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I had never read a John Green novel prior to reading this one. I wanted very much to like it and felt certain after reading some of the overwhelmingly positive reviews here that it would be an awesome and heartbreaking experience. I was ready and excited. I guess I could sum the experience up best by stating that it is unlikely I will read another book by this author, and if I do it will be sometime in the future when I forget how utterly disappointing I found this book to be. 

I had a lot of problems with this book. Overall, it felt very insincere and I was constantly distracted by how obviously everything was written with the goal of tugging on the reader's heart strings, rather than just letting things happen that were beautiful in spite of being sad. It felt like Mr. Green was screaming at me from the page 'ARE YOU SAD YET? YOU'RE SAD RIGHT? THIS IS SAD. YOU SHOULD FEEL ALL THE THINGS AND CRY ABOUT IT. I'M A GOOD WRITER. I WRITE FEELINGS. ARE YOU CRYING YET?' For a story about Human Beings, it doesn't feel very human at all. Instead everything feels very unnatural and self-conscious in the worst way.

The biggest and most impossible thing for me to get around was I simply didn't believe the character of Augustus or his relationship with main character Hazel. As these concepts  are basically what the entire story hinges upon, I didn't believe in or care about anything else that happened either. Augustus came off completely pretentious and obnoxious, particularly in the way he insisted on speaking in a Diablo Cody nerd hipster sort of dialect that no one would ever use in the real world. (Some commenters here have said it's the way Mr. Green himself talks which, a.) way to be self-congratulatory, and b.) how does he not get punched in the face, like, ALL THE TIME?) His entire character felt contrived and I never once felt a connection with him. Too often it seemed like he was walking around like I AM SO CLEVER LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME, constantly putting on a show so that nothing from him felt genuine or real. His whole fascination with ultimately meaningless metaphors felt condescending, like Mr. Green constantly squealing HEY GUYS, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? TAKE A SECOND, WRITE IT DOWN IF YOU NEED TO. YEAH, I'M DEEP. Augustus' one fault was sickness, but it was nothing that he could control. And that's just so... boring.

But it wasn't just Augustus. The character of Hazel was somewhat likable, (despite Mr. Green's insistance on making her 'sound like a teenager' by formating every other statement she makes like it's a question? and tacking distracting 'or whatever's onto the end of random bits of dialogue BECAUSE THIS IS HOW TEENAGERS TALK RIGHT? I CAN TALK LIKE A TEENAGER, SEE? BECAUSE THEY SAY 'WHATEVER'. I'M A GOOD WRITER. ARE YOU FEELING THINGS YET?) but her relationship with Augustus felt completely and totally forced. There was never any real reason for them to fall in love with one another, and that is crossing dangerously close into Twilight territory. He was so convienient, so effortless for Hazel. I had to wonder, was it him or was it because he was there and ready and willing? It all fell flat and left so many places to take the stories and facets of their characters completely unexplored. Any opportunities to delve into hard questions and real answers were left untaken and exchanged for large passages (mainly in the **SPOLIER ALERT**: Amsterdam trip scenes) that had very little purpose outside of screaming LOOK AT THIS HANDSOME CHARMING BOY ISN'T HE SWEET LADIES? HE WILL PULL YOUR CHAIR OUT FOR YOU AND HE TALKS LIKE I DO. IT'S CHARMING, RIGHT? YOU ARE FEELING CHARMED. I'M A GOOD WRITER. 

Ultimately, it felt completely fake. I couldn't get lost in it, always fully aware of the fact that I was reading fiction and how irritating EVERYTHING about it was. I finished it, which is the only reason I gave it 2 stars, but it was a true task. Truthfully, it pissed me off. I would have loved to love this book as much as everyone else and have a new favorite to hold dear to my heart. Now I'm just confused. Was my copy broken?