Oscar-winning stories about...well, whatever Oscar-winning stories are about.



Ok, so I listened to the unabridged version by Blackstone Audiobooks.
Narrator: John Lee <-- this guy did a FABULOUS job.
Duration: 47:17:57 <--holy fuck!



Another thing to keep in mind is that this book was serialized in a newspaper. This means, instead of getting the equivalent of a 2 hour movie, you're getting the equivalent of a tv show that ran for 9 seasons or something. Count of MC was the soap opera of its day.
So yes. There's a hefty amount of shit in here that could have easily been chopped out.



Also, if you've seen the 2002 movie with Jim Caviezel, Guy Pearce, and young Superman? Well, then the actual story will come as quite a surprise to you. <--except for the names and general ideas, zero things are the same. Seriously. Both were good but I kind of prefer the movie ending if I'm being quite honest. Still, the book had soooo much more delicious scheming, backstabbing, and grifter-style revenge than the movie did.
So. Yeah, I guess I'm torn...



The gist is that this super nice guy, Edmond Dantès, starts off with everything going for him - true love, a wonderful father, and a job promotion. Everything is coming up roses for Dantès.
But then!
He gets set up by a few petty people who each want various things that are his. The poor dude gets well and truly fucked by random bad luck...and a dirty prosecutor.



Anyway, in a truly over-the-top but fun way, Ed becomes an expert in everything to exact his vengeance on everyone who wronged him. Of course, he goes a bit too far and loses himself, then gets pulled back and finds himself again.
But it's all the shit in between that's so much fun to see.
In the end, it all gets wrapped up with a big bow by a beautiful 19 year old ex-princess.



Like I mentioned, it's an incredibly unrealistic story that unfolds in the wackiest ways possible.
I was hearing the theme music to Mission Impossible when he was snatching off disguises, doling out harmless advice about untraceable poisons, and shooting a revolver like he was a sniper with a red dot sight. <--I laughed so hard at the thought of him shooting the numbers on playing cards with such precision that he could turn one number into another. Get the fuck out of here with that nonsense, Dumas.
And yet.
It was still awesome. And so much fun to listen to!



Yeah, there's stuff in here that's just a product of its time and doesn't make the transition to modern-day very well, but on the whole, it holds up so much better than a lot of the other classics you might be tempted to read. Toward the end, I was giving the universal wrap it up sign to Alexandre, but I'm pretty sure he didn't see me because he dragged the conclusion out a lot longer than needed.



Even so, I'm giving it 5 stars for not boring the shit out of me.
P.S. - I've heard tell there's an abridged version of this story out there. If audiobooks aren't your jam, then that could be a viable option if you are interested in reading this but don't have the patience to deal with all the crusty bits that don't need to be there.