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You Can't Win

We had a Native American come to a group that I attend, and the first words out of his mouth were, “I hate blacks.�� I wasn’t there, but it was my understanding that the leader of the group gave him hell, how much hell I do not know. But no one else spoke up, and this bothered him. I heard this story and ran into him the following week when he sat down at the table where we were having breakfast. When he said that he was from Tulsa, I said, “When I think of Tulsa I think of the race riot in 1920 when the white people burned down the black town in Tulsa, a large neighborhood with stores, doctors, lawyers, ministers, shop keepers, etc, and they killed men, women, and children.�� I was trying to see for myself where this man would go with what I was telling him. He claimed that it was the black man’s fault, so I said, “If it was, there was no excuse to kill everyone they found and burn down their town.�� I went on to say that I had read books on the riot, now called a “massacre,�� and I didn’t see it as any black man’s fault. He felt that we should not even be talking about something that happened `100 years ago. I said, “They do because they have been traumatized.: I am not quick on conversations like this, but I would have added, :and they still are being traumatized due to senseless killings, etc. �� He said then that he didn’t like talking about race because he has been accused of being racist. When he got up from the table where we were sitting, he said that the KKK were good people, but I didn’t hear him; instead I my friend, who was sitting next to me, told me his last words.

So, I talked with the group leader, saying that people don’t know what racism is, that if they believe it to be true that a certain race is lazy or violent, etc. they don’t consider themselves to be racists. I added that we need a lecture on it. He said that people don’t listen to him because he is brown. I replied, “My ex white friends didn’t listen to me either, even though they believed I was completely white.�� Well, the next time we had that group meeting, the racist man wasn’t there, but the leader talked about racism. It was this book that he used, so I got it.

I am sorry to say this: I didn’t care for this book sometimes her language was above my level of understanding. But then I felt myself getting pushed out of shape because it felt like she wanted to show everyone in her group that they were all racists. Maybe I am wrong here.

I am sure if I were in this author’s group she would believe that I was a racist, that is just what I felt when reading this book, although I consider myself an anti-racist. A white person couldn’t win. She seems to give no credit where credit is due.

One woman had said that she had friends who were black and on and on. The author was not impressed. So, I suppose you can’t say that you dated black men or Hispanic, etc. or that you were even married to one.

Back to the group that I attend weekly: Someone in our group brought up the governor, the one who wore black face in college. One person felt he should step down, I said, “I didn’t think so.�� I didn’t add this: “We all make mistakes. I am interested in what kind of person he is now. Is he doing good?�� But I imagine that this person felt that I was a racist. And this is the problem in our society now: people are looking to accuse others of racism, and I feel that that is what this author is doing too.

I have a white friend that I have known since my college days. She only dated black men, and she had a daughter from a black man. She used to say that black people were always late for appointments, and she called it “BP Time, Black People’s Time.�� I imagine that she would be called a racist too, not someone who is just making generalizations.

Update: I decided last night to listen to parts of the book again, and came upon a chapter called “White tears,�� tears that white women have when they see violence performed on black people. She claims that white tears are how white people lament on how hard racism is on them, and to back up her beliefs she says that other writers have commented on this too. She says that white women feel entitled to shed them. I listened further, and if any white person in her group begins to cry, they are asked to leave the room, because they are upsetting the black women who can’t stand white people’s tears. Plus, the woman crying is bringing attention to herself. So, I began to feel that she is standing up for the black people, when she should be investigating all of this in the group encounter that she is running. So, now I am really against this book. Most people don’t cry out of white guilt over slavery or to bring attention to themselves or whatever the reason.

Tears come without warning; they are due to compassion, not guilt. I have a hard time believing that white people feel guilty for what their ancestors did in the past. Maybe some do. But most of all we cry when we see pain in others. It doesn’t matter if they are black or white or brown. Who hasn’t felt the pain of the children at the Mexican border who are crying and being torn from their mother’s arms? Well, not everyone does as I have found out. I know of three people, when I mentioned this, immediately brought up how the Democrats behave. They deflected the subject, didn’t care about the children. Perhaps we feel guilty for chasing the Mexicans back to Mexico many years ago. Or for giving these “lazy�� Mexicans jobs that the white man didn’t wish to perform, paying them very little and not caring for their medical needs.

I cried at the Wounded Knee museum when I read about the massacre of the Lakota Indians, whom I consider my people, even though I am not Lakota but Cherokee. Did I feel guilty because I wasn’t there? Did I feel guilty because my white ancestors killed them?

I cried when I read about the Tulsa race riot and went to the museum in Tulsa and saw that there was no black town left.

The author can call it what she wants, but I am not buying it. A much better book to read is, Dear White America by Tim Wise. He educates, explains racism without accusing. Any book by him is better than this one. He is a white anti-racist. I would also suggest reading books by black writers or take courses in black history. If fingers are still pointed at the white people, you can be sure that you won’t be blamed. And it will help you to see your own shortcomings without having any white guilt placed on you or be told that you are a racist.