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Zero vi Britannia's Reviews > Halo
Halo (Halo, #1)
by
by
Zero vi Britannia's review
bookshelves: bad-first-impression, did-this-book-even-have-an-editor, how-did-this-get-published, if-i-could-turn-back-time, mythology-what-mythology, they-publish-anything-don-t-they, this-is-going-to-hurt, this-will-not-be-pretty, useless-lead-character, waste-of-trees, slow-and-painful, it-gave-me-blue-brain, why-am-i-still-unpublished, couldn-t-finish, i-read-this-so-you-dont-have-to, bad-romance
Feb 01, 2012
bookshelves: bad-first-impression, did-this-book-even-have-an-editor, how-did-this-get-published, if-i-could-turn-back-time, mythology-what-mythology, they-publish-anything-don-t-they, this-is-going-to-hurt, this-will-not-be-pretty, useless-lead-character, waste-of-trees, slow-and-painful, it-gave-me-blue-brain, why-am-i-still-unpublished, couldn-t-finish, i-read-this-so-you-dont-have-to, bad-romance
Everything I'm reading now
Is filled with stupid crap
And it was the same with Halo
I fell for Utter-shitto's trap
Everything that you said was true
This book was such a waste of time
After getting through with Halo
I want to commit a crime
Reading Halo. Halo. Halo.
Reading Halo. Halo. Halooooooo
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
++++
It's sad that a book can be so bad that it doesn't even piss you off. I'm sorry, but I cannot take this book seriously. I gave it one hundred pages. More details later.
EDIT: REVIEW TIME!!
I should begin by saying that I did not finish this book. It was impossible for me to finish this book. Why?
Lack of Effort
As anyone who has read this book will notice, Alexandra Utter-shitto did not even attempt to try. She actually puts in contradictory information throughout.
Ex: The angels are supposed to be unfamiliar with life on Earth. However, it is revealed that both Gabriel and Ivy have been here before. Also, they didn't know that humans needed to eat. However, we later learn that they did various other types of research (Films and the like) Now, how did that get past the editors?
Even I noticed this! And I used to like TMI and HoN. I weep for my poor 16-year-old self.
Bethany
This girl is incompetent. She always needs someone to help her. Even her human boyfriend. That's right: A human has to help an angel. She forgets her book. Xavier lets her use his and tells the teacher that he forgot his. She gets drunk at a partay! (Utter-shitto's did it! Not me) Xavier comes to her rescue.
Plot
Where was it? We readers are told that the Agents of Darkness(view spoiler) want to do something terrible to the world and the angels have to save it. One hundred pages in and Utter-shitto still doesn't delve any deeper. Instead, we are treated to school, Xavier, upcoming prom, Xavier, partays!, Xavier Woods, Mr. Xavier Woods, X Woody, and more Xavier.
Ivy
She has no personality. As I was reading the scenes she had I was always wondering why was she even there? Then again, as long as it means less time is devoted to how perfect Ed-I mean Xavier is, Ivy is okay (not really).
The Archangel Gabriel
Pop Quiz: If you are writing a book about angels who have to save the world, and you include the angel who is famous for bring news of John the Baptist and Jesus' births, where would you send him?
A) War-torn Middle East
B) Posh first-world town.
C) Darfur
If you answered "B" then I suggest that you give up writing. Kidding.(view spoiler)
And finally:
Angel Names
As any of you with a passing familiarity with angels should know, angels have a set pattern with their names: "-el" or "-iel" (Except for Metatron but...)
Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from? Unless they're short for Iviel or Bethaniel, they don't belong!
Hey, Utter-shitto, do you know why this is so? Hmmm? It's because "el" means God in Hebrew. These angels have names that tie them to God, and you've just stomped all over that! I hope you're happy.
So concludes my review of Halo, a book so bad it's funny. But honestly, I don't blame Utter-shitto. I blame the editors, publishers, her parents, her teachers, and Twilight.
Yes, Twilight! Because of that book, we now have to deal with copy kneazles that are even worse than the original.
That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get. The only upside to this was that I checked this book out from the library and didn't have to pay for it (not even in fines!)
Is filled with stupid crap
And it was the same with Halo
I fell for Utter-shitto's trap
Everything that you said was true
This book was such a waste of time
After getting through with Halo
I want to commit a crime
Reading Halo. Halo. Halo.
Reading Halo. Halo. Halooooooo
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
++++
It's sad that a book can be so bad that it doesn't even piss you off. I'm sorry, but I cannot take this book seriously. I gave it one hundred pages. More details later.
EDIT: REVIEW TIME!!
I should begin by saying that I did not finish this book. It was impossible for me to finish this book. Why?
Lack of Effort
As anyone who has read this book will notice, Alexandra Utter-shitto did not even attempt to try. She actually puts in contradictory information throughout.
Ex: The angels are supposed to be unfamiliar with life on Earth. However, it is revealed that both Gabriel and Ivy have been here before. Also, they didn't know that humans needed to eat. However, we later learn that they did various other types of research (Films and the like) Now, how did that get past the editors?
Even I noticed this! And I used to like TMI and HoN. I weep for my poor 16-year-old self.
Bethany
This girl is incompetent. She always needs someone to help her. Even her human boyfriend. That's right: A human has to help an angel. She forgets her book. Xavier lets her use his and tells the teacher that he forgot his. She gets drunk at a partay! (Utter-shitto's did it! Not me) Xavier comes to her rescue.
Plot
Where was it? We readers are told that the Agents of Darkness(view spoiler) want to do something terrible to the world and the angels have to save it. One hundred pages in and Utter-shitto still doesn't delve any deeper. Instead, we are treated to school, Xavier, upcoming prom, Xavier, partays!, Xavier Woods, Mr. Xavier Woods, X Woody, and more Xavier.
Ivy
She has no personality. As I was reading the scenes she had I was always wondering why was she even there? Then again, as long as it means less time is devoted to how perfect Ed-I mean Xavier is, Ivy is okay (not really).
The Archangel Gabriel
Pop Quiz: If you are writing a book about angels who have to save the world, and you include the angel who is famous for bring news of John the Baptist and Jesus' births, where would you send him?
A) War-torn Middle East
B) Posh first-world town.
C) Darfur
If you answered "B" then I suggest that you give up writing. Kidding.(view spoiler)
And finally:
Angel Names
As any of you with a passing familiarity with angels should know, angels have a set pattern with their names: "-el" or "-iel" (Except for Metatron but...)
Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from? Unless they're short for Iviel or Bethaniel, they don't belong!
Hey, Utter-shitto, do you know why this is so? Hmmm? It's because "el" means God in Hebrew. These angels have names that tie them to God, and you've just stomped all over that! I hope you're happy.
So concludes my review of Halo, a book so bad it's funny. But honestly, I don't blame Utter-shitto. I blame the editors, publishers, her parents, her teachers, and Twilight.
Yes, Twilight! Because of that book, we now have to deal with copy kneazles that are even worse than the original.
That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get. The only upside to this was that I checked this book out from the library and didn't have to pay for it (not even in fines!)
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Reading Progress
February 1, 2012
– Shelved
February 2, 2012
–
Started Reading
February 20, 2012
–
1.0%
"I find it hard to believe that an angel has no idea about textures, colors, and other things."
February 20, 2012
–
0.0%
""I heard my own voice, which was as melodic as a flute."
Why do I have the feeling that out unnamed protagonist will be a mary sue?"
Why do I have the feeling that out unnamed protagonist will be a mary sue?"
February 20, 2012
–
1.0%
"Ivy was immediately charmed...
Ivy is short for Iviel or something like that, right? 'Cause if not, then I smell an rant on angel names in the near future."
Ivy is short for Iviel or something like that, right? 'Cause if not, then I smell an rant on angel names in the near future."
February 20, 2012
–
1.0%
""Looking after the key to the house was the only job I had been emtrusted with."
I think we all know what I'm about to say: you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, Adornetto!"
I think we all know what I'm about to say: you're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, Adornetto!"
February 20, 2012
–
2.0%
""Why does toothpaste make my head ache?" I asked.
I realize that AA wants bethany to seem like she's unfamiliar with the human world, but this just makes her look stuppid."
I realize that AA wants bethany to seem like she's unfamiliar with the human world, but this just makes her look stuppid."
February 20, 2012
–
2.0%
""I returned shivering, realizing that I was inadequately clothed."
O.O WHAT!?!?"
O.O WHAT!?!?"
February 20, 2012
–
2.0%
""We wondered why our bodies felt faint by midday, then realized that our bodies needed regualr meals."
Do they not have some sort of human training program in heaven?"
Do they not have some sort of human training program in heaven?"
February 20, 2012
–
2.0%
"[Gabriel] sounded like a character in one of the old Hollywood movies I'd watched as part of our research."
So you did do research and yet you didn't know that humans need to eat. Did they not eat in those old movies or make references to food?!?!?"
So you did do research and yet you didn't know that humans need to eat. Did they not eat in those old movies or make references to food?!?!?"
February 20, 2012
–
2.0%
""Heaven was not easy to describe."
Then don't bring it up. she then goes on to describe heaven in useless abstract terms."
Then don't bring it up. she then goes on to describe heaven in useless abstract terms."
February 20, 2012
–
3.0%
""I had been chosen because I was more in tune with the human condition than other angels--I watched over humans..."
Then why didn't you know that humans needed to eat?"
Then why didn't you know that humans needed to eat?"
February 20, 2012
–
4.0%
""In his physical form, Gabriel might have been a classical sculpture come to life."
She didn't know that humans needed food, buyt she knows what classical art looked like?"
She didn't know that humans needed food, buyt she knows what classical art looked like?"
February 20, 2012
–
4.0%
""His body was perfectly proportioned and each muscle looked like it had been sculpted out of the purest marble."
If he sparkles, I think I may slap somebody."
If he sparkles, I think I may slap somebody."
February 20, 2012
–
4.0%
""There were several things that made us conspicuous. For starters human beings were flawed and we weren't"
FUCK!!!"
FUCK!!!"
February 20, 2012
–
4.0%
""If you saw us in a crowd, the first thing you would notice was our skin. It was so translucent you might be persuaded into believing that it contained actual particles of light."
Holy shit! They do sparkle."
Holy shit! They do sparkle."
February 22, 2012
–
10.0%
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
bad-first-impression
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
did-this-book-even-have-an-editor
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
how-did-this-get-published
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
if-i-could-turn-back-time
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
mythology-what-mythology
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
this-is-going-to-hurt
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
they-publish-anything-don-t-they
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
useless-lead-character
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
this-will-not-be-pretty
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
waste-of-trees
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
slow-and-painful
February 29, 2012
– Shelved as:
it-gave-me-blue-brain
March 2, 2012
–
11.75%
""I like literature," [Bethany] said...W
What a shock.
"We started watching the film version of Romeo and Juliet."
Dear God, NOOOO!"
page
57
What a shock.
"We started watching the film version of Romeo and Juliet."
Dear God, NOOOO!"
March 2, 2012
–
11.75%
"I didn't tell them this, but the love story fascinated me. The way the lovers fell so deepley in love after their first meeting
***
Calm down, Zero. Remember that wrath is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
***
R&J was not romantic you dumb twit! There is nothing romantic about suicide! Or a mother dying of grief at the death of her child! Or the fact the families share some responsibility in their children's deaths!"
page
57
***
Calm down, Zero. Remember that wrath is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
***
R&J was not romantic you dumb twit! There is nothing romantic about suicide! Or a mother dying of grief at the death of her child! Or the fact the families share some responsibility in their children's deaths!"
March 2, 2012
–
12.58%
"[Ivy] wrinkled her nose as the taste of salty, bitter tendrils filled her mouth.
***
How would Bethany know if the taste filled Ivy's mouth?"
page
61
***
How would Bethany know if the taste filled Ivy's mouth?"
March 2, 2012
–
13.61%
"...It seemed to be shifting shape...to liquid that trickled down my throat....I swallowed as hard as could.
***
Yeah, I manipulated some dialogue a bit. But who cares?"
page
66
***
Yeah, I manipulated some dialogue a bit. But who cares?"
March 2, 2012
– Shelved as:
why-am-i-still-unpublished
March 5, 2012
–
14.85%
""Bethany," [Gabriel] said, "do you know what happens when the human body isn't fuel properly?...It can't function...I don't think you want to faint on your second day of school..."
One: You don't need to lecture on what happens when you don't eat-we've seen what happens in previous chapters.
Two: Unless she has some serious illness, she's not going to faint from missing one meal."
page
72
One: You don't need to lecture on what happens when you don't eat-we've seen what happens in previous chapters.
Two: Unless she has some serious illness, she's not going to faint from missing one meal."
March 5, 2012
–
15.46%
"Some negihbor comes by and tries to converse with them. Then we have this line:
"Because of Dolly's 'pop in' I missed the first half of English..."
Ever heard of telling her that you have to go to school."
page
75
"Because of Dolly's 'pop in' I missed the first half of English..."
Ever heard of telling her that you have to go to school."
March 5, 2012
–
15.46%
"BTW (this is from a few pages ago) who the hell cooks breakfast wearing only a towel?"
page
75
March 6, 2012
–
15.46%
"Molly's eyes widened. "[Prom]'s a rite of passage, the one event you'l remember your whole life, apart from your wedding."
And getting a job...and getting divorced...and having children...and a funeral for a loved one...and retirement...and a bunch of other stuff."
page
75
And getting a job...and getting divorced...and having children...and a funeral for a loved one...and retirement...and a bunch of other stuff."
March 6, 2012
–
16.08%
"His turquoise eyes...were flecked with streaks of copper and silver.
***
He sounds like a necklace."
page
78
***
He sounds like a necklace."
March 6, 2012
–
16.7%
""You might be happier in the advanced class."
"No!" I said, not wanting to attract anymore attention.
***
Judging by that exclamation point, it sounds like you had shouted "no." Therefore, I feel as though that attracted some attention."
page
81
"No!" I said, not wanting to attract anymore attention.
***
Judging by that exclamation point, it sounds like you had shouted "no." Therefore, I feel as though that attracted some attention."
March 6, 2012
–
16.7%
"Again, this time to Utter-shitto, forgetting your book is not that big of a deal. I doubt that a teacher would hold you after class. Then again, I went to public school."
page
81
March 6, 2012
–
17.73%
"One: Partay?!?!?! What kind of chapter title is that?
Two: Molly, get over the fact that Xavier turned you down. At least he was nice about it and thinks of you as a friend."
page
86
Two: Molly, get over the fact that Xavier turned you down. At least he was nice about it and thinks of you as a friend."
March 6, 2012
–
17.73%
""You might want to go easy on that stuff."
The face of Xavier Woods came slowly into focus.
***
I agree! And also, why does Xavier have to be everywhere?!?!"
page
86
The face of Xavier Woods came slowly into focus.
***
I agree! And also, why does Xavier have to be everywhere?!?!"
March 7, 2012
–
20.62%
"[Gabriel and Ivy's] mother-of-pearl skin was icandescent in the morning light.
***
At least they're angels and not vampires"
page
100
***
At least they're angels and not vampires"
March 7, 2012
–
22.27%
"So, Bethany can't have any attachments while on earth, but she can get a dog?"
page
108
March 7, 2012
–
23.09%
""I ha half hoped that Phantom would growl, so I'd have at least one reason not to think Xavier was completely flawless. But he seemed to be passing every test with flying colors."
***
God Fucking Dammit!!"
page
112
***
God Fucking Dammit!!"
March 7, 2012
–
23.3%
""Was Xavier Woods, the most inaccessible boy at Bryce Hamilton, asking me out?"
***
Ding Dong! We found our Sue!
Who's the Sue? Bethany Sue!
Ding Dong! We found our Mary Sue!"
page
113
***
Ding Dong! We found our Sue!
Who's the Sue? Bethany Sue!
Ding Dong! We found our Mary Sue!"
March 7, 2012
–
23.51%
""Humans were supposed to have physical flaws but Xavier didn't seem to."
***
Everyone has physical flaws because not everyone finds the same things attractive on every person."
page
114
***
Everyone has physical flaws because not everyone finds the same things attractive on every person."
March 9, 2012
–
23.51%
"It's sad that a book can be so bad that you can't even take it seriously enough to be pissed off."
page
114
March 13, 2012
– Shelved as:
couldn-t-finish
March 13, 2012
–
Finished Reading
September 25, 2013
– Shelved as:
i-read-this-so-you-dont-have-to
October 2, 2013
– Shelved as:
bad-romance
Comments Showing 1-12 of 12 (12 new)
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message 1:
by
The Scarecrow
(new)
-
rated it 1 star
Feb 01, 2012 03:37PM
Whilst this re-write of Beyonce's awful "song" is brilliant, please don't torture yourself. I'm only half way through and am already tempted to gouge out my eyes and cauterize the wound with a hot spoon.
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the scarecrow wrote: "Whilst this re-write of Beyonce's awful "song" is brilliant, please don't torture yourself. I'm only half way through and am already tempted to gouge out my eyes and cauterize the wound with a hot ..."I like the torture.
May fortune be with you, good sir.
Ebony wrote: "I thought about reading this, but then I just decided to go on living my life. A title that unimaginative doesn't bode well for the content."It doesn't.
Where the hell did Bethany and Ivy come from?Don't you know? Bethany means "stupid one" and Ivy means "personality less one" in Hebrew. Trufax.
That being said, I probably will read Hades just for the lulz and to see how far i can get.
OH MY GOD DUDE DON'T DO IT. I read it and now have a huge dent in my head from bashing my head into the wall so much.
John wrote: OH MY GOD DUDE DON'T DO IT."Now, John, when have been the type to avoid massive amounts of fail?
You have a point, but I had to try, didn't I?
John wrote: "You have a point, but I had to try, didn't I?"You're right. On to HoN (and this time I mean it!)
But House of Night is even WORSE!Are you trying to put yourself in a book coma?!
John wrote: "But House of Night is even WORSE!Are you trying to put yourself in a book coma?!"
Book comas are fun!
x woody holy shit i literally laughed omg...
